How to Cope with a Colleague's Active Hostility
DO NOT REACT ANGRILY., Think about why this person is gossiping about you., Work out old grudges with the gossip-monger., Approach your boss., Ask that the gossip-monger be dealt with firmly., There will follow a period of days, weeks or even months...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: DO NOT REACT ANGRILY.
It is the worst possible reaction under the circumstances.
It will only make people more inclined to believe the rumours being circulated against you.
If you MUST have a cry, go into the bathroom, have a silent cry, wash your face and return to your workspace.
Never let anyone see your tears.
It will be interpreted immediately as a sign of weakness. -
Step 2: Think about why this person is gossiping about you.
In every instance, the real reason is that he or she feels threatened and insecure or suffers from an inferiority complex in your presence, or because of your proficiency, abilities, and personality. , Make a sincere effort to mend fences.
If this works, the matter ends here.
However, where issues of insecurity are involved, the person might well continue saying hurtful and untrue things about you.
If the gossip does continue, meet the colleagues who have been/still are on the receiving end of the rumours.
Tell them that you are aware that they might have been misinformed about you.
Ask for their patience and co-operation and apologize for the unpleasantness that has taken place. , Tell him or her about what has happened.
Point out that such gossip is counterproductive, that it is systematic and unjustified character assassination, is damaging and demeaning to you and is distracting you from work.
Politely point out that defamation of character and harassment has legal ramifications. , The Company will be bound to act on your complaint. , Just be patient.
This is a natural facet of corporate behaviour and will wear itself out in time. , Interact normally with everyone. , Do not allow anyone the chance to criticize you for being late or taking too many days off work.
This can and will be used against you by your enemies. , Continue to take care of yourself, continue to dress well and appear pleasantly presentable at all times. , Worry about a bad atmosphere at work can easily cause you to reach out for comfort foods and start piling on the pounds. , This is extremely difficult to do, as it goes against one's natural urge to hit back.
However, with your good name and reputation and an otherwise wonderful job at stake, there's no choice.
In a short while, people will know that the rumour-monger has been dealt with firmly by your human resources department. , It won't take long for people to form an excellent opinion of you, based on personal experience and dismiss the gossip. ,, You've not only won an important battle.
You've also acquired vital new skills : you've taught yourself how to stay calm and collected under extreme provocation, and how to use all the virtues listed above as powerful tools to your advantage.
That is a huge achievement. -
Step 3: Work out old grudges with the gossip-monger.
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Step 4: Approach your boss.
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Step 5: Ask that the gossip-monger be dealt with firmly.
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Step 6: There will follow a period of days
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Step 7: weeks or even months when people who listened
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Step 8: or are still listening
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Step 9: to the gossip against you will avoid you completely.
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Step 10: During this difficult period
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Step 11: keep a low profile.
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Step 12: Pay attention to your attendance and be at your workplace at or before the start of working hours.
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Step 13: Don't let yourself slip into a depression.
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Step 14: Pay attention to what you eat.
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Step 15: Wait patiently for results.
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Step 16: Meanwhile
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Step 17: ensure that your colleagues always see you at your best: cool
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Step 18: smiling
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Step 19: helpful
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Step 20: efficient
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Step 21: humble
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Step 22: honest and sincere.
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Step 23: Know that you've won the silent war as bosses and colleagues begin interacting with you normally after a short hiatus
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Step 24: and show you that they like and trust you.
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Step 25: Congratulate yourself.
Detailed Guide
It is the worst possible reaction under the circumstances.
It will only make people more inclined to believe the rumours being circulated against you.
If you MUST have a cry, go into the bathroom, have a silent cry, wash your face and return to your workspace.
Never let anyone see your tears.
It will be interpreted immediately as a sign of weakness.
In every instance, the real reason is that he or she feels threatened and insecure or suffers from an inferiority complex in your presence, or because of your proficiency, abilities, and personality. , Make a sincere effort to mend fences.
If this works, the matter ends here.
However, where issues of insecurity are involved, the person might well continue saying hurtful and untrue things about you.
If the gossip does continue, meet the colleagues who have been/still are on the receiving end of the rumours.
Tell them that you are aware that they might have been misinformed about you.
Ask for their patience and co-operation and apologize for the unpleasantness that has taken place. , Tell him or her about what has happened.
Point out that such gossip is counterproductive, that it is systematic and unjustified character assassination, is damaging and demeaning to you and is distracting you from work.
Politely point out that defamation of character and harassment has legal ramifications. , The Company will be bound to act on your complaint. , Just be patient.
This is a natural facet of corporate behaviour and will wear itself out in time. , Interact normally with everyone. , Do not allow anyone the chance to criticize you for being late or taking too many days off work.
This can and will be used against you by your enemies. , Continue to take care of yourself, continue to dress well and appear pleasantly presentable at all times. , Worry about a bad atmosphere at work can easily cause you to reach out for comfort foods and start piling on the pounds. , This is extremely difficult to do, as it goes against one's natural urge to hit back.
However, with your good name and reputation and an otherwise wonderful job at stake, there's no choice.
In a short while, people will know that the rumour-monger has been dealt with firmly by your human resources department. , It won't take long for people to form an excellent opinion of you, based on personal experience and dismiss the gossip. ,, You've not only won an important battle.
You've also acquired vital new skills : you've taught yourself how to stay calm and collected under extreme provocation, and how to use all the virtues listed above as powerful tools to your advantage.
That is a huge achievement.
About the Author
Kenneth Hill
Specializes in breaking down complex organization topics into simple steps.
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