How to Determine What Pronouns to Use When Meeting Someone New
Don't attempt to judge a person's pronoun preference by their gender expression., Ask their name., Politely ask their pronoun preference., Know that you may mess up., Learn the pronouns: He/his/him is typically for men, She/her/hers is typically for...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Don't attempt to judge a person's pronoun preference by their gender expression.
They may have a feminine expression, but prefer gender neutral pronouns, or a masculine presentation but prefer female pronouns. -
Step 2: Ask their name.
Names sometimes can give away gender, but there's no guarantee.
With some names like Alex or Sammy the person could be any gender.
Really, it's best not to judge pronouns by name either.
People, especially nonbinary or foreign people, may have a name you associate with one gender but be a different one.
Ideally, if you didn't know someone's pronouns, you would just use their name to refer to them.
For example, instead of something like "Alex brought her bag to school."
you would say "Alex brought Alex's bag to school.".
It can be clunky, but it's better than misgendering someone. , It is best to ask someone their pronoun preference in private, rather than public.
By asking their preference, you are putting yourself out as an accepting person.
They may tell you something different than what everyone else thinks because they trust you. , It happens.
Correct yourself, apologize, and move on.
Do not dwell on the mistake. , Either one can be used by some nonbinary people.
Do not assume that someone is a certain gender based on the pronouns they use.
Ze/hir/hirs (or xe/hir/hirs) are gender neutral pronouns that replace he/him/his and she/her/hers.
The singular "they" can also be used as a gender neutral pronoun, and makes a good filler if you're unsure of what pronouns someone prefers.
Other pronoun sets include ey/em/eirs (Spivak pronouns), ne/nem/nirs, or ae/aer/aers, among others. -
Step 3: Politely ask their pronoun preference.
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Step 4: Know that you may mess up.
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Step 5: Learn the pronouns: He/his/him is typically for men
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Step 6: She/her/hers is typically for women.
Detailed Guide
They may have a feminine expression, but prefer gender neutral pronouns, or a masculine presentation but prefer female pronouns.
Names sometimes can give away gender, but there's no guarantee.
With some names like Alex or Sammy the person could be any gender.
Really, it's best not to judge pronouns by name either.
People, especially nonbinary or foreign people, may have a name you associate with one gender but be a different one.
Ideally, if you didn't know someone's pronouns, you would just use their name to refer to them.
For example, instead of something like "Alex brought her bag to school."
you would say "Alex brought Alex's bag to school.".
It can be clunky, but it's better than misgendering someone. , It is best to ask someone their pronoun preference in private, rather than public.
By asking their preference, you are putting yourself out as an accepting person.
They may tell you something different than what everyone else thinks because they trust you. , It happens.
Correct yourself, apologize, and move on.
Do not dwell on the mistake. , Either one can be used by some nonbinary people.
Do not assume that someone is a certain gender based on the pronouns they use.
Ze/hir/hirs (or xe/hir/hirs) are gender neutral pronouns that replace he/him/his and she/her/hers.
The singular "they" can also be used as a gender neutral pronoun, and makes a good filler if you're unsure of what pronouns someone prefers.
Other pronoun sets include ey/em/eirs (Spivak pronouns), ne/nem/nirs, or ae/aer/aers, among others.
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James Thompson
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