How to Raise an Optimist
Use growth mindset praise., Help your child challenge negative language., Appear trustworthy by skipping the empty reassurances., Investigate pessimistic behaviors.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Use growth mindset praise.
Most parents know that regular praise helps build a child with high self-esteem and resilience.
Many don’t know that certain types of praise are better at creating optimistic and secure kids.
Growth mindset praise allows you to tailor your compliments to your child’s effort rather than fixed attributes like their intelligence or appearance.Growth mindset praise may sound like “I knew if you kept trying you’d improve on the flute.
Great job, sweetheart?” This sort of praise inspires your child to keep pushing in the area, as opposed to feeling powerless to their abilities.
Be sure to point out your child’s progress to them over time.
They may not notice it otherwise.
Give them concrete examples as well, such as by saying, “You have been scoring more goals during your soccer practices than you used to, which shows that you are improving.” -
Step 2: Help your child challenge negative language.
When you hear overly negative language from your child, don’t let it slide.
Challenge them right then and there to improve their outlook.
You can challenge negative self-talk by using the NED approach.
NED stands for Notice it, Externalize it, and Dispute it.For example, your child comes home and says “I’ll never make any friends.” You notice this and ask them to externalize the thought by referring to NED as a person.
You might ask, “What would NED say about your language?” Then, work together to dispute the claim by saying something like, “Have you ever made friends before? Then, it’s false to think you won’t again.
Making friends can be hard sometimes, but you’ll make them eventually.” You might also need to explain the difference between thoughts and feelings to your child.
For example, your child might feel sad, but this could lead to a thought that is unhelpful or unproductive.
Let your child know that it is okay to feel sad, but it is not okay to think self-defeating thoughts.
Encourage your child to take a break if they start having these types of thoughts, such as by taking a walk or calling up a friend. , Don’t supply false hope to your child.
Sometimes, you may try to offer praise or reassurances, but if they aren’t realistic, you can ultimately jeopardize your child’s sense of trust.
As a result, they start to see the world as an even bleaker place.
For example, your child says, “I’ll never be the captain of the football team.” It’s true that every player cannot become the captain.
So, telling them, “Oh, sure you will.
Just keep trying,” may make matters worse.
In cases like these, your presence is enough.
Don’t offer false hope.Make sure to identify and validate their feelings instead, such as by saying, "I'm sorry you're discouraged.
It's tough to deal with disappointment."
You might notice your child being especially glum on some days.
When this happens, put on your thinking cap and try to figure out why.
Getting to the root of pessimistic behaviors can help you get rid of them.For instance, a child might develop a negative attitude about life because they are being bullied.
They think no one is going to help with the situation, so they lose faith.
In addition, your child may speak in a negative way when they are hungry or sleepy.
Work to resolve such situations by observing your child’s behavior and checking for any drastic changes.
In addition, talk to your child and ask about their motives for certain behaviors.
You might also communicate with other adults like a co-parent, grandparents, siblings, or teachers to try to discover the cause.
Then, address your child’s needs accordingly.
Older children and teens might tell you what is wrong themselves, but they also might need someone to point out pessimistic behaviors and help them understand what may be causing it. -
Step 3: Appear trustworthy by skipping the empty reassurances.
-
Step 4: Investigate pessimistic behaviors.
Detailed Guide
Most parents know that regular praise helps build a child with high self-esteem and resilience.
Many don’t know that certain types of praise are better at creating optimistic and secure kids.
Growth mindset praise allows you to tailor your compliments to your child’s effort rather than fixed attributes like their intelligence or appearance.Growth mindset praise may sound like “I knew if you kept trying you’d improve on the flute.
Great job, sweetheart?” This sort of praise inspires your child to keep pushing in the area, as opposed to feeling powerless to their abilities.
Be sure to point out your child’s progress to them over time.
They may not notice it otherwise.
Give them concrete examples as well, such as by saying, “You have been scoring more goals during your soccer practices than you used to, which shows that you are improving.”
When you hear overly negative language from your child, don’t let it slide.
Challenge them right then and there to improve their outlook.
You can challenge negative self-talk by using the NED approach.
NED stands for Notice it, Externalize it, and Dispute it.For example, your child comes home and says “I’ll never make any friends.” You notice this and ask them to externalize the thought by referring to NED as a person.
You might ask, “What would NED say about your language?” Then, work together to dispute the claim by saying something like, “Have you ever made friends before? Then, it’s false to think you won’t again.
Making friends can be hard sometimes, but you’ll make them eventually.” You might also need to explain the difference between thoughts and feelings to your child.
For example, your child might feel sad, but this could lead to a thought that is unhelpful or unproductive.
Let your child know that it is okay to feel sad, but it is not okay to think self-defeating thoughts.
Encourage your child to take a break if they start having these types of thoughts, such as by taking a walk or calling up a friend. , Don’t supply false hope to your child.
Sometimes, you may try to offer praise or reassurances, but if they aren’t realistic, you can ultimately jeopardize your child’s sense of trust.
As a result, they start to see the world as an even bleaker place.
For example, your child says, “I’ll never be the captain of the football team.” It’s true that every player cannot become the captain.
So, telling them, “Oh, sure you will.
Just keep trying,” may make matters worse.
In cases like these, your presence is enough.
Don’t offer false hope.Make sure to identify and validate their feelings instead, such as by saying, "I'm sorry you're discouraged.
It's tough to deal with disappointment."
You might notice your child being especially glum on some days.
When this happens, put on your thinking cap and try to figure out why.
Getting to the root of pessimistic behaviors can help you get rid of them.For instance, a child might develop a negative attitude about life because they are being bullied.
They think no one is going to help with the situation, so they lose faith.
In addition, your child may speak in a negative way when they are hungry or sleepy.
Work to resolve such situations by observing your child’s behavior and checking for any drastic changes.
In addition, talk to your child and ask about their motives for certain behaviors.
You might also communicate with other adults like a co-parent, grandparents, siblings, or teachers to try to discover the cause.
Then, address your child’s needs accordingly.
Older children and teens might tell you what is wrong themselves, but they also might need someone to point out pessimistic behaviors and help them understand what may be causing it.
About the Author
Michelle Johnson
Experienced content creator specializing in organization guides and tutorials.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: