How to Tolerate a Coworker You Cannot Stand
Alter your reaction., Avoid your coworker., Get to the point., Keep things to yourself., Consider why your coworker annoys you., Put up with your coworker., Change the subject., Learn to say no.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Alter your reaction.
When someone is annoying you it can be easy to respond emotionally, without thinking.
Getting emotional about a coworker’s behaviour isn’t going to help the situation get any better.
In fact, there’s a good chance that an emotional reaction will make the situation worse.
The only person you have control over is you, so learn to control your reactions.When your coworker does something annoying, give yourself a moment to look at how you react.
How do you feel? What’s going through your mind? What do you do, if anything? What specific event triggered this reaction? Once you’ve had a chance to think about how YOU respond to your coworker, think about whether that reaction is worth it.
You likely have to spend a lot of energy to get upset — is your coworker worth that added stress? Not likely.
Develop a system for altering your reactions to your coworker.
Maybe you need to take a minute and breathe deeply, or count to
10.
Maybe you just need to close your eyes and visualize your ‘happy place.’ The next time your coworker does something annoying, use the system you developed.
Over time your system will become easier to use, and will soon become your instinctual reaction. -
Step 2: Avoid your coworker.
Sometimes you have to work near someone who annoys you, but you don’t have to work with that person.
Maybe they sit at a desk near you, but they aren’t in the same department.
Or maybe you pass them by now and again in the hallway, but you never see them otherwise.
Instead of expending the energy and effort to tolerate or deal with this coworker, avoid them., Some annoying people become more annoying the longer you have to interact with them.
Keep your interactions with these people as short as possible.
Don’t bother with nice conversation starters or questions about their weekend, just get to the point.
Once the (short) interaction is complete, allow your coworker the chance to have the last word, then walk away.
Don’t drag the interaction out longer than needed, and don’t allow your coworker to monopolize your time., Gossiping at work happens a lot.
You’ve probably gossiped about someone else, and your coworkers have probably gossiped about you.
Some gossip is harmless (e.g. why can’t they get that elevator to work property), but other gossip can be quite upsetting (e.g.
Susan slept with the boss).
Some of the most hurtful gossip is when someone speaks negatively about a coworker.
You most likely never want to be the one your coworkers are gossiping about, so don’t gossip about them.‘Ranting’ to someone about the problems and issues you’re having at work is important, as it relieves stress and makes you feel better.
If you feel the need to talk about a coworker’s behaviour, talk to someone who doesn’t work with you. , No one wants to think THEY may be the problem, and not someone else, but it is a possibility.
Is it possible that your coworkers annoy you for reasons that are beyond their control? For example, are you jealous that they have a better job, get paid more, or get to sit near the window? Is it possible you’re interpreting your unhappiness about a specific situation as dislike or annoyance?, Tolerating means you realize your coworker does something annoying, but you’re not going to care.
Not caring means you ignore your coworker’s behaviour, or it means you don’t allow yourself to react to the behaviour anymore.
Instead, you accept the behaviour for what it is and move on.This type of response is easier said than done because you really do have to move on and let go.
You can’t push your frustration about the behaviour to the back of your mind and try to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Doing this will only make you feel worse in the long run. , There is no requirement that you have to talk about your personal life when you’re at work.
Yet you probably have one or more coworkers who like to pry anyway.
These coworkers may also be the type who want to provide you with advice and suggestions on everything from your hair, to how to parent your children, to where you should go on vacation.
The best approach with this type of coworker is to simply change the subject., Some coworkers will ask if you need help with a task because they’re genuinely nice people and want to be helpful.
Other coworkers may ask if you need help with a task because it’ll make them look good, or you’ll owe them a favour at some point in the future.
They’re not asking because they’re being nice, they’re asking because they have a plan.
In situations like this you need to learn to just say no.
In the long run, the type of help these coworkers are offering is no the kind of help you need. -
Step 3: Get to the point.
-
Step 4: Keep things to yourself.
-
Step 5: Consider why your coworker annoys you.
-
Step 6: Put up with your coworker.
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Step 7: Change the subject.
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Step 8: Learn to say no.
Detailed Guide
When someone is annoying you it can be easy to respond emotionally, without thinking.
Getting emotional about a coworker’s behaviour isn’t going to help the situation get any better.
In fact, there’s a good chance that an emotional reaction will make the situation worse.
The only person you have control over is you, so learn to control your reactions.When your coworker does something annoying, give yourself a moment to look at how you react.
How do you feel? What’s going through your mind? What do you do, if anything? What specific event triggered this reaction? Once you’ve had a chance to think about how YOU respond to your coworker, think about whether that reaction is worth it.
You likely have to spend a lot of energy to get upset — is your coworker worth that added stress? Not likely.
Develop a system for altering your reactions to your coworker.
Maybe you need to take a minute and breathe deeply, or count to
10.
Maybe you just need to close your eyes and visualize your ‘happy place.’ The next time your coworker does something annoying, use the system you developed.
Over time your system will become easier to use, and will soon become your instinctual reaction.
Sometimes you have to work near someone who annoys you, but you don’t have to work with that person.
Maybe they sit at a desk near you, but they aren’t in the same department.
Or maybe you pass them by now and again in the hallway, but you never see them otherwise.
Instead of expending the energy and effort to tolerate or deal with this coworker, avoid them., Some annoying people become more annoying the longer you have to interact with them.
Keep your interactions with these people as short as possible.
Don’t bother with nice conversation starters or questions about their weekend, just get to the point.
Once the (short) interaction is complete, allow your coworker the chance to have the last word, then walk away.
Don’t drag the interaction out longer than needed, and don’t allow your coworker to monopolize your time., Gossiping at work happens a lot.
You’ve probably gossiped about someone else, and your coworkers have probably gossiped about you.
Some gossip is harmless (e.g. why can’t they get that elevator to work property), but other gossip can be quite upsetting (e.g.
Susan slept with the boss).
Some of the most hurtful gossip is when someone speaks negatively about a coworker.
You most likely never want to be the one your coworkers are gossiping about, so don’t gossip about them.‘Ranting’ to someone about the problems and issues you’re having at work is important, as it relieves stress and makes you feel better.
If you feel the need to talk about a coworker’s behaviour, talk to someone who doesn’t work with you. , No one wants to think THEY may be the problem, and not someone else, but it is a possibility.
Is it possible that your coworkers annoy you for reasons that are beyond their control? For example, are you jealous that they have a better job, get paid more, or get to sit near the window? Is it possible you’re interpreting your unhappiness about a specific situation as dislike or annoyance?, Tolerating means you realize your coworker does something annoying, but you’re not going to care.
Not caring means you ignore your coworker’s behaviour, or it means you don’t allow yourself to react to the behaviour anymore.
Instead, you accept the behaviour for what it is and move on.This type of response is easier said than done because you really do have to move on and let go.
You can’t push your frustration about the behaviour to the back of your mind and try to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Doing this will only make you feel worse in the long run. , There is no requirement that you have to talk about your personal life when you’re at work.
Yet you probably have one or more coworkers who like to pry anyway.
These coworkers may also be the type who want to provide you with advice and suggestions on everything from your hair, to how to parent your children, to where you should go on vacation.
The best approach with this type of coworker is to simply change the subject., Some coworkers will ask if you need help with a task because they’re genuinely nice people and want to be helpful.
Other coworkers may ask if you need help with a task because it’ll make them look good, or you’ll owe them a favour at some point in the future.
They’re not asking because they’re being nice, they’re asking because they have a plan.
In situations like this you need to learn to just say no.
In the long run, the type of help these coworkers are offering is no the kind of help you need.
About the Author
Gary Shaw
Enthusiastic about teaching home improvement techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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