How to Work with Someone You Dislike
Identify what you don’t like about them., Reflect on your personal history., Assess whether you possess the personality traits that you dislike., Avoid taking it too personally., Set reasonable expectations for your working relationship., Use...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify what you don’t like about them.
Take a few minutes to reflect on the specific traits that annoy you.
Perhaps they have an annoying voice, tend to be disorganized, obnoxious, or speak with an overly aggressive tone.
Once you have an idea of the specific traits that annoy you, it will be easier to figure out a way to address the situation., Considering the traits that you find disagreeable in them, think about whether you have been annoyed by these traits or characteristics in previous relationships.
By connecting your disagreeable experience of them to your personal history, you will be better prepared to manage your relationship with them.
For example, if they use an aggressive tone of voice that reminds you of a family member, remind yourself that it isn’t necessarily this particular individual that annoys you.
Rather, it is the experience of being addressed with an aggressive tone of voice.
If they tend to arrive to meetings in a haphazard or disorderly fashion that annoys you, consider whether this behavior reminds you of other individuals you have had trouble with in the past.
Remind yourself that it is the behavior that annoys you and that the individual may have other redeeming qualities.Also, keep in mind that we all have triggers.
Certain things the person says and does may trigger you and cause you to react in a negative way.
Try to become more aware of your triggers. , If you are annoyed by a personality trait in a colleague or other working relationship, consider whether you have this or a similar trait.
If this is the case, you may dislike the individual because they remind you of similar flaws in yourself.If the individual is disorganized and always arrives late to meetings, consider whether your dislike of this behavior relates to any of your own experiences of being disorganized or late.
If the individual speaks with an aggressive or mean tone of voice, consider whether your dislike for them relates to any personal experiences with anger or aggression. , Remember that their behavior towards you may have nothing to do with you at all.
If they are behaving poorly towards you or others at the workplace, this may be the result of any number of factors that have nothing to do with you such as their family, upbringing, or schooling., Consider what expectations you have in your working relationship with this individual and whether these expectations are realistic.
You may have expectations that are based on prior experiences of working with someone else in a similar role.
If you think your expectations are too high, adjust them so they are more realistic.If your expectations are based on what you want your ideal colleague to be able to accomplish instead of the actual skillset of your colleague, you may have to adjust your expectations.
If your former colleague was highly responsive on email and your new colleague tends to be slow, you may have to adjust your expectations and anticipate a longer response time. , If you find it hard to avoid reacting negatively to the person you dislike at work, you might benefit from using relaxation techniques.
Try meditating for five minutes at the beginning of your work day or taking deep breaths when things get hard.For example, try taking three deep, slow breaths when you feel anxious or stressed out in a meeting with the person you dislike.
By using relaxation techniques, you can diffuse feelings of anger, anxiety, or stress that may arise in response to the person you dislike at work.
You can use a meditation application such as Calm or Headspace.
These medication apps allow you to design short meditation sessions and give you mediation instruction.
You can download them on your smart phone and use them at home or at work. -
Step 2: Reflect on your personal history.
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Step 3: Assess whether you possess the personality traits that you dislike.
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Step 4: Avoid taking it too personally.
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Step 5: Set reasonable expectations for your working relationship.
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Step 6: Use relaxation techniques.
Detailed Guide
Take a few minutes to reflect on the specific traits that annoy you.
Perhaps they have an annoying voice, tend to be disorganized, obnoxious, or speak with an overly aggressive tone.
Once you have an idea of the specific traits that annoy you, it will be easier to figure out a way to address the situation., Considering the traits that you find disagreeable in them, think about whether you have been annoyed by these traits or characteristics in previous relationships.
By connecting your disagreeable experience of them to your personal history, you will be better prepared to manage your relationship with them.
For example, if they use an aggressive tone of voice that reminds you of a family member, remind yourself that it isn’t necessarily this particular individual that annoys you.
Rather, it is the experience of being addressed with an aggressive tone of voice.
If they tend to arrive to meetings in a haphazard or disorderly fashion that annoys you, consider whether this behavior reminds you of other individuals you have had trouble with in the past.
Remind yourself that it is the behavior that annoys you and that the individual may have other redeeming qualities.Also, keep in mind that we all have triggers.
Certain things the person says and does may trigger you and cause you to react in a negative way.
Try to become more aware of your triggers. , If you are annoyed by a personality trait in a colleague or other working relationship, consider whether you have this or a similar trait.
If this is the case, you may dislike the individual because they remind you of similar flaws in yourself.If the individual is disorganized and always arrives late to meetings, consider whether your dislike of this behavior relates to any of your own experiences of being disorganized or late.
If the individual speaks with an aggressive or mean tone of voice, consider whether your dislike for them relates to any personal experiences with anger or aggression. , Remember that their behavior towards you may have nothing to do with you at all.
If they are behaving poorly towards you or others at the workplace, this may be the result of any number of factors that have nothing to do with you such as their family, upbringing, or schooling., Consider what expectations you have in your working relationship with this individual and whether these expectations are realistic.
You may have expectations that are based on prior experiences of working with someone else in a similar role.
If you think your expectations are too high, adjust them so they are more realistic.If your expectations are based on what you want your ideal colleague to be able to accomplish instead of the actual skillset of your colleague, you may have to adjust your expectations.
If your former colleague was highly responsive on email and your new colleague tends to be slow, you may have to adjust your expectations and anticipate a longer response time. , If you find it hard to avoid reacting negatively to the person you dislike at work, you might benefit from using relaxation techniques.
Try meditating for five minutes at the beginning of your work day or taking deep breaths when things get hard.For example, try taking three deep, slow breaths when you feel anxious or stressed out in a meeting with the person you dislike.
By using relaxation techniques, you can diffuse feelings of anger, anxiety, or stress that may arise in response to the person you dislike at work.
You can use a meditation application such as Calm or Headspace.
These medication apps allow you to design short meditation sessions and give you mediation instruction.
You can download them on your smart phone and use them at home or at work.
About the Author
Jacob Brown
A passionate writer with expertise in creative arts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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