How to Build Bridges With a Co Worker You Don't Like
Talk in person, if possible., Listen in an active manner., Explain what upsets you., Avoid aggressive language., Compliment the person., Let your coworker have the final word.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Talk in person
We communicate a lot of information through tone, gesture, and facial expression.
All of this is lost in email.
Accordingly, something meant to be funny could come across as hostile in an email.
If possible, try to communicate in person or over the phone.
Leave email for very short communications—three sentences or less.
Keep emails factual. -
Step 2: if possible.
Effective listening can reduce tension.
It also will help you find commonality with a difficult colleague.
To be effective, listening must be active.
You cannot passively sit as someone talks.
Instead, try the following:
Restate what someone has just said.
This will affirm that you are listening to the person.
Ask if you understand them correctly.
Say, “Did I understand you right?” Sit with an “open” body style.
Don’t cross your arms or legs.
Instead, face the person you are talking with.
Understand that you aren’t endorsing someone’s point of view simply by recognizing it.
After you have shown you understand the other person, they may be more willing to listen to you. , If your coworker does something in particular that you don’t like, you should tell them.
Be honest.For example, someone might make jokes about you being a redhead.
You should tell them this upsets you.
Don’t call them out in front of other people, which might only cause them to deny what they have been doing.
Instead, go to their office during a quiet time of the day.
Try to stay calm as you talk.
People can become defensive if they feel like they are being attacked.
Get to the point.
Say, “Jeff, I hate it when you make redhead jokes.
Can you joke about something different?” You may be terrified to confront the person.
Unfortunately, they are unlikely to stop on their own. , You should avoid accusing someone of bad behavior.
Instead, focus on how someone makes you feel.It’s harder for someone to disagree with you when you focus on your feelings.
For example, don’t say, “Jeff, you’re always so hostile.
Why don’t you start being nicer?” Instead, you can say, “Jeff, I feel six inches tall when you talk to me like that.” Remember to use “I” statements., Identify the person’s good qualities.
Usually, a coworker has at least a few good traits.
By complimenting them on their good qualities, you can encourage them to minimize bad behaviors.For example, Megan might be abrasive but always gets her work done on time.
You can say, “Megan, thank God you’re here! I know I can count on you to get this finished on time!” Similarly, Jeff might erupt in anger if you don’t finish something on time.
However, he could be great when dealing with angry customers.
You can say, “Jeff, I wish I had your patience with people.
We should talk about how you stay so calm.” This kind of statement might make Jeff think before he erupts in anger again. , When having a conversation with someone you can’t stand, let them get in the last word.
This lets them think they are in control, which may make them easier to deal with. -
Step 3: Listen in an active manner.
-
Step 4: Explain what upsets you.
-
Step 5: Avoid aggressive language.
-
Step 6: Compliment the person.
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Step 7: Let your coworker have the final word.
Detailed Guide
We communicate a lot of information through tone, gesture, and facial expression.
All of this is lost in email.
Accordingly, something meant to be funny could come across as hostile in an email.
If possible, try to communicate in person or over the phone.
Leave email for very short communications—three sentences or less.
Keep emails factual.
Effective listening can reduce tension.
It also will help you find commonality with a difficult colleague.
To be effective, listening must be active.
You cannot passively sit as someone talks.
Instead, try the following:
Restate what someone has just said.
This will affirm that you are listening to the person.
Ask if you understand them correctly.
Say, “Did I understand you right?” Sit with an “open” body style.
Don’t cross your arms or legs.
Instead, face the person you are talking with.
Understand that you aren’t endorsing someone’s point of view simply by recognizing it.
After you have shown you understand the other person, they may be more willing to listen to you. , If your coworker does something in particular that you don’t like, you should tell them.
Be honest.For example, someone might make jokes about you being a redhead.
You should tell them this upsets you.
Don’t call them out in front of other people, which might only cause them to deny what they have been doing.
Instead, go to their office during a quiet time of the day.
Try to stay calm as you talk.
People can become defensive if they feel like they are being attacked.
Get to the point.
Say, “Jeff, I hate it when you make redhead jokes.
Can you joke about something different?” You may be terrified to confront the person.
Unfortunately, they are unlikely to stop on their own. , You should avoid accusing someone of bad behavior.
Instead, focus on how someone makes you feel.It’s harder for someone to disagree with you when you focus on your feelings.
For example, don’t say, “Jeff, you’re always so hostile.
Why don’t you start being nicer?” Instead, you can say, “Jeff, I feel six inches tall when you talk to me like that.” Remember to use “I” statements., Identify the person’s good qualities.
Usually, a coworker has at least a few good traits.
By complimenting them on their good qualities, you can encourage them to minimize bad behaviors.For example, Megan might be abrasive but always gets her work done on time.
You can say, “Megan, thank God you’re here! I know I can count on you to get this finished on time!” Similarly, Jeff might erupt in anger if you don’t finish something on time.
However, he could be great when dealing with angry customers.
You can say, “Jeff, I wish I had your patience with people.
We should talk about how you stay so calm.” This kind of statement might make Jeff think before he erupts in anger again. , When having a conversation with someone you can’t stand, let them get in the last word.
This lets them think they are in control, which may make them easier to deal with.
About the Author
Mark Phillips
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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