How to Build Intimacy by Talking Less
Focus your eyes and your thoughts on your significant other., Smile., Admire your significant other., Touch your significant other., Take your partner's hand as you walk together, when you are talking, and when you are parting company for work or...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Focus your eyes and your thoughts on your significant other.
The time you spend with a significant other is precious.
Demonstrating how it makes you feel to be with them is crucial to building intimacy.
By focusing your eyes and thoughts on your special someone, you are communicating to them that you value them over everything else. -
Step 2: Smile.
Smiling at your partner, daily (even for no reason at all) communicates to them that you are sharing a moment with them and that your thoughts about them are positive.
Many a relationship falls apart because partners forget to show pleasure.
A blank expression, or perpetual frown, communicates to your significant other that you are unhappy; naturally, they will assume that they are displeasing you. , You were careful in your selection of partners (hopefully) and you kept your standards high, so let your partner know that you continue to admire them by looking them over once in a while, appreciatively. , Exploring your significant other physically is vital to intimacy building.
Touching your partner's face with your fingertips as you look at them, or kiss them, demonstrates focus and adoration.
Experiment with light and firm touches and enjoy the sensations touches add to your relationship. , Energy is passed between people when their hands touch.
Thoughts are communicated by this simple gesture, as well, so when you take your partner's hand, make sure your thoughts reflect good feelings about them. , You've no doubt heard people say that they are "keeping you in their thoughts and prayers" and you know how meaningful that statement is.
If you suspected, however, that their thoughts and prayers went along the lines of thinking you're stupid and praying you drop dead, you wouldn't get any warm fuzzy out of the statement.
Bearing this in mind, when you think of your partner, keep your thoughts positive.
If you've noticed something about them that irritates you, put it out of your mind and focus on the wonderful contributions they've made to your life.
Consider your mate a gift given especially to you and don't waste any time feeling unappreciative of that gift. , As you go about your daily routine, interacting with others at work, at school, or with your family, take care to uphold your mate to others.
Speaking well of your mate communicates to others that you place a great deal of value on your ability to judge the character of others and that you hold your mate in the highest esteem.
You might be surprised to know how often a friend or family member repeats what you say to your significant other; make sure your mate only hears good things about themselves when this happens. , You take care to present yourself well, publicly, now extend the same courtesy to your mate.
When you interact with your mate in public places (including your home, if you have guests or family visiting), speak respectfully to them.
If they make a mistake, minimize the impact of that mistake and preserve their dignity, rather than pointing out the mistake to others who may or may not have noticed.
Conduct yourself as if you are proud of your mate and the relationship you are in by not inviting others to interfere or interlope. , No one is immune to self-doubt, so take care to point out the wonderful things your significant other does and says, regularly.
Be genuine with your mate and never minimize their accomplishments and achievements.
When they're feeling low, remind them of their real value to the world, your community and your home. , There is a lot to be said for taking care of the little things your mate needs and enjoys.
Putting your own needs before those of your mate has a 100% relationship failure rate because being in a relationship means taking a risk that your own needs might not always be met, fully.
If you choose to self-serve and self-protect, you aren't taking advantage of all the wonderful things your relationship has to offer; you are sabotaging and short-changing yourself and your intimacy with your mate will suffer. , Take care when you are angry (even with your mate) that you keep your voice and your body under strict control.
You would never scream and rant at your boss for a slight in the workplace, and you certainly wouldn't hit him or her, so do not subject your mate to such extremes.
Screaming and crying, raising your voice and yelling, cursing and degrading, and striking objects or people, is expected behavior within the confines of mental institutions, rehabilitation centers, and possibly prisons, but nowhere else.
Your mate must trust you, or any intimacy you wish to preserve or build is lost. , Life can become very hectic; protect your time with your mate from outside interests and activities.
Being together, even for a few minutes each day, helps build intimacy and sustain it.
How much time you choose to spend with your mate determines the quality of your relationship.
You've made another person a significant part of your life, make sure that you are giving more than lip-service to the concept. , Building intimacy requires trust, so be loyal to your mate or move on to someone whose standards match your own.
Resist the urge, and any and all invitations, to get involved romantically with others.
Loyalty is not tricky if you adopt the attitude that by being loyal you are devoted to your mate's best interest. -
Step 3: Admire your significant other.
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Step 4: Touch your significant other.
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Step 5: Take your partner's hand as you walk together
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Step 6: when you are talking
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Step 7: and when you are parting company for work or other activities.
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Step 8: Think positively about your significant other.
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Step 9: Speak well of your mate.
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Step 10: Protect your significant other's reputation.
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Step 11: Take care to build your mate's self-esteem
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Step 12: daily.
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Step 13: Be thoughtful of your mate's needs and desires.
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Step 14: Speak softly and drop that club.
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Step 15: Make time for your mate.
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Step 16: Be loyal to your mate.
Detailed Guide
The time you spend with a significant other is precious.
Demonstrating how it makes you feel to be with them is crucial to building intimacy.
By focusing your eyes and thoughts on your special someone, you are communicating to them that you value them over everything else.
Smiling at your partner, daily (even for no reason at all) communicates to them that you are sharing a moment with them and that your thoughts about them are positive.
Many a relationship falls apart because partners forget to show pleasure.
A blank expression, or perpetual frown, communicates to your significant other that you are unhappy; naturally, they will assume that they are displeasing you. , You were careful in your selection of partners (hopefully) and you kept your standards high, so let your partner know that you continue to admire them by looking them over once in a while, appreciatively. , Exploring your significant other physically is vital to intimacy building.
Touching your partner's face with your fingertips as you look at them, or kiss them, demonstrates focus and adoration.
Experiment with light and firm touches and enjoy the sensations touches add to your relationship. , Energy is passed between people when their hands touch.
Thoughts are communicated by this simple gesture, as well, so when you take your partner's hand, make sure your thoughts reflect good feelings about them. , You've no doubt heard people say that they are "keeping you in their thoughts and prayers" and you know how meaningful that statement is.
If you suspected, however, that their thoughts and prayers went along the lines of thinking you're stupid and praying you drop dead, you wouldn't get any warm fuzzy out of the statement.
Bearing this in mind, when you think of your partner, keep your thoughts positive.
If you've noticed something about them that irritates you, put it out of your mind and focus on the wonderful contributions they've made to your life.
Consider your mate a gift given especially to you and don't waste any time feeling unappreciative of that gift. , As you go about your daily routine, interacting with others at work, at school, or with your family, take care to uphold your mate to others.
Speaking well of your mate communicates to others that you place a great deal of value on your ability to judge the character of others and that you hold your mate in the highest esteem.
You might be surprised to know how often a friend or family member repeats what you say to your significant other; make sure your mate only hears good things about themselves when this happens. , You take care to present yourself well, publicly, now extend the same courtesy to your mate.
When you interact with your mate in public places (including your home, if you have guests or family visiting), speak respectfully to them.
If they make a mistake, minimize the impact of that mistake and preserve their dignity, rather than pointing out the mistake to others who may or may not have noticed.
Conduct yourself as if you are proud of your mate and the relationship you are in by not inviting others to interfere or interlope. , No one is immune to self-doubt, so take care to point out the wonderful things your significant other does and says, regularly.
Be genuine with your mate and never minimize their accomplishments and achievements.
When they're feeling low, remind them of their real value to the world, your community and your home. , There is a lot to be said for taking care of the little things your mate needs and enjoys.
Putting your own needs before those of your mate has a 100% relationship failure rate because being in a relationship means taking a risk that your own needs might not always be met, fully.
If you choose to self-serve and self-protect, you aren't taking advantage of all the wonderful things your relationship has to offer; you are sabotaging and short-changing yourself and your intimacy with your mate will suffer. , Take care when you are angry (even with your mate) that you keep your voice and your body under strict control.
You would never scream and rant at your boss for a slight in the workplace, and you certainly wouldn't hit him or her, so do not subject your mate to such extremes.
Screaming and crying, raising your voice and yelling, cursing and degrading, and striking objects or people, is expected behavior within the confines of mental institutions, rehabilitation centers, and possibly prisons, but nowhere else.
Your mate must trust you, or any intimacy you wish to preserve or build is lost. , Life can become very hectic; protect your time with your mate from outside interests and activities.
Being together, even for a few minutes each day, helps build intimacy and sustain it.
How much time you choose to spend with your mate determines the quality of your relationship.
You've made another person a significant part of your life, make sure that you are giving more than lip-service to the concept. , Building intimacy requires trust, so be loyal to your mate or move on to someone whose standards match your own.
Resist the urge, and any and all invitations, to get involved romantically with others.
Loyalty is not tricky if you adopt the attitude that by being loyal you are devoted to your mate's best interest.
About the Author
Deborah Nelson
Specializes in breaking down complex lifestyle topics into simple steps.
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