How to Handle a Fair Weather Friendship
Determine if your friend can change., Decide if you can keep being friends., Avoid becoming emotionally dependent., End the friendship if necessary., Recognize that it is normal to end friendships at different times of life.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine if your friend can change.
You may have a friend who isn’t around when things get difficult, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change.
Think about your friend’s personality and passions.
If you told them that they tend to disappear when negative things happen, what do you think their reaction would be? If your friend already knows that they tend to run away at any sign of trouble, sharing with them that this hurts you may not do any good.
However, if your friend is oblivious to this character flaw, sharing it with them might show them something they didn’t realize about themselves, and they may be motivated to change. -
Step 2: Decide if you can keep being friends.
Whether or not your friend would change if you told them that their behavior hurts you, you need to think about whether or not you can remain friends with them as they are now—that is, as fair weather friends.
It usually takes people a long time to change if they change at all.
If you think you want to stay friends, you have to let go of your expectations for this friend to be there for you.
Once you do this, you may be able to have a normal friendship.
If you decide that you don’t want to be friends anymore, you should act on this decision. , If you decide to stay friends with a fair weather friend, you must let go of your expectations that they can be relied upon.
This means not sharing emotionally charged or privileged information with them anymore.
If they can’t be there for you in hard times, they are not someone who can support you at all.
Limit the things you share with them.
For example, don’t tell them things such as family secrets.
If a friend can’t be relied on to be available during hard times, they can’t be trusted at all, not even to keep secrets. , If you have thought about your friend and realized you don’t have time to waste on someone who doesn’t understand the basic give and take of friendships, you might want to end the friendship.
There are a few ways to do this, including gradual backing off and confronting your friend directly.
The slowly backing off approach is usually easier, but may leave your friend feeling mystified and sad, as well as lacking closure.
This approach may also end with your friend gossiping about you out of hurt.Confronting your friend directly is painful for both parties, but it can be the best way because it shows that you respect your friend enough to communicate clearly. , Studies show that people make a lot of friends in their late teens, have fewer friends in their 20s as they are settling down and having children, have more friends in their 30s as they get used to having kids, and then start shutting people out again in their 40s and 50s as they decide what is most valuable in life.You may be in one of these stages of life, and you can explain that this is why you are ending a friendship. -
Step 3: Avoid becoming emotionally dependent.
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Step 4: End the friendship if necessary.
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Step 5: Recognize that it is normal to end friendships at different times of life.
Detailed Guide
You may have a friend who isn’t around when things get difficult, but that doesn’t mean they can’t change.
Think about your friend’s personality and passions.
If you told them that they tend to disappear when negative things happen, what do you think their reaction would be? If your friend already knows that they tend to run away at any sign of trouble, sharing with them that this hurts you may not do any good.
However, if your friend is oblivious to this character flaw, sharing it with them might show them something they didn’t realize about themselves, and they may be motivated to change.
Whether or not your friend would change if you told them that their behavior hurts you, you need to think about whether or not you can remain friends with them as they are now—that is, as fair weather friends.
It usually takes people a long time to change if they change at all.
If you think you want to stay friends, you have to let go of your expectations for this friend to be there for you.
Once you do this, you may be able to have a normal friendship.
If you decide that you don’t want to be friends anymore, you should act on this decision. , If you decide to stay friends with a fair weather friend, you must let go of your expectations that they can be relied upon.
This means not sharing emotionally charged or privileged information with them anymore.
If they can’t be there for you in hard times, they are not someone who can support you at all.
Limit the things you share with them.
For example, don’t tell them things such as family secrets.
If a friend can’t be relied on to be available during hard times, they can’t be trusted at all, not even to keep secrets. , If you have thought about your friend and realized you don’t have time to waste on someone who doesn’t understand the basic give and take of friendships, you might want to end the friendship.
There are a few ways to do this, including gradual backing off and confronting your friend directly.
The slowly backing off approach is usually easier, but may leave your friend feeling mystified and sad, as well as lacking closure.
This approach may also end with your friend gossiping about you out of hurt.Confronting your friend directly is painful for both parties, but it can be the best way because it shows that you respect your friend enough to communicate clearly. , Studies show that people make a lot of friends in their late teens, have fewer friends in their 20s as they are settling down and having children, have more friends in their 30s as they get used to having kids, and then start shutting people out again in their 40s and 50s as they decide what is most valuable in life.You may be in one of these stages of life, and you can explain that this is why you are ending a friendship.
About the Author
Diane Campbell
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in practical skills and beyond.
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