How to Handle a Loved One's Sobriety Relapse

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Identify the warning signs of cravings leading to relapse.

   The sooner you deal with a loved one’s relapse, the better.
   
   In order to get a jump on the problem, you should keep a sharp ear and eye out for early indications of an oncoming or beginning relapse.
   
   For example, romanticizing about old times associated with using, or suggesting that casual or controlled use is possible, can indicate that your loved one is feeling the ‘itch’ to use.Speaking pejoratively about recovery programs, meetings, or sober friends can also be a sign of waning recovery and cravings to use.
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   Step 2: Detect symptoms of drug or alcohol use.

   In addition to verbal clues indicating drug use, there are often behavioral changes which can help you identify a relapse.
   
   Unusual mood swings can reflect the effects of substance use and withdrawal, while irritability or defensiveness can indicate the fact that your loved one has something to hide.Also be sure to keep track of any misplaced cash, stolen credit cards, or missing household items, as these losses can mean that your loved one is paying for their habit. , Once you think you’ve detected and identified a relapse, take some time to reflect on the event and get in the right mindset to handle it.
   
   While your first reaction might be panic, exhaustion, anger, fear, or disheartenment, don’t let these feelings weigh you down.
   
   Instead, remember that recovery is a long and bumpy road, and that most addicts experience a relapse at one time or another.If you’re having trouble dealing with the idea of your loved one’s relapse and the task ahead, go to a support group meeting for allies and family members, such as Al-Anon.
   
   The group will be able to provide emotional support for your discovery and decisions, as well as share valuable information, resources, and strategies for moving forward. , The minute you suspect or discover a loved one’s relapse, you should contact them regarding your observations.
   
   If you’re not open about the issue from the get-go, you encourage secretive behavior and poor communication by modeling it in your own actions.
   
   By confronting them openly and promptly, you show respect and honesty, while also demonstrating that you won’t tolerate secretive or evasive behavior in your relationship.Make sure you articulate your concern in a loving, sympathetic manner, and also that you do it in a one-on-one situation so that your loved one doesn’t feel embarrassed or ganged-up on.
   
   For example, pull the person aside for a moment and say something like, “Hey, I’ve been noticing you’ve been missing meetings and showing wild mood swings.
   
   Have you been using again? It’s okay, we can handle it together, but you need to be honest with me.” , If your loved one feels genuine support and compassion from you, they’re much more likely to respond positively to your intervention and re-engage in treatment.
   
   Tell them how much you love them and how you plan to stick with them through another round of recovery.
   
   Remind and assure them that relapse is normal.You can also remind them that they’ve been through this before.
   
   This means that they’ve got the tools they need to be successful this time, as long as they keep trying. , After expressing your love and support, encourage your loved one to seek out further professional support.
   
   Whether you offer to help them re-enroll in a rehabilitation center, accompany them to a meeting, or get them back in touch with a sponsor, sober friend, or addiction hotline, you need to be proactive about getting them back into an organized treatment plan.If you don’t know your loved one’s support network or prior treatment programs, contact a substance abuse hotline for local resources to which you can point your loved one. , No matter what your loved one’s reactions to your relapse talk, you should be prepared for them to refuse help or continue using and lying.
   
   In this case, you’ll need to make it clear that you won’t tolerate substance use and will enforce consequences if the person continues to use.
   
   Failure to communicate and enforce boundaries can normalize addictive behaviors and compromise your ongoing relationship.For some families, partners, or friends, this boundary entails kicking the loved one out of the house until they reenter treatment.
   
   For others, it means cutting off phone contact, refusing to see the person socially, or suspending any financial or business ties. , One of the best ways to alienate a relapsing addict is to cajole or push them into treatment with guilt.
   
   Since addiction is a disease and not an easily controlled behavior or moral choice, you can’t prompt them into good behavior by merely appealing to their values or punishing compulsive behaviors.For example, as tempting as it may be, don’t say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d see how much this is hurting me and stop.” Such appeals incite and exacerbate counterproductive feelings of guilt and shame rather than motivating the person to return to recovery., The unpleasant and discouraging experience of a relapse can be turned into a positive if you couch it as a teachable moment.
   
   Rather than looking at this relapse as a failure, look at it as an indication that current treatment measures need to be adjusted or redoubled.If your loved one was in treatment during the relapse, have them speak to a counselor about other options or approaches to add to their recovery repertoire.
   
   For example, if their AA group doesn’t seem to be helping, maybe your loved one should enter an inpatient rehab program, try a faith-based option, or one-on-one counseling. , All addicts have specific incidents or situations which make them feel particularly drawn or compelled to use.
   
   Most people, for example, find stressful events, such as a death or crisis in the family, money problems or times of plenty, certain holidays, or parties, make them crave substances more than usual.
   
   If you can identify these triggers ahead of time, you can potentially cut off a relapse before it begins.When a triggering situation occurs, have a plan ready to prevent relapsing behavior.
   
   Double up on meetings, call the loved one’s sponsor and have them on-hand, or organize lots of sober activities to keep the person busy. , Aside from special circumstances such as family crises or personal trauma, household friction or interpersonal conflicts are a major source of relapse for addicts.
   
   In order to decrease the chances of your loved one relapsing, then, you can keep communication and relationship negotiations civil.This doesn’t mean you have to eliminate all conflict or disagreements in your household or friendship circle.
   
   Rather, make a special attempt to keep these disputes level-headed, clear, and amiable. , Honesty and openness are essential to preserving sobriety and supporting another person’s recovery.
   
   Discuss any problems immediately and without accusations, concede when one person is right or wrong, and agree not to take punitive measures for mistakes or disclosures borne from honesty.If you find the two of you getting in fights and showing poor communication, consider going to a professional counselor who can help mediate you and your friend or family member’s discourse. , Slips are times when a recovering addict returns to substance abuse for a short period of time but gets back on track with recovery almost immediately.
   
   They differ from relapses in their length of time as well as in the nature of the lapse: rather than going back to old patterns of behavior and losing motivation as they do in a relapse, they retain the values and commitment to treatment.
   
   While slips are less severe than relapses, you need to take them seriously by recognizing and responding to them.If you ignore slips, you’re implicitly encouraging drug use and paving the way to a relapse. , Often times, an addict’s whole social life revolves around drugs or alcohol, so finding a network of friends and activities to fill up their sober life can be particularly challenging.
   
   You can assist them in this challenge and support their abstinence by coordinating fun group events that don’t rely on drugs or alcohol.For example, join a club sport or community art class with your loved one, or organize a board game night with sober or abstinence-supporting friends. , While it’s ultimately an addict’s responsibility to maintain their recovery, you can help them stay on track by being informed about their treatment-related events, such as meetings, treatment sessions, and therapy groups.
   
   Keep a calendar of these appointments and make sure they attend them by checking in frequently.
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   Step 3: Don’t be discouraged by the relapse.

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   Step 4: Address your suspicions with your loved one.

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   Step 5: Communicate support for your loved one through the relapse.

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   Step 6: Reconnect your loved one with sources of professional support.

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   Step 7: Maintain no-tolerance boundaries and consequences.

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   Step 8: Don’t punish or threaten your loved one.

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   Step 9: Use the relapse as a learning experience.

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    Step 10: Know your loved one’s triggers.

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    Step 11: Avoid arguments and blow-ups.

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    Step 12: Keep lines of communication open.

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    Step 13: Don’t ignore ‘slips’ in drug use.

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    Step 14: Organize sober social activities and networks that support abstinence.

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    Step 15: Keep track of your loved one’s treatment program.

Detailed Guide

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