How to Handle a Relative Who Is Abusive to Others
Identify whether you are in an abusive relationship., Tell the person you won’t accept the behavior., Keep your children away from the abuser., Don’t allow the abuser to disregard your feelings.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify whether you are in an abusive relationship.
Before you start setting boundaries, take some time to determine if the person is abusing you.
There are many different signs of abuse that you can watch for including:
Monitoring your activities.
Controlling your spending.
Forcing you to dress a certain way.
Preventing or discouraging you from seeing friends and family.
Humiliating you in front of other people.
Threatening to hurt you, your children, or your pets.
Blaming you for their violence against you.
Forcing you to have sex with them. -
Step 2: Tell the person you won’t accept the behavior.
Talk to your family member about their behavior, if you are the victim.
Let them know you will no longer tolerate it.
How they behave afterwards is up to them.
Also, let them know that there will also be consequences if the behavior continues.
For instance, you can say, “You are my brother and I love you.
However, I will not allow you to call me names, treat me poorly, and talk about my family.
I will no longer spend time around you if you can’t comply.” Stick to what you say or you’ll allow the abuse to continue., Abusers typically only act out on one or two people, while being nice to most others.
This may be the case in your family.
The abuser may be horrible to one of your relatives but absolutely charming with your children.
Avoid letting your children spend time with them, even if this is the case.
Allowing your kids to interact with the abuser puts them at risk for potential abuse.
It also sends them a message that you are accepting and tolerant of that behavior.
Additionally, it may make them witness to the abuse of others., Your abuser will likely turn the blame on you if you confront them for crossing your boundaries.
They may accuse you of being “too sensitive” or of not being able to take a joke.
This is just their way of defending themselves.
Don’t allow it to cause you to second-guess yourself.
Understand that the abuser may never take you seriously.
You will likely have to accept this is if you choose to remain in contact with them.Also, be aware that if someone is abusive towards you, then they likely have personal issues going on.
Stand your ground and be firm in your beliefs. -
Step 3: Keep your children away from the abuser.
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Step 4: Don’t allow the abuser to disregard your feelings.
Detailed Guide
Before you start setting boundaries, take some time to determine if the person is abusing you.
There are many different signs of abuse that you can watch for including:
Monitoring your activities.
Controlling your spending.
Forcing you to dress a certain way.
Preventing or discouraging you from seeing friends and family.
Humiliating you in front of other people.
Threatening to hurt you, your children, or your pets.
Blaming you for their violence against you.
Forcing you to have sex with them.
Talk to your family member about their behavior, if you are the victim.
Let them know you will no longer tolerate it.
How they behave afterwards is up to them.
Also, let them know that there will also be consequences if the behavior continues.
For instance, you can say, “You are my brother and I love you.
However, I will not allow you to call me names, treat me poorly, and talk about my family.
I will no longer spend time around you if you can’t comply.” Stick to what you say or you’ll allow the abuse to continue., Abusers typically only act out on one or two people, while being nice to most others.
This may be the case in your family.
The abuser may be horrible to one of your relatives but absolutely charming with your children.
Avoid letting your children spend time with them, even if this is the case.
Allowing your kids to interact with the abuser puts them at risk for potential abuse.
It also sends them a message that you are accepting and tolerant of that behavior.
Additionally, it may make them witness to the abuse of others., Your abuser will likely turn the blame on you if you confront them for crossing your boundaries.
They may accuse you of being “too sensitive” or of not being able to take a joke.
This is just their way of defending themselves.
Don’t allow it to cause you to second-guess yourself.
Understand that the abuser may never take you seriously.
You will likely have to accept this is if you choose to remain in contact with them.Also, be aware that if someone is abusive towards you, then they likely have personal issues going on.
Stand your ground and be firm in your beliefs.
About the Author
Cynthia Stokes
Writer and educator with a focus on practical lifestyle knowledge.
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