How to Handle Friends with Different Parenting Styles
Keep your judgments to yourself., Try not to take things personally., Offer support., Know when you should "judge" and take action.
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Keep your judgments to yourself.
One of the quickest ways to ruin a friendship is to judge your friend’s parenting style.
Parenting is extremely personal and everyone does the best that they can.
If you tell your friend—or others—that their parenting style is wrong, you’ll likely find yourself at least one friend short of what you had.
If you must say something, say it in such a way that is complimentary rather than critical.
For instance, tell your friend, “I love hearing your stories about how much fun you have when you go to parties, but my teenager is easily influenced, so could we keep the wild stories between us? I think it’s great that you are open with your kids about your partying, but I’d rather my kid didn’t hear about it.” Saying your peace in a non-combative, complimentary way gets your point across without being harsh or judgmental.Or you might show interest and say something like, "Why did you choose to handle that situation the way you did?" This may prompt them to think about their choice. -
Step 2: Try not to take things personally.
If your friend questions your style, do your best to not take it personally.
Parenting is difficult and everyone has questions about whether or not they are doing it right.
Chances are, they may be asking about your style because they want to implement it themselves.
If you aren’t able to let it go, talk to your friend about it.
Say, “I value our friendship and I love that our kids are able to play together.
But sometimes I feel like you are judging me when you question my choices.” There’s a good possibility that you are misunderstanding the intentions of your friend and talking it out can clear things up., If you’re upset about your friend’s parenting style, chances are, they’ve received criticism from others, as well.
They may feel shut out and need you right now.
If they acknowledge being upset or overwhelmed, you might ask, "Have you ever thought about talking to somebody about all this?" This may allow a counselor to intervene and help them with their detrimental parenting style, preserving your friendship.
Try to be there for your friend, even if you disagree with their parenting methods.
Take your friend out to lunch, watch their children for them so they can have alone time, or simply just pick up the phone and reach out to them.
Despite your differences, it will mean a lot to your friend to know that you are there for them when they are hurting., Despite your friendship, as a parent, you also want to be on the lookout for signs of neglect or abuse in your children (when they are in the care of your friend) and your friend's children.
Sometimes, differences in parenting styles run the gamut of actions that are actually dangerous or harmful to children.
If you spot any signs of mistreatment, have the courage to seek out the proper authorities.
If you notice either of your children acting especially fearful or withdrawn, flinching upon touching, acting too mature (e.g. taking care of the other children) or much younger (e.g. sucking thumbs) than their age, or having unexplained bruises, these could be signs of child abuse or neglect.
You can report instances of abuse/neglect by calling your local Child Protective Services (CPS) office.
If it is an emergency situation, dial 911 or your local emergency department. -
Step 3: Offer support.
-
Step 4: Know when you should "judge" and take action.
Detailed Guide
One of the quickest ways to ruin a friendship is to judge your friend’s parenting style.
Parenting is extremely personal and everyone does the best that they can.
If you tell your friend—or others—that their parenting style is wrong, you’ll likely find yourself at least one friend short of what you had.
If you must say something, say it in such a way that is complimentary rather than critical.
For instance, tell your friend, “I love hearing your stories about how much fun you have when you go to parties, but my teenager is easily influenced, so could we keep the wild stories between us? I think it’s great that you are open with your kids about your partying, but I’d rather my kid didn’t hear about it.” Saying your peace in a non-combative, complimentary way gets your point across without being harsh or judgmental.Or you might show interest and say something like, "Why did you choose to handle that situation the way you did?" This may prompt them to think about their choice.
If your friend questions your style, do your best to not take it personally.
Parenting is difficult and everyone has questions about whether or not they are doing it right.
Chances are, they may be asking about your style because they want to implement it themselves.
If you aren’t able to let it go, talk to your friend about it.
Say, “I value our friendship and I love that our kids are able to play together.
But sometimes I feel like you are judging me when you question my choices.” There’s a good possibility that you are misunderstanding the intentions of your friend and talking it out can clear things up., If you’re upset about your friend’s parenting style, chances are, they’ve received criticism from others, as well.
They may feel shut out and need you right now.
If they acknowledge being upset or overwhelmed, you might ask, "Have you ever thought about talking to somebody about all this?" This may allow a counselor to intervene and help them with their detrimental parenting style, preserving your friendship.
Try to be there for your friend, even if you disagree with their parenting methods.
Take your friend out to lunch, watch their children for them so they can have alone time, or simply just pick up the phone and reach out to them.
Despite your differences, it will mean a lot to your friend to know that you are there for them when they are hurting., Despite your friendship, as a parent, you also want to be on the lookout for signs of neglect or abuse in your children (when they are in the care of your friend) and your friend's children.
Sometimes, differences in parenting styles run the gamut of actions that are actually dangerous or harmful to children.
If you spot any signs of mistreatment, have the courage to seek out the proper authorities.
If you notice either of your children acting especially fearful or withdrawn, flinching upon touching, acting too mature (e.g. taking care of the other children) or much younger (e.g. sucking thumbs) than their age, or having unexplained bruises, these could be signs of child abuse or neglect.
You can report instances of abuse/neglect by calling your local Child Protective Services (CPS) office.
If it is an emergency situation, dial 911 or your local emergency department.
About the Author
Carol Coleman
Brings years of experience writing about home improvement and related subjects.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: