How to Handle Getting the Silent Treatment
Refrain from showing a reaction., Request a time to discuss the issue., Try to see the situation from the other point-of-view., Use “I” statements when the discussion happens.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Refrain from showing a reaction.
Although some people engage in the silent treatment without realizing its toxic effects on relationships, some people purposely withdraw and ignore to hurt your feelings.
In any case, if you start apologizing (and you don’t even know what you did wrong) or you start begging the person to pay attention to you, you are feeding the beast.Instead, take a silent treatment as a green light to collect yourself.
Don’t show any anger.
Don’t passive-aggressively force the person to talk to you.
Don’t provoke an argument.
Just give them and yourself some space until things simmer down.
When you are around the person, strive to appear relaxed and positive.
Don’t let on that the person’s behavior is negatively affecting you, even if it is. -
Step 2: Request a time to discuss the issue.
People who give the silent treatment are basically sending signals about what they need because they are not able to communicate their needs effectively.
Your friend or partner may not be trying to hurt you by pulling away.
Rather, they are probably trying to nurse their own wounds after an argument.
Take the high road and do what they aren’t able to do: pick a time to discuss the issue like adults.Saying, “We’re both emotional right now and need some time to think.
How about we give it a few hours and come back around 3pm to finish this discussion.” Doing this stops the silent treatment from having any impact because the silence is agreed upon.
Then, once both of you have gained some objectivity, try to resolve the misunderstanding. , Keep in mind that communication is a two-way street.
If your loved one feels the need to avoid you or place a deadlock on communication, they must be hurting.
Aim to empathize with the person and see things from their perspective.
Review the exchange that preceded the silent treatment and consider what the other person said.
What did you say back? If you place yourself in their shoes, how would you feel?For instance, consider that you were pressuring your mother about letting you go to a party, so she started ignoring you.
Thinking about it from her point-of-view helps you to realize that it's frustrating to be pressured and you would be annoyed as well.
If you still feel bothered by the person’s silence, try talking with a trusted friend or relative to get an outside perspective on the situation.
Be sure to pick someone who will be honest and gracious with you. , The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive approach that can prompt passive-aggressiveness in you, too.
The other person refuses to share their feelings or engage in conversation, so you decide to ignore them right back.
Instead use an assertive approach that can help you get your message across without worsening the circumstances. ”I” statements are a practical way to share your thoughts and feelings without blaming the other person.You might say, “When I’m ignored, I feel small and powerless.
I would like it if we could be more active in sharing our feelings and not withdraw from each other.
Next time, can you ask for some space rather than just ignoring me?” As you talk with the person, make sure that you lead by example and respond with kindness, humility, respect, and self-control.
Avoid accusing the person of things or assuming what their intentions might be. -
Step 3: Try to see the situation from the other point-of-view.
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Step 4: Use “I” statements when the discussion happens.
Detailed Guide
Although some people engage in the silent treatment without realizing its toxic effects on relationships, some people purposely withdraw and ignore to hurt your feelings.
In any case, if you start apologizing (and you don’t even know what you did wrong) or you start begging the person to pay attention to you, you are feeding the beast.Instead, take a silent treatment as a green light to collect yourself.
Don’t show any anger.
Don’t passive-aggressively force the person to talk to you.
Don’t provoke an argument.
Just give them and yourself some space until things simmer down.
When you are around the person, strive to appear relaxed and positive.
Don’t let on that the person’s behavior is negatively affecting you, even if it is.
People who give the silent treatment are basically sending signals about what they need because they are not able to communicate their needs effectively.
Your friend or partner may not be trying to hurt you by pulling away.
Rather, they are probably trying to nurse their own wounds after an argument.
Take the high road and do what they aren’t able to do: pick a time to discuss the issue like adults.Saying, “We’re both emotional right now and need some time to think.
How about we give it a few hours and come back around 3pm to finish this discussion.” Doing this stops the silent treatment from having any impact because the silence is agreed upon.
Then, once both of you have gained some objectivity, try to resolve the misunderstanding. , Keep in mind that communication is a two-way street.
If your loved one feels the need to avoid you or place a deadlock on communication, they must be hurting.
Aim to empathize with the person and see things from their perspective.
Review the exchange that preceded the silent treatment and consider what the other person said.
What did you say back? If you place yourself in their shoes, how would you feel?For instance, consider that you were pressuring your mother about letting you go to a party, so she started ignoring you.
Thinking about it from her point-of-view helps you to realize that it's frustrating to be pressured and you would be annoyed as well.
If you still feel bothered by the person’s silence, try talking with a trusted friend or relative to get an outside perspective on the situation.
Be sure to pick someone who will be honest and gracious with you. , The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive approach that can prompt passive-aggressiveness in you, too.
The other person refuses to share their feelings or engage in conversation, so you decide to ignore them right back.
Instead use an assertive approach that can help you get your message across without worsening the circumstances. ”I” statements are a practical way to share your thoughts and feelings without blaming the other person.You might say, “When I’m ignored, I feel small and powerless.
I would like it if we could be more active in sharing our feelings and not withdraw from each other.
Next time, can you ask for some space rather than just ignoring me?” As you talk with the person, make sure that you lead by example and respond with kindness, humility, respect, and self-control.
Avoid accusing the person of things or assuming what their intentions might be.
About the Author
Judy Webb
Committed to making organization accessible and understandable for everyone.
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