How to Handle Sexual Harassment from a Clergy Member
Talk to a trusted individual., Demand they stop., Set and keep boundaries.Set clear boundaries with the perpetrator and keep them., Watch for grooming., Attend a different place of worship., Create distance between you and the perpetrator., Speak...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Talk to a trusted individual.
If you are uncomfortable and believe you are being sexually harassed by a clergy member, tell someone immediately.
It is important that you talk with someone you trust about what is going on.
Discussing it will help you work through what is happening and will also help with taking the next steps.Talking to a trusted individual will also provide you the opportunity to ask for guidance about the situation.
If you are underage, tell your parents or another adult that you trust immediately.
Consider talking to another clergy member in your place of worship.
Tell any other adult or authority figure within your place of worship that you trust. -
Step 2: Demand they stop.
In addition to letting someone else know what is happening, it is important to demand that the perpetrator stop.
This will ensure that they are aware of how you feel and let them know that you feel their actions are inappropriate.
Be very clear and firm.
Tell them that what they are doing is inappropriate, is making you uncomfortable, and that you want them to stop.Try stating the following: ”Stop now.
This is inappropriate.” ”It makes me very uncomfortable when you say things like that to me.
Stop.” ”This is harassment.
Stop right now.” , Setting boundaries should include communicating what the boundaries are in your interactions together.
It may also be important to indicate what will happen if the clergy member does not respect the boundaries.
Communicate these boundaries to the perpetrator in whatever way makes you comfortable (in person with a trusted person with you, over email, text, etc.).
Boundaries could include the following:
The clergy member not visiting your home.
No calls or electronic communication from the clergy member being allowed.
When you and the clergy member are in the same space, there will always be other individuals present. , Grooming is when an adult forms a relationship with a child and builds an emotional connection.
The adult may do this by buying gifts for the child, advising or listening to the child, giving the child attention, or even taking the child on special trips and outings.
The purpose of grooming is to get the child to trust the adult for the purpose of abusing or exploiting the child later on.Grooming is a subtle manipulation tactic, but abusers may also use more direct forms of manipulation to ensure that their abuse remains a secret.
They may threaten, blackmail, bribe, or physically punish the children they abuse.If the clergy member has done these types of things to get you to trust them and keep silent about sexual harassment, then tell someone about this. , It seems incredibly unfair that you should have to leave a place of worship having done nothing wrong.
However, it may be beneficial to attend a different place than the one where the clergy member is serving.
Changing your place of worship may be desirable especially if they did not handle the matter seriously (or worse, blamed you, the victim).Begin by researching other places of worship in your area and maybe attending a service or two to see if you like it there. , If you do choose to stay at your place of worship, ensure you feel safe at all times by maintaining distance.
This can be difficult, but with a little work may go a long way to making you feel comfortable again.
Creating distance between you and the perpetrator may include the following:
Making sure you do not spend any time alone with them instead having a trusted friend or family member with you.Avoiding the clergy member as much as possible by not attending the services they preside over.
Keeping your distance at community and social functions. , Often these instances are not spoken about.
Be an advocate for yourself and others who may have experienced similar situations.
You may find it therapeutic and helpful for you to talk about things further and to share your story with others.
Speak out both within the religious community as well as outside of it.Make sure to take care of yourself before trying to help others.
You might be able to find local groups and resources in the following ways:
Visit a local crisis center to ask about services they offer, if they have a directory of local support groups, or if they have ideas on how you can speak out.
Contact a victim's advocacy organization.
Look for online resources and communities.
This can be especially helpful if your local community does not have many supportive services or advocates available. -
Step 3: Set and keep boundaries.Set clear boundaries with the perpetrator and keep them.
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Step 4: Watch for grooming.
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Step 5: Attend a different place of worship.
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Step 6: Create distance between you and the perpetrator.
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Step 7: Speak out and advocate.
Detailed Guide
If you are uncomfortable and believe you are being sexually harassed by a clergy member, tell someone immediately.
It is important that you talk with someone you trust about what is going on.
Discussing it will help you work through what is happening and will also help with taking the next steps.Talking to a trusted individual will also provide you the opportunity to ask for guidance about the situation.
If you are underage, tell your parents or another adult that you trust immediately.
Consider talking to another clergy member in your place of worship.
Tell any other adult or authority figure within your place of worship that you trust.
In addition to letting someone else know what is happening, it is important to demand that the perpetrator stop.
This will ensure that they are aware of how you feel and let them know that you feel their actions are inappropriate.
Be very clear and firm.
Tell them that what they are doing is inappropriate, is making you uncomfortable, and that you want them to stop.Try stating the following: ”Stop now.
This is inappropriate.” ”It makes me very uncomfortable when you say things like that to me.
Stop.” ”This is harassment.
Stop right now.” , Setting boundaries should include communicating what the boundaries are in your interactions together.
It may also be important to indicate what will happen if the clergy member does not respect the boundaries.
Communicate these boundaries to the perpetrator in whatever way makes you comfortable (in person with a trusted person with you, over email, text, etc.).
Boundaries could include the following:
The clergy member not visiting your home.
No calls or electronic communication from the clergy member being allowed.
When you and the clergy member are in the same space, there will always be other individuals present. , Grooming is when an adult forms a relationship with a child and builds an emotional connection.
The adult may do this by buying gifts for the child, advising or listening to the child, giving the child attention, or even taking the child on special trips and outings.
The purpose of grooming is to get the child to trust the adult for the purpose of abusing or exploiting the child later on.Grooming is a subtle manipulation tactic, but abusers may also use more direct forms of manipulation to ensure that their abuse remains a secret.
They may threaten, blackmail, bribe, or physically punish the children they abuse.If the clergy member has done these types of things to get you to trust them and keep silent about sexual harassment, then tell someone about this. , It seems incredibly unfair that you should have to leave a place of worship having done nothing wrong.
However, it may be beneficial to attend a different place than the one where the clergy member is serving.
Changing your place of worship may be desirable especially if they did not handle the matter seriously (or worse, blamed you, the victim).Begin by researching other places of worship in your area and maybe attending a service or two to see if you like it there. , If you do choose to stay at your place of worship, ensure you feel safe at all times by maintaining distance.
This can be difficult, but with a little work may go a long way to making you feel comfortable again.
Creating distance between you and the perpetrator may include the following:
Making sure you do not spend any time alone with them instead having a trusted friend or family member with you.Avoiding the clergy member as much as possible by not attending the services they preside over.
Keeping your distance at community and social functions. , Often these instances are not spoken about.
Be an advocate for yourself and others who may have experienced similar situations.
You may find it therapeutic and helpful for you to talk about things further and to share your story with others.
Speak out both within the religious community as well as outside of it.Make sure to take care of yourself before trying to help others.
You might be able to find local groups and resources in the following ways:
Visit a local crisis center to ask about services they offer, if they have a directory of local support groups, or if they have ideas on how you can speak out.
Contact a victim's advocacy organization.
Look for online resources and communities.
This can be especially helpful if your local community does not have many supportive services or advocates available.
About the Author
Doris Fox
A passionate writer with expertise in DIY projects topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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