How to Handle Unreliable Friends

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Call out the behavior.

   Your friend is often inconsiderate of your time.
   
   You’re better off recognizing the problem for what it is than making excuses for this person.
   
   If you want to continue the friendship, but don’t want to put up with the behavior, your best option is to say something.
   
   Maybe shedding light on the bad behavior will provoke change.
   
   You might say, “Hey, Carla.
   
   You always seem to bow out of our plans at the last minute without any explanation.
   
   That makes me feel like I’m not a priority as your friend.
   
   What’s up with that?”
2. 2

   Step 2: Ask how you can help your friend improve.

   One way to lend a helping hand to an unreliable friend is to simply ask how you can help.Your friend may already be aware of his or her unreliable behavior, but doesn't know how to change it.
   
   By showing that you care, you may be able to come up with a practical strategy to help overcome this issue.
   
   Listen to your friend and hear what he or she has to say.
   
   Your friend may have some suggestions about how you can help.
   
   Or, he or she may just be glad you are willing to show support when it's needed.
   
   Only offer suggestions if your advice is requested.
   
   Remember, you are trying to be a good friend, not fix the problem for him or her.
   
   Say something to the extent of "I see you struggle a lot to remember our plans.
   
   Is there something I can do to help you with that?"
   
   Sometimes, when we are frustrated with people, we give them a big list of all the things we don't want.This can lead to confusion and overwhelm.
   
   Instead, let your friend know exactly what you do want.
   
   Then, be sure to hold him or her accountable to meeting these expectations.
   
   For example, tell your friend "I expect for you to be on time when we make plans.
   
   And, if for some reason you will not be on time, I expect for you to let me know as soon as possible." If your friend agrees to meet this expectation, and then fails to do so, you must call him or her out on it.
   
   Say "I am on time for plans with you.
   
   I expect you to do the same, or I will let you know that I am upset about your being late."
   
   You may choose to change your expectations of the friendship.
   
   If the friend is a good friend who has suddenly seen big changes is his or her life, you may just have to move past the fact that there are going to be missed events.As friends start to have committed relationships and families, you may see a sudden spike in your best friend suddenly just not showing up and not calling to say why.
   
   This can be a sign he or she is having troubles adjusting to young children and not ready to acknowledge the huge impact kids have on life.
   
   If the friendship is solid and valuable, it is worth it to you to just accept this change.
   
   Part of being a true friend is accepting your friend for who he or she is and loving him or her anyway.
3. 3

   Step 3: Be clear about what you want and hold your friend accountable.

4. 4

   Step 4: Modify your expectations.

Detailed Guide

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