How to Handle Your Child's Temper Tantrum
Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly., Make sure the child has what he or she needs., Ask what’s wrong., Give clear explanations instead of just saying “no.” Many parents just say “no” and “because I said so” instead of explaining the...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remain calm enough to handle the tantrum properly.
The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum.
Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down.
Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response. -
Step 2: Make sure the child has what he or she needs.
Remember that your child's tantrum is not necessarily a way to "get his/her way"
but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems.
Maybe your child is teething, has a dirty diaper, or needs a nap.
In cases like these, don’t try to negotiate with the child, but simply provide what is needed and the tantrum will subside.
It’s very common for kids to throw tantrums when they’re sleepy.
A regularly-scheduled naptime can help prevent recurring tantrums if this seems to be the problem.
When you’re out and about with your child, have a healthy snack available at all times, so he or she doesn’t end up throwing a tantrum out of hunger. , Kids just want to be heard, and throwing a tantrum is often the best way they know how to express themselves.
Taking your child seriously by asking what’s wrong and actually listening to the response can help.
Hold your child and give him or her your full attention so he or she has time to explain.
This is not to say that you need to give in to whatever your child wants.
The point is simply to hear your child out in a respectful way, just as you would anyone else.
Whether your child wants a new toy or doesn’t want to go to school, he or she should have the right to express that. , You don’t have to give a long-winded explanation, but providing a reason for your actions will help the child make sense of things and feel more in control of the situation.
For example, if you’re in the grocery store and your child throws a tantrum because he/she wants sugary cereal, remind him/her that he/she likes oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, so there’s no need to buy cereal, too. , For example, your son/daughter wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner.
Say: "Johnny/Alexis, you're really getting upset now.
Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him/her a choice: either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he/she won't influence others.
If he/she makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him/her: "You asked for ice cream and I said no.
I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset.
Guide him/her to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example.
This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better. , Be empathetic but firm when you talk with your child, and once you’ve given a calm explanation, don’t back down.
Your child may or may not calm down right away, but he or she will remember that throwing a tantrum doesn’t lead to satisfactory results.
Next time your child wants something, he or she will be less likely to throw a tantrum. , Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum.
If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger.
Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting.
Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly.
Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings. , It’s important to model the behavior you want to see for your child.
If you lose it and start yelling and throwing an adult-style tantrum of your own, your child will see this type of behavior as something that’s acceptable at your house.
It’s not easy to do, but staying calm and collected is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child.
Take a few minutes to cool off by yourself if you need to.
Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down.
Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.
Do not spank or yell at your child.
Losing control of yourself in this way will only make your child feel confused and scared of you.
It won’t lead to a healthy and trusting relationship.
Modeling good ways to communicate and handle frustration within your relationship with your partner is also important.
Avoid fighting in front of your child, or getting upset when you don’t get your way. , Sometimes kids throw tantrums because they just want some extra love and attention.
Withholding love is never a good policy when it comes to disciplining a child.
No matter what, your child should know that you love him or her no matter what.
Avoid berating your child or saying “I’m so disappointed in you” when he or she throws a tantrum.
Hug your child and say “I love you,” even if you’re very frustrated with his or her behavior. -
Step 3: Ask what’s wrong.
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Step 4: Give clear explanations instead of just saying “no.” Many parents just say “no” and “because I said so” instead of explaining the reason why
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Step 5: but that’s frustrating for kids.
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Step 6: Offer your child a choice of coping strategies.
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Step 7: Hold your ground.
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Step 8: Take steps to prevent injury.
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Step 9: Don’t lose your own temper.
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Step 10: Help your child feel loved no matter what.
Detailed Guide
The worst thing parents can do is have a temper tantrum over their child's temper tantrum.
Children need a calming influence, especially during a tantrum, and if you can’t provide that, you can’t expect them to calm down.
Take a few deep breaths and wait at least a few seconds before deciding on a response.
Remember that your child's tantrum is not necessarily a way to "get his/her way"
but could be the result of frustration, lack of needed attention from you, or even a physical problem, like low blood sugar, pain or digestive problems.
Maybe your child is teething, has a dirty diaper, or needs a nap.
In cases like these, don’t try to negotiate with the child, but simply provide what is needed and the tantrum will subside.
It’s very common for kids to throw tantrums when they’re sleepy.
A regularly-scheduled naptime can help prevent recurring tantrums if this seems to be the problem.
When you’re out and about with your child, have a healthy snack available at all times, so he or she doesn’t end up throwing a tantrum out of hunger. , Kids just want to be heard, and throwing a tantrum is often the best way they know how to express themselves.
Taking your child seriously by asking what’s wrong and actually listening to the response can help.
Hold your child and give him or her your full attention so he or she has time to explain.
This is not to say that you need to give in to whatever your child wants.
The point is simply to hear your child out in a respectful way, just as you would anyone else.
Whether your child wants a new toy or doesn’t want to go to school, he or she should have the right to express that. , You don’t have to give a long-winded explanation, but providing a reason for your actions will help the child make sense of things and feel more in control of the situation.
For example, if you’re in the grocery store and your child throws a tantrum because he/she wants sugary cereal, remind him/her that he/she likes oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, so there’s no need to buy cereal, too. , For example, your son/daughter wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner.
Say: "Johnny/Alexis, you're really getting upset now.
Calm down or you'll have to go to your room." You have given him/her a choice: either control himself or, if he can't, retreat to a place where he/she won't influence others.
If he/she makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him/her: "You asked for ice cream and I said no.
I want to thank you for taking no for an answer." Conversely, have consequences and enforce them if he chooses to get upset.
Guide him/her to his room and firmly insist that he remain there until he calms down, for example.
This is easier with a two-year-old than with an eight-year-old, so the younger you begin the learning process the better. , Be empathetic but firm when you talk with your child, and once you’ve given a calm explanation, don’t back down.
Your child may or may not calm down right away, but he or she will remember that throwing a tantrum doesn’t lead to satisfactory results.
Next time your child wants something, he or she will be less likely to throw a tantrum. , Some children can become quite animated during a tantrum.
If this occurs, remove dangerous objects from the child’s path or steer the child away from danger.
Try to avoid restraining a child during a tantrum, but sometimes this is necessary and comforting.
Be gentle (do not use excessive force), but hold him or her firmly.
Speak reassuringly to the child, especially if the tantrum is the result of disappointment, frustration, or unfamiliar surroundings. , It’s important to model the behavior you want to see for your child.
If you lose it and start yelling and throwing an adult-style tantrum of your own, your child will see this type of behavior as something that’s acceptable at your house.
It’s not easy to do, but staying calm and collected is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child.
Take a few minutes to cool off by yourself if you need to.
Get your spouse or other responsible person to look after the child while you calm down.
Put your child in his or her room with a gate in front of the door if necessary.
Do not spank or yell at your child.
Losing control of yourself in this way will only make your child feel confused and scared of you.
It won’t lead to a healthy and trusting relationship.
Modeling good ways to communicate and handle frustration within your relationship with your partner is also important.
Avoid fighting in front of your child, or getting upset when you don’t get your way. , Sometimes kids throw tantrums because they just want some extra love and attention.
Withholding love is never a good policy when it comes to disciplining a child.
No matter what, your child should know that you love him or her no matter what.
Avoid berating your child or saying “I’m so disappointed in you” when he or she throws a tantrum.
Hug your child and say “I love you,” even if you’re very frustrated with his or her behavior.
About the Author
Sarah Patel
Committed to making practical skills accessible and understandable for everyone.
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