How to Deal with an Abusive Teacher if You're Autistic
Consider what the abuse is, whether it's verbal, physical, or sexual., Recognize verbal abuse., Recognize physical abuse., Recognize sexual abuse., Use "I" language to express your feelings to your teacher during a supervised discussion.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Consider what the abuse is
Do not assume the teacher is being abusive just because they're administering punishments. , Verbal abuse can take many forms.
It is meant to isolate you and make you feel bad.
It may involve humiliating you in front of the class.
Rage:
If your teacher lashes out at you, rages, or throws temper tantrums, this is abuse.
Your teacher should never subject you to such an emotional example of frustration.
Belittling:
This is language which is intended to "put you down".
If they say something such as "You're autistic and do not deserve the right to (do this or that)"
or "You're small, so you're wrong, and I'm big, and I'm right"
this is belittling.
Jokes:
Normally, jokes are funny, but if they're intended to make fun of your gender, your autism, your capabilities, etc, this is abuse.
An abusive joke makes you feel belittled and hurt.
Negligence:
Your teacher may refuse to give you a good mark just because you didn't do something.
They may even say things like "You're no longer allowed to use the bathroom for the rest of the year".
This is different from a teacher refusing to give you a good mark for failing on your tests or assignments.
Instead, you may be doing as well as everyone else in the class, but the teacher still refuses to even teach you.
Countering and correcting:
Your teacher may be attempting to counter or correct you in an abusive manner to oppose your reality, thoughts, and opinions, even though you're right.
For example, you may tell them that something they did was hurtful to you.
They'll say "You're crazy.
How am I being mean?".
This means the teacher is denying their abuse and your feelings in an attempt to remain in control over you and the situation.
Name-calling:
If you're called names such as "autist"
"fat"
the r word, or any other name that's hurtful to you, the teacher is being abusive. , Physical abuse can mean actually hitting you, or using physical tactics to scare you.
It also includes physically intervening in autism symptoms, such as "Quiet Hands" in which a student's hands will be grabbed and pinned down to stop stimming.
Throwing, hitting, or slamming objects:
The object may not touch you, but slamming objects around or hitting things and even throwing the said objects is abuse.
For example, a teacher might pick up your pencil and throw it across the room, slam their rulers against your desk, kick your chair, or pick up a desk and make it fall down on its side.
All these actions could cause fear or even stress.
Holding down, blocking, or pinning:
A teacher might try to put their hands on you and block you from going anywhere in an attempt to make you stay in your seat.
Use of weapons:
A teacher may threaten you with a weapon or even try to use it in order to hurt you.
Weapons include: pencils, rulers, books, and more obvious weapons such as knives, guns, and sticks.
Any other form of physical contact that wounds, injures, or hurts you in any way.
You might be hit, choked, or even kicked by the teacher. , Sexual abuse may involve exposing you to sexual content, making sensual comments, or touching you in areas that they shouldn't.
A teacher should never try to engage you in any form of sexual conduct.
This can range from obscene e-mails or phone calls, exposure to pornography or nudity, sexual exploitation, flirting or sexual language, or even voyeurism.
Teachers should not comment on the size or shape of your body.
A teacher should not pinch, poke, rub, grab, or in any way touch you in areas that would be covered by a bathing suit. , You can have an authority figure, like a parent or school principal, sit in during the meeting.
Use the format "When you _____, I felt _____." If the teacher is non-abusive, then upsetting you was an accident, and they will apologize and stop doing it because they care about your feelings.
If the teacher is abusive, you explaining your feelings will not stop them.An abusive teacher will try to explain away your feelings, maybe calling you too sensitive, and have excuses for still doing the thing that hurts you.
Or they'll pretend to be nice, then continue abusing you the next day or week.
Here are some examples: "When you joked about my test grade, I felt hurt and upset.
Please don't talk about my grades in front of other people." "When you pointed out my fidgeting to the whole class, I felt embarrassed and singled out.
Because of my disability, I need to fidget in order to focus." When you clapped your hands loudly in front of my face, I felt really startled.
Loud noises are jarring and upsetting to me." You don't need to do this alone.
Try asking a friend, parent, or guidance counselor to come with you and listen, for moral support and/or your safety. -
Step 2: whether it's verbal
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Step 3: physical
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Step 4: or sexual.
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Step 5: Recognize verbal abuse.
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Step 6: Recognize physical abuse.
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Step 7: Recognize sexual abuse.
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Step 8: Use "I" language to express your feelings to your teacher during a supervised discussion.
Detailed Guide
Do not assume the teacher is being abusive just because they're administering punishments. , Verbal abuse can take many forms.
It is meant to isolate you and make you feel bad.
It may involve humiliating you in front of the class.
Rage:
If your teacher lashes out at you, rages, or throws temper tantrums, this is abuse.
Your teacher should never subject you to such an emotional example of frustration.
Belittling:
This is language which is intended to "put you down".
If they say something such as "You're autistic and do not deserve the right to (do this or that)"
or "You're small, so you're wrong, and I'm big, and I'm right"
this is belittling.
Jokes:
Normally, jokes are funny, but if they're intended to make fun of your gender, your autism, your capabilities, etc, this is abuse.
An abusive joke makes you feel belittled and hurt.
Negligence:
Your teacher may refuse to give you a good mark just because you didn't do something.
They may even say things like "You're no longer allowed to use the bathroom for the rest of the year".
This is different from a teacher refusing to give you a good mark for failing on your tests or assignments.
Instead, you may be doing as well as everyone else in the class, but the teacher still refuses to even teach you.
Countering and correcting:
Your teacher may be attempting to counter or correct you in an abusive manner to oppose your reality, thoughts, and opinions, even though you're right.
For example, you may tell them that something they did was hurtful to you.
They'll say "You're crazy.
How am I being mean?".
This means the teacher is denying their abuse and your feelings in an attempt to remain in control over you and the situation.
Name-calling:
If you're called names such as "autist"
"fat"
the r word, or any other name that's hurtful to you, the teacher is being abusive. , Physical abuse can mean actually hitting you, or using physical tactics to scare you.
It also includes physically intervening in autism symptoms, such as "Quiet Hands" in which a student's hands will be grabbed and pinned down to stop stimming.
Throwing, hitting, or slamming objects:
The object may not touch you, but slamming objects around or hitting things and even throwing the said objects is abuse.
For example, a teacher might pick up your pencil and throw it across the room, slam their rulers against your desk, kick your chair, or pick up a desk and make it fall down on its side.
All these actions could cause fear or even stress.
Holding down, blocking, or pinning:
A teacher might try to put their hands on you and block you from going anywhere in an attempt to make you stay in your seat.
Use of weapons:
A teacher may threaten you with a weapon or even try to use it in order to hurt you.
Weapons include: pencils, rulers, books, and more obvious weapons such as knives, guns, and sticks.
Any other form of physical contact that wounds, injures, or hurts you in any way.
You might be hit, choked, or even kicked by the teacher. , Sexual abuse may involve exposing you to sexual content, making sensual comments, or touching you in areas that they shouldn't.
A teacher should never try to engage you in any form of sexual conduct.
This can range from obscene e-mails or phone calls, exposure to pornography or nudity, sexual exploitation, flirting or sexual language, or even voyeurism.
Teachers should not comment on the size or shape of your body.
A teacher should not pinch, poke, rub, grab, or in any way touch you in areas that would be covered by a bathing suit. , You can have an authority figure, like a parent or school principal, sit in during the meeting.
Use the format "When you _____, I felt _____." If the teacher is non-abusive, then upsetting you was an accident, and they will apologize and stop doing it because they care about your feelings.
If the teacher is abusive, you explaining your feelings will not stop them.An abusive teacher will try to explain away your feelings, maybe calling you too sensitive, and have excuses for still doing the thing that hurts you.
Or they'll pretend to be nice, then continue abusing you the next day or week.
Here are some examples: "When you joked about my test grade, I felt hurt and upset.
Please don't talk about my grades in front of other people." "When you pointed out my fidgeting to the whole class, I felt embarrassed and singled out.
Because of my disability, I need to fidget in order to focus." When you clapped your hands loudly in front of my face, I felt really startled.
Loud noises are jarring and upsetting to me." You don't need to do this alone.
Try asking a friend, parent, or guidance counselor to come with you and listen, for moral support and/or your safety.
About the Author
Mark Sanders
Specializes in breaking down complex hobbies topics into simple steps.
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