How to Fake a Convincing French Accent

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: The "r" sound.

   The first and most important part of a fake French accent is the "r." When you say, for instance, "Rat," you would push your tongue to the back of your throat as if pronouncing a "gee" sound.
   
   Your "r" will turn out to be a rolled/groaned "rgr".
   
   It is important to relax the soft part of the back of your mouth as well as the tip of your tongue a bit.
   
   When you try to force air between your tongue and the back of your palate, expect to hear the sickly sound of loose flesh flapping away.
   
   Another way to create an authentic French "r" sound is to replace the "r" with an English "h" sound, but try to really rough it up, almost gargling as you make the "h" sound.
   
   In Quebec, the 'r' sound that has been aforementioned,is pronounced like 'ear'.
   
   So if this sentence
   - 'where is the park?'
   
   it would be pronounced as 'whis the pak (or perk)?' In words where the "r" is hard to pronounce, it may sound non-rhotic altogether.
   
   For example, "carpenter" can sound like "cahpentergr".
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   Step 2: Sustained "e"s. Next

   Example: "recorder" can sound completely transformed as "rgreh-caw-der". , For example, "fish" will sound more like "feesh"
   
   but do not make it any longer than you would "fish". , In French, each syllable has about equal stress (DA-DA-DA-DUM), as opposed to English which tends to be iambic (stress comes second, Da-DUM-da-DUM).
   
   So it's good to think a little trochaic to counteract the English tendency (stress comes first, DUM-da-DUM-dum).
   
   So instead of "po-' de-'-ment"
   
   think "'-leece '-part-'". , The "th"s in words are spoken as a "z." And if you want to be really accurate, shoot for a "dz" sound, like "dzees" for "this". , In French, always stress the last syllable of a sentence or before you pause with a rising pitch as if asking a question. (E.g. "I am from New York(?).") , Be sure to throw in lots of gratuitous "euh"s. "Euh" in French is the equivalent of "Ummm" or "Ah..." in English, a place-holder sound people make when they are thinking about what they are going to say next.
   
   It is pronounced more or less as it is written here.
   
   Hold on to you your "euuhhhhhh" as long as you can and try to start every sentence with at least one good "euuhhhhhhhhhh". (Never ever say "Ummm" or "Ah..." when speaking or faking French!) To better pronounce "euh"
   
   start off with an "eh" sound (like in "bed") and slowly slide your way towards the "oh" sound (like in "so") BUT do not ever get there! You must end on a sound about halfway between, but make no hint at the "oh" sound. , Instead of how it's 'ow and hospital is 'ospital. , The more you work on it, the better your accent gets!
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   Step 3: when you say your "e"s

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   Step 4: you will make it as long as possible.

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   Step 5: Morphed "i"s. When you say a short "i" sound

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   Step 6: you turn it into something more like an "ee".

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   Step 7: Equal stressing.

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   Step 8: "Th" to "dz".

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   Step 9: Stressing the last syllable.

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    Step 10: Your "H's" should be silent.

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    Step 11: practice practice practice!

Detailed Guide

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