How to Learn to Shut People Out

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Remain polite at all times.

   Even if you want to completely shut out someone from your life, it’s important to always be polite.
   
   This can leave the door open if you want to rekindle your relationship with the person in the future.
   
   It can also keep the situation getting worse and involving other people.Extend civility in any situation, especially when others are around.
   
   You don’t want to leave a bad impression of yourself because of your personal issues.
   
   For example, if a person whom you want to shut out asks how you are, say, “I’m fine, thank you” in a neutral tone.
   
   This brief answer lets the person know you don’t want any further contact without ignoring the person or saying something impolite.
2. 2

   Step 2: Remove yourself from potential contact.

   You may be in a situation, such as work or school, which requires you to see the individual or group regularly.
   
   Finding ways to avoid potential contact can help you more effectively shut out a person or people.Take note of people’s schedules.
   
   This can help you avoid any type of contact with them, including small talk or arguments.
   
   For example, if you know a person you want to shut out goes for happy hour at the same place every week, choose a new location to meet with your friends and colleagues.
   
   Recognize that it may take a while for people to get the message that you’re avoiding them at all costs. , If you have to interact with someone and can’t avoid it, limit your exposure as much as possible.
   
   Respond to questions, messages, phone calls, or other types of contact only when necessary.
   
   This sets boundaries and can decrease any stress you may feel.
   
   It also helps send the message you don’t want contact with the person.Keep responses as brief and polite as possible.
   
   For example, if someone emails you a long note, you can choose to acknowledge it or not.
   
   Keep your response to the bare minimum necessary.
   
   You can write, “Thank you for the information, John.
   
   I’ll have a look at it and get back to you.” Keep your comments to people brief and polite as well.
   
   A simple statement such as, “Thank you for your help, I appreciate it,” followed by you returning to what you were doing sends a clear signal that you don’t want any contact.
   
   When you engage with someone, leave no room for further conversation.
   
   For example, you can say, "Thank you for your assistance.
   
   Have a nice day."
   
   You may be trying to shut out one specific person.
   
   You may have mutual friends, family members, or colleagues with this person.
   
   If this is the case, you may need to establish boundaries or distance with these people as well.
   
   This can help you more effectively shut out the desired person.Recognize that distancing yourself from people to cut out an individual or group may result in you being cut out of relationships.
   
   You can politely decline invitations from people you like by saying something like, “Thanks for the offer Caroline, but I’ve already got plans this evening.
   
   Please give everyone my best.” See people on an individual basis to avoid potentially uncomfortably situations.
   
   Say, “I’d love to go out, Caroline, but I’m struggling in groups.
   
   Can we get together for dinner next week? Maybe just the two of us?” Meet acquaintances one-on-one so that you can maintain a relationship without including the person you want to shut out.
   
   Take creating distance as an opportunity to try new activities and meet new people if you want. , Despite your best efforts, you may not get the message across that you want no contact.
   
   Letting the person or group know your wishes in a polite manner can shut them out of your life entirely.Remain as kind and honest as possible, but don't make excuses.
   
   Be direct.
   
   For example, say, “I don't feel as though we have much in common any more.
   
   I would feel better ending our friendship.
   
   I wish you nothing but the best.” With colleagues, you can say, “Alan, I think it’s best we speak only when absolutely necessary.
   
   I wish you the best.”Tell the individual or group in person if possible.
   
   Send a polite, handwritten note or email if this is easier for you.
   
   Doing so can give you confidence about your decision while showing respect to the other parties.Focus your comments on yourself.
   
   Say, “I really need to concentrate on myself right now.
   
   I think that it’s the best for us to not have any contact.” This not only shuts the person out of your life, but can keep the individual from feeling badly.
3. 3

   Step 3: Limit your contact.

4. 4

   Step 4: Create distance among acquaintances.

5. 5

   Step 5: Inform the person(s) of your wishes.

Detailed Guide

About the Author