How to Ask Parents or In‐Laws to Call Before Visiting
Respect your spouse’s relationship with their parents., Avoid making your spouse choose between you and their parents., Talk to your spouse about setting boundaries., Agree to explain and enforce your visiting rules together.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Respect your spouse’s relationship with their parents.
It is important to acknowledge and respect the relationship that your spouse has with their parents.
Regardless of whether or not you enjoy the company of your In-laws, you need to understand and respect their significance for your spouse.
You should communicate your respect to your spouse:“I really admire the relationship that you have with your father.
You seem to share so many things.
You’re lucky to have a parent like that in your life.” -
Step 2: Avoid making your spouse choose between you and their parents.
Although the situation of your in-laws dropping by unannounced is extremely frustrating, you are unlikely to resolve it by giving your spouse a choice between you and their parents.
Instead, you should work with your spouse to find a way to increase your privacy and the quality time that you have together.For example, avoid giving ultimatums like the following: “It’s up to you.
Go live with your parents or stop giving in to their every demand and become committed to our relationship.” Instead, try saying: “We really need to find a way to resolve this situation.
What are some things we could do to stop your parents from coming by unannounced?” , Discuss the need to establish better boundaries with your parents or in laws.
You may want to discuss the kinds of values that you grew up with and the kinds of values that you want to have as a couple or a family.
In addition, you may want to chat about your respective expectations for time together, away from friends and family.
If there are barriers to spending time together such as parents or in-laws who drop by unannounced, talk about how to overcome these barriers., You need to come to an actual agreement with your spouse, so that you are on the same page in consistently explaining and enforcing visiting rules.
Decide how you will explain the rules and situations where you need to enforce the rules.
For example, decide how you will explain the reason to your parents or in laws.
You could decide to both explain the reason for wanting notice of upcoming visits in terms of privacy or working on your marriage or other justifications.
Whatever reason you choose, you should make sure you are consistent in your explanations. -
Step 3: Talk to your spouse about setting boundaries.
-
Step 4: Agree to explain and enforce your visiting rules together.
Detailed Guide
It is important to acknowledge and respect the relationship that your spouse has with their parents.
Regardless of whether or not you enjoy the company of your In-laws, you need to understand and respect their significance for your spouse.
You should communicate your respect to your spouse:“I really admire the relationship that you have with your father.
You seem to share so many things.
You’re lucky to have a parent like that in your life.”
Although the situation of your in-laws dropping by unannounced is extremely frustrating, you are unlikely to resolve it by giving your spouse a choice between you and their parents.
Instead, you should work with your spouse to find a way to increase your privacy and the quality time that you have together.For example, avoid giving ultimatums like the following: “It’s up to you.
Go live with your parents or stop giving in to their every demand and become committed to our relationship.” Instead, try saying: “We really need to find a way to resolve this situation.
What are some things we could do to stop your parents from coming by unannounced?” , Discuss the need to establish better boundaries with your parents or in laws.
You may want to discuss the kinds of values that you grew up with and the kinds of values that you want to have as a couple or a family.
In addition, you may want to chat about your respective expectations for time together, away from friends and family.
If there are barriers to spending time together such as parents or in-laws who drop by unannounced, talk about how to overcome these barriers., You need to come to an actual agreement with your spouse, so that you are on the same page in consistently explaining and enforcing visiting rules.
Decide how you will explain the rules and situations where you need to enforce the rules.
For example, decide how you will explain the reason to your parents or in laws.
You could decide to both explain the reason for wanting notice of upcoming visits in terms of privacy or working on your marriage or other justifications.
Whatever reason you choose, you should make sure you are consistent in your explanations.
About the Author
Diana Wright
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in creative arts and beyond.
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