How to Be a Good Step Parent
Get to know the children before you take your vows., Understand that the children are a permanent part of your life., Don’t expect instant love., Demand respect., Be kind and consistent., Accept your stepchildren for who they are., Work with your...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Get to know the children before you take your vows.
Becoming a step family can be a difficult transition for everyone, but it helps a great deal if potential stepparents have the opportunity to form affectionate connections with their partner’s children before they unite as a family. -
Step 2: Understand that the children are a permanent part of your life.
Children, and the complications that come along with them, are never a “sometimes” proposition.
No matter where the children call home, parents and stepparents must be prepared to make many of their life choices based on the needs of the children. , Caring relationships take time to develop, so good stepparents allow their stepchildren plenty of time to adjust to their presence in their family. , While stepchildren should not be forced to feign love for a stepparent, they should be expected to behave in a respectful manner. , One of the most important rules of being a parent is to practice kindness and consistency.
Good parents (and stepparents, too) understand the value of providing kids with a solid home base. , Parents do not get to choose the type of children that they get – so good stepparents learn to accept and appreciate their stepchildren for the exceptional individuals that they are and to celebrate each child’s unique gifts. , House rules can be difficult for children to accept, but when they are presented by both the children’s parent and stepparent, kids realize that they will be required to comply. , A parent should always be allotted time to spend with their children, without it causing difficulty in their marriage.
Confident stepparents realize that their spouse’s love for their children in no way diminishes their relationship. , In many cases, stepchildren have already had to endure the painful break-up of their parents’ relationship.
They do not need to relive that pain by witnessing the demise of their parent and stepparent’s marriage. , This rule applies just as equally to natural children. , Kids should not be subjected to disagreements between their parents and should be shielded as much as possible from adult problems. , Learning to choose battles wisely and to avoid petty arguments is a sure sign of a good stepparent. , Childish or selfish behaviour has no place in parenting. , Children need to live by a reasonable set of rules, so good stepparents find the strength to take a firm stand when the welfare of the children is at stake. , Natural children and stepchildren should be expected to adhere to the same set of house rules and must be afforded the same privileges. , Treating the children’s other natural parent disrespectfully is hurtful to the kids and is never okay. , Kids have more family than only those who live in their household, so concessions must be made to see that the children have access to their other family members. , While kids should not be allowed to treat other family members unkindly, they should be allowed and encouraged to express their emotions, knowing that their feelings will be taken seriously. , Being a good stepparent (or parent) often requires a great deal of patience.
Kids, though wonderful, can be trying at times and smart stepparents know when to take a step back and a few deep breaths. , The most important of all of the rules – this one is a gentle reminder about what is truly important in any family, and that is love.
The most precious bonds are not those of matching strands of DNA, but of a life shared. -
Step 3: Don’t expect instant love.
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Step 4: Demand respect.
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Step 5: Be kind and consistent.
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Step 6: Accept your stepchildren for who they are.
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Step 7: Work with your spouse as a team.
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Step 8: Don’t compete with the children for your spouse’s love/time.
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Step 9: Nurture your marriage.
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Step 10: Never criticize your spouse in front of the children.
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Step 11: Don’t discuss custody or child support in front of the children.
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Step 12: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
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Step 13: Be a grown-up.
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Step 14: Don’t be afraid to say no.
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Step 15: Treat all of the children equally.
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Step 16: Treat your spouse’s ex with respect.
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Step 17: Get used to sharing holidays and other special days.
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Step 18: Create a safe environment that allows the honest sharing of feelings.
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Step 19: Exercise patience.
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Step 20: Remember that biology isn’t the most important part about being a parent.
Detailed Guide
Becoming a step family can be a difficult transition for everyone, but it helps a great deal if potential stepparents have the opportunity to form affectionate connections with their partner’s children before they unite as a family.
Children, and the complications that come along with them, are never a “sometimes” proposition.
No matter where the children call home, parents and stepparents must be prepared to make many of their life choices based on the needs of the children. , Caring relationships take time to develop, so good stepparents allow their stepchildren plenty of time to adjust to their presence in their family. , While stepchildren should not be forced to feign love for a stepparent, they should be expected to behave in a respectful manner. , One of the most important rules of being a parent is to practice kindness and consistency.
Good parents (and stepparents, too) understand the value of providing kids with a solid home base. , Parents do not get to choose the type of children that they get – so good stepparents learn to accept and appreciate their stepchildren for the exceptional individuals that they are and to celebrate each child’s unique gifts. , House rules can be difficult for children to accept, but when they are presented by both the children’s parent and stepparent, kids realize that they will be required to comply. , A parent should always be allotted time to spend with their children, without it causing difficulty in their marriage.
Confident stepparents realize that their spouse’s love for their children in no way diminishes their relationship. , In many cases, stepchildren have already had to endure the painful break-up of their parents’ relationship.
They do not need to relive that pain by witnessing the demise of their parent and stepparent’s marriage. , This rule applies just as equally to natural children. , Kids should not be subjected to disagreements between their parents and should be shielded as much as possible from adult problems. , Learning to choose battles wisely and to avoid petty arguments is a sure sign of a good stepparent. , Childish or selfish behaviour has no place in parenting. , Children need to live by a reasonable set of rules, so good stepparents find the strength to take a firm stand when the welfare of the children is at stake. , Natural children and stepchildren should be expected to adhere to the same set of house rules and must be afforded the same privileges. , Treating the children’s other natural parent disrespectfully is hurtful to the kids and is never okay. , Kids have more family than only those who live in their household, so concessions must be made to see that the children have access to their other family members. , While kids should not be allowed to treat other family members unkindly, they should be allowed and encouraged to express their emotions, knowing that their feelings will be taken seriously. , Being a good stepparent (or parent) often requires a great deal of patience.
Kids, though wonderful, can be trying at times and smart stepparents know when to take a step back and a few deep breaths. , The most important of all of the rules – this one is a gentle reminder about what is truly important in any family, and that is love.
The most precious bonds are not those of matching strands of DNA, but of a life shared.
About the Author
Amber West
A passionate writer with expertise in crafts topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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