How to Be Friends with Someone Who Has Kids when You Don't
Include your friend’s kids in outings with your friend., Be willing to talk about kids., Talk about other things., Schedule adult time., Be flexible and understanding., Don't criticize your friend's parenting., Be positive about your decision not to...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Include your friend’s kids in outings with your friend.
It can sometimes be difficult for people with kids to find someone to watch their kids.
If this often happens with your friend, then you might suggest meeting up somewhere that is child-friendly.
For example, you could suggest meeting up at a local park.
The kids can play while you and your friend can catch up.
Or, find a kid-friendly event, such as a concert or festival, and ask your friend if they would like to come with you and bring along the kids.
Even picking a restaurant that has activities for kids can be helpful.
For example, you could arrange to meet your friend at a restaurant that has a playground or that provides coloring books and crayons for kids. -
Step 2: Be willing to talk about kids.
From the outset, it will be important for you to understand that for most parents, parenting will be their primary non-work activity.
So, it is only natural that your friend will want to talk to you about their children.This may not always be interesting to you, especially if you don't particularly like kids.
The details of finding a daycare or the cute thing the kids did last week may not be too exciting.
If this person is a good friend though, you'll need to try to take an interest.
Even if you don't find children interesting, hopefully you care enough about your friend to take an interest in his or her life, with all its new challenges and experiences. , While it is understandable that your friend will want to talk about his or her children, don't allow this to dominate every conversation.
Talk about other interests and happenings in both your lives.Focusing entirely on the kids doesn't allow you to share much in the conversation.
Discuss other topics you can talk more about and that are important to you.
Parents can become so focused on their kids that they forget to talk about other topics, but the do have other interests as well, even if they don't have as much time to purse them as they did before having children.
Give your friend an opportunity to talk about other topics.
Many parents will be grateful for an opportunity to have a conversation with another adult that doesn't revolve around their kids.There's no need to tell your friend you want to talk about something else.
Just look for a natural place to bring up a different topic.
If your friend likes baseball, for example, and has just told you about his or her son's recent soccer game, you could say, "speaking of sports, have had any time to follow the Cardinals this season? They're really doing well!"
Find time to hang out with your friend without the kids present, doing grownup things.
Invite your friend out of for a drink or a grownup movie, or to some other activity you both enjoy.Recognize that you may need to schedule kid-free time weeks or even months in advance, and that it will probably be limited.
Even so, to have a healthy friendship, you'll need to find some time together when you can have real conversations and do things you both enjoy Even if you don't think he or she will be able to attend, continue inviting your friend to adult social functions.
It will help him or her keep in touch with who they are outside of parenting., Children often make it difficult to connect with other people.
They get sick, or babysitters don't show up, leading to canceled plans.
Kids need naps at specific times, making it harder to make plans in the first place.
Be understanding of these difficulties, and do your best to be accommodating.Try not to be hurt or offended if you friend isn't available for social functions he or she used to participate in, or if your friend has to cancel plans abruptly.
Find out when your friend's children take naps.
These can be good times to give them a call on the phone to catch up. , As a rule of thumb, unless your friend asks for your opinion on a parenting situation, offering criticism isn't a good idea.
Your friend is under enough stress as it is, and there's a good chance you don't fully understand the situation anyway.Many parents will be offended when people criticize their parenting decisions.
Unless you see something happening that creates a genuine danger for the child, you're probably best to keep any criticisms to yourself. , Although their intentions may be good, many parents say things to their childless friends that make them feel guilty about not having kids (yet) themselves.
Remember that you have to make the choice that is best for yourself.
You get to decide when you are ready to have kids, or if you want to at all.Comments like "you'll change your mind someday" or "you don't know what real love is until you have children" can be hurtful and insulting.
If your friend says things like this often, it is ok to tell him or her that it bothers you.
No one gets to tell you when (or if) it's the right time for you to have kids.
By waiting until you are ready (or not having kids at all, if you don't want them), you are making a responsible, adult decision, whatever anyone else might say. -
Step 3: Talk about other things.
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Step 4: Schedule adult time.
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Step 5: Be flexible and understanding.
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Step 6: Don't criticize your friend's parenting.
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Step 7: Be positive about your decision not to have kids.
Detailed Guide
It can sometimes be difficult for people with kids to find someone to watch their kids.
If this often happens with your friend, then you might suggest meeting up somewhere that is child-friendly.
For example, you could suggest meeting up at a local park.
The kids can play while you and your friend can catch up.
Or, find a kid-friendly event, such as a concert or festival, and ask your friend if they would like to come with you and bring along the kids.
Even picking a restaurant that has activities for kids can be helpful.
For example, you could arrange to meet your friend at a restaurant that has a playground or that provides coloring books and crayons for kids.
From the outset, it will be important for you to understand that for most parents, parenting will be their primary non-work activity.
So, it is only natural that your friend will want to talk to you about their children.This may not always be interesting to you, especially if you don't particularly like kids.
The details of finding a daycare or the cute thing the kids did last week may not be too exciting.
If this person is a good friend though, you'll need to try to take an interest.
Even if you don't find children interesting, hopefully you care enough about your friend to take an interest in his or her life, with all its new challenges and experiences. , While it is understandable that your friend will want to talk about his or her children, don't allow this to dominate every conversation.
Talk about other interests and happenings in both your lives.Focusing entirely on the kids doesn't allow you to share much in the conversation.
Discuss other topics you can talk more about and that are important to you.
Parents can become so focused on their kids that they forget to talk about other topics, but the do have other interests as well, even if they don't have as much time to purse them as they did before having children.
Give your friend an opportunity to talk about other topics.
Many parents will be grateful for an opportunity to have a conversation with another adult that doesn't revolve around their kids.There's no need to tell your friend you want to talk about something else.
Just look for a natural place to bring up a different topic.
If your friend likes baseball, for example, and has just told you about his or her son's recent soccer game, you could say, "speaking of sports, have had any time to follow the Cardinals this season? They're really doing well!"
Find time to hang out with your friend without the kids present, doing grownup things.
Invite your friend out of for a drink or a grownup movie, or to some other activity you both enjoy.Recognize that you may need to schedule kid-free time weeks or even months in advance, and that it will probably be limited.
Even so, to have a healthy friendship, you'll need to find some time together when you can have real conversations and do things you both enjoy Even if you don't think he or she will be able to attend, continue inviting your friend to adult social functions.
It will help him or her keep in touch with who they are outside of parenting., Children often make it difficult to connect with other people.
They get sick, or babysitters don't show up, leading to canceled plans.
Kids need naps at specific times, making it harder to make plans in the first place.
Be understanding of these difficulties, and do your best to be accommodating.Try not to be hurt or offended if you friend isn't available for social functions he or she used to participate in, or if your friend has to cancel plans abruptly.
Find out when your friend's children take naps.
These can be good times to give them a call on the phone to catch up. , As a rule of thumb, unless your friend asks for your opinion on a parenting situation, offering criticism isn't a good idea.
Your friend is under enough stress as it is, and there's a good chance you don't fully understand the situation anyway.Many parents will be offended when people criticize their parenting decisions.
Unless you see something happening that creates a genuine danger for the child, you're probably best to keep any criticisms to yourself. , Although their intentions may be good, many parents say things to their childless friends that make them feel guilty about not having kids (yet) themselves.
Remember that you have to make the choice that is best for yourself.
You get to decide when you are ready to have kids, or if you want to at all.Comments like "you'll change your mind someday" or "you don't know what real love is until you have children" can be hurtful and insulting.
If your friend says things like this often, it is ok to tell him or her that it bothers you.
No one gets to tell you when (or if) it's the right time for you to have kids.
By waiting until you are ready (or not having kids at all, if you don't want them), you are making a responsible, adult decision, whatever anyone else might say.
About the Author
Christina Powell
A passionate writer with expertise in pet care topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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