How to Be Independent when Living in Parent's House
Remember that independent people pay their own way., Respect the home., Respect your parent's privacy., Adopt a balanced approach., Agree on a signal system between you and your parents to offer whenever you feel the need for extra privacy, or...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Remember that independent people pay their own way.
While living in your parent's home you may feel inclined, or even encouraged, to neglect your financial responsibilities; resist the temptation.
Create a plan and a budget, discuss what payment your parents will need from you (zero is not acceptable) and begin contributing to the household immediately and consistently. -
Step 2: Respect the home.
While living in your parent's home, ensure that you, and anyone you invite into the home, abide by the rules of the house.
If you or a friend cause damage, fix it immediately at your own expense and apologize. , Much ado is made over an adult child losing their sense of privacy when they move back in with their parents.
Your focus should be on making the smallest dent possible in your parent's privacy.
Follow their lead, if in doubt.
For example:
If their bedroom door is kept closed, keep yours closed as well.
By your presence, no matter how welcome, your parents will be losing precious, quiet moments they once had to themselves, or to share with one another.
Make a concerted effort to preserve their quiet, undisturbed moments. , Do for your parents what they no longer wish to, or can, do for themselves.
For example:
Become the housekeeper in the home. (That's housekeeper, not martyr.) Taking care of the household for your parents (with the exception of making the big decisions) will give you a sense of responsibility and usefulness, and keep you in practice for when you're out on your own again. , A simple, pre-determined, wave of the hand from you or one of them can prevent unnecessary questions when one of you unexpectedly encounters the need for a moment of breathing room. , While in your parent's home, take advantage of the opportunity to impress them with all that you've learned while out on your own.
Take on projects to improve their home in ways you, or they, have only dreamed of.
Put all your skills to good use and make them glad they reopened their home to you. , Your parents have already made the traditional sacrifices of privacy, dream chasing, and time while raising you, make sure you are providing for your children's needs.
Provide limits and boundaries for your children to follow while in your parent's home and protect your parent's status as grandparents; free to enjoy special time with their grandchildren, but not charged with partial responsibility for them. , It is vital that you maintain and continue building your strength in decision making while living with your parents.
Do not carry all of your burdens to the kitchen table seeking advice; be selective.
For example:
If you've left your spouse and brought the kids home to live with you, any decisions you might have to make regarding the school the children will attend should be decided upon by you and your spouse. , Take walks around the neighborhood, go to a park, or visit the library every day.
Spending time alone will prevent you from clouding your thoughts about your future with the thoughts and/or hopes of your parents.
They've allowed you to stay in their home for a time; you must, therefore, take advantage of that time by using it to create a more stable independent future for yourself. , Pick a date to leave the house, even if selected arbitrarily.
Let your parent's know when you intend to leave.
Don't disappoint yourself or them by missing the date. , Do something special for your parents at every opportunity and thank them for going out of their way to accommodate your needs.
Make them dinner, buy a bottle of wine for them to share, or get them a gift certificate to go out to dinner or to a movie together. , Regardless of the circumstances that caused you to need to move in with your parents, maintain a respectful and appreciative attitude while in their home.
Defer to them in any conflict that arise like you would if a stranger invited you into their home. , Make sure that you are doing each of these things every day to prevent you from developing dependent habits that can distract from your efforts to get back out on your own quickly. -
Step 3: Respect your parent's privacy.
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Step 4: Adopt a balanced approach.
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Step 5: Agree on a signal system between you and your parents to offer whenever you feel the need for extra privacy
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Step 6: or space.
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Step 7: Use the opportunity.
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Step 8: Provide adequate care for your children if you are bringing them home with you.
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Step 9: Think things through
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Step 10: then make your own decisions.
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Step 11: Spend time alone.
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Step 12: Set a firm date to move out of your parent's home and stick to it.
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Step 13: Treat your parents.
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Step 14: Maintain an attitude of appreciation.
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Step 15: Remember that being independent means taking care of your own basic needs
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Step 16: paying your own way
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Step 17: and contributing to society.
Detailed Guide
While living in your parent's home you may feel inclined, or even encouraged, to neglect your financial responsibilities; resist the temptation.
Create a plan and a budget, discuss what payment your parents will need from you (zero is not acceptable) and begin contributing to the household immediately and consistently.
While living in your parent's home, ensure that you, and anyone you invite into the home, abide by the rules of the house.
If you or a friend cause damage, fix it immediately at your own expense and apologize. , Much ado is made over an adult child losing their sense of privacy when they move back in with their parents.
Your focus should be on making the smallest dent possible in your parent's privacy.
Follow their lead, if in doubt.
For example:
If their bedroom door is kept closed, keep yours closed as well.
By your presence, no matter how welcome, your parents will be losing precious, quiet moments they once had to themselves, or to share with one another.
Make a concerted effort to preserve their quiet, undisturbed moments. , Do for your parents what they no longer wish to, or can, do for themselves.
For example:
Become the housekeeper in the home. (That's housekeeper, not martyr.) Taking care of the household for your parents (with the exception of making the big decisions) will give you a sense of responsibility and usefulness, and keep you in practice for when you're out on your own again. , A simple, pre-determined, wave of the hand from you or one of them can prevent unnecessary questions when one of you unexpectedly encounters the need for a moment of breathing room. , While in your parent's home, take advantage of the opportunity to impress them with all that you've learned while out on your own.
Take on projects to improve their home in ways you, or they, have only dreamed of.
Put all your skills to good use and make them glad they reopened their home to you. , Your parents have already made the traditional sacrifices of privacy, dream chasing, and time while raising you, make sure you are providing for your children's needs.
Provide limits and boundaries for your children to follow while in your parent's home and protect your parent's status as grandparents; free to enjoy special time with their grandchildren, but not charged with partial responsibility for them. , It is vital that you maintain and continue building your strength in decision making while living with your parents.
Do not carry all of your burdens to the kitchen table seeking advice; be selective.
For example:
If you've left your spouse and brought the kids home to live with you, any decisions you might have to make regarding the school the children will attend should be decided upon by you and your spouse. , Take walks around the neighborhood, go to a park, or visit the library every day.
Spending time alone will prevent you from clouding your thoughts about your future with the thoughts and/or hopes of your parents.
They've allowed you to stay in their home for a time; you must, therefore, take advantage of that time by using it to create a more stable independent future for yourself. , Pick a date to leave the house, even if selected arbitrarily.
Let your parent's know when you intend to leave.
Don't disappoint yourself or them by missing the date. , Do something special for your parents at every opportunity and thank them for going out of their way to accommodate your needs.
Make them dinner, buy a bottle of wine for them to share, or get them a gift certificate to go out to dinner or to a movie together. , Regardless of the circumstances that caused you to need to move in with your parents, maintain a respectful and appreciative attitude while in their home.
Defer to them in any conflict that arise like you would if a stranger invited you into their home. , Make sure that you are doing each of these things every day to prevent you from developing dependent habits that can distract from your efforts to get back out on your own quickly.
About the Author
Alexander Palmer
A passionate writer with expertise in organization topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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