How to Change Your Child's Attitude
Look at your own behavior., Understand your child's developmental stage., Know your child's strengths (and weaknesses)., Reflect upon your hopes for your child., Focus on one thing at a time., Remember that goals are about progress., Be consistent.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Look at your own behavior.
You are your child's first and most influential teacher.
If your own attitude toward life is negative, your child's will be, too.
How do you respond in a frustrating situation? How do you treat friends, loved ones, or service workers? What is your reaction if you feel a situation is unfair? Your child absorbs
-- and mirrors
-- the behaviors you teach him or her., Attitude problems signify the challenges your child is facing as he or she grapples with the unique dimensions of each stage along the journey from infancy to adulthood.
Toddlers and young children displaying attitude problems are likely testing your reactions to learn the boundaries of proper behavior.
Ensure you are an attentive parent when your child is fully engaged in positive play; she'll learn that she needn't provoke your anger to get attention.
Children in their early elementary years are old enough to learn from consequences.
Elementary school-aged children are also increasingly influenced by the behavior of friends and playmates.
Start setting rules about appropriate behavior around adults.As children reach their "tween" and teen years they are starting to "individuate," or develop their own, unique identity.
Your role is to help them through this often-bewildering stage with clear expectations, respect (which they need to reciprocate), and plenty of personal attention., Consider how your child learns best.
Some kids, for example, respond well to auditory instruction, while others are very visual and may need written expectations or physical demonstrations of the behavior you wish to encourage.
Understand what your child is and is not capable of achieving.
A child struggling with ADHD, for example, may be "ignoring" you not because she has a poor attitude but because she struggles to process the waves of information she is receiving from the world around her.
Children presented with unrealistic expectations can sometimes react by giving up entirely rather than continuing to grapple with what is, for them, an impossible task.
Recognize your child's unique "starting point" and then work from there to set behavior expectations., Look down the road and think about the attributes you'd like your child to possess.
Would you like him to be kind? Prioritize teaching kindness.
Would you like her to be responsible? Teach responsibility.
If you would like your child to spend time with you during adolescence and young adulthood, spend time with your child while he or she is young., Pick one behavior to focus upon, and be specific about your parameters.
Rather than setting a vague goal such as "I want my child to listen to me," for example, opt for something concrete: "I want my child to complete his or her homework daily." Once you and your child have made substantial progress toward that goal, you can move onto the next step: "I want our conversations about homework to be an attitude-free zone," or "I want to develop a practice of having a kind 5-minute conversation about school with my child daily."
Improvement counts! None of us is capable of perfection.
Focus on your child's progress toward meeting your behavior expectations.
Avoid becoming discouraged if your child has a bad day; remember that each morning is a new beginning., Say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow through on any stated consequences.Ensure everyone in your household is on the same page.
You and your spouse should share the same expectations and follow through with the same consequences. -
Step 2: Understand your child's developmental stage.
-
Step 3: Know your child's strengths (and weaknesses).
-
Step 4: Reflect upon your hopes for your child.
-
Step 5: Focus on one thing at a time.
-
Step 6: Remember that goals are about progress.
-
Step 7: Be consistent.
Detailed Guide
You are your child's first and most influential teacher.
If your own attitude toward life is negative, your child's will be, too.
How do you respond in a frustrating situation? How do you treat friends, loved ones, or service workers? What is your reaction if you feel a situation is unfair? Your child absorbs
-- and mirrors
-- the behaviors you teach him or her., Attitude problems signify the challenges your child is facing as he or she grapples with the unique dimensions of each stage along the journey from infancy to adulthood.
Toddlers and young children displaying attitude problems are likely testing your reactions to learn the boundaries of proper behavior.
Ensure you are an attentive parent when your child is fully engaged in positive play; she'll learn that she needn't provoke your anger to get attention.
Children in their early elementary years are old enough to learn from consequences.
Elementary school-aged children are also increasingly influenced by the behavior of friends and playmates.
Start setting rules about appropriate behavior around adults.As children reach their "tween" and teen years they are starting to "individuate," or develop their own, unique identity.
Your role is to help them through this often-bewildering stage with clear expectations, respect (which they need to reciprocate), and plenty of personal attention., Consider how your child learns best.
Some kids, for example, respond well to auditory instruction, while others are very visual and may need written expectations or physical demonstrations of the behavior you wish to encourage.
Understand what your child is and is not capable of achieving.
A child struggling with ADHD, for example, may be "ignoring" you not because she has a poor attitude but because she struggles to process the waves of information she is receiving from the world around her.
Children presented with unrealistic expectations can sometimes react by giving up entirely rather than continuing to grapple with what is, for them, an impossible task.
Recognize your child's unique "starting point" and then work from there to set behavior expectations., Look down the road and think about the attributes you'd like your child to possess.
Would you like him to be kind? Prioritize teaching kindness.
Would you like her to be responsible? Teach responsibility.
If you would like your child to spend time with you during adolescence and young adulthood, spend time with your child while he or she is young., Pick one behavior to focus upon, and be specific about your parameters.
Rather than setting a vague goal such as "I want my child to listen to me," for example, opt for something concrete: "I want my child to complete his or her homework daily." Once you and your child have made substantial progress toward that goal, you can move onto the next step: "I want our conversations about homework to be an attitude-free zone," or "I want to develop a practice of having a kind 5-minute conversation about school with my child daily."
Improvement counts! None of us is capable of perfection.
Focus on your child's progress toward meeting your behavior expectations.
Avoid becoming discouraged if your child has a bad day; remember that each morning is a new beginning., Say what you mean, mean what you say, and follow through on any stated consequences.Ensure everyone in your household is on the same page.
You and your spouse should share the same expectations and follow through with the same consequences.
About the Author
Sarah Patel
Committed to making practical skills accessible and understandable for everyone.
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