How to Compliment Your Kids
Be specific., Focus on effort, not outcome., Remark on good strategy., Nix the comparison praise.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Be specific.
Generalities don’t make for great compliments.
Show your child that you’re really paying attention by offering clear and specific praise.
Instead of saying, “What a beautiful painting, Meghan!” you might say “Meghan, I really like the colors you chose for your painting.
The swirl of blue and pink is beautiful.” -
Step 2: Focus on effort
Most compliments refer to the outcome rather than what it took for the child to reach it.
But, that makes praise ineffective unless the outcome is stellar.
Praise your child no matter the outcome by speaking about their effort.
This works better because a child can’t always control the outcome, but they can control their effort.High-five your child and say something like, “You practiced hard in band today, Ben!” , Good praise is not person-oriented, but process-oriented.
In addition to praising your child’s effort, another helpful method is to speak highly about the strategy they used.For example, your daughter is struggling with reading until she changes her study habits to include drawing pictures that help her explain the story and its characters.
You might praise her by saying, “Reilly, your new way of studying seems to be really paying off! I can tell that you’re starting to like reading more now.” , A go-to type of praise is saluting a child for doing better than their peers.
While social-comparison praise may make a child more motivated, it also teaches kids to focus on competing rather than mastering a skill.
Plus, this sort of praise only works if your child continues to outperform others.For instance, you don't want to say "Jessica, you are so much smarter than your classmates" when your child wins the spelling bee.
Instead, say something like, "You won the spelling bee, Jessica! You must have worked really hard, sweetie!" -
Step 3: not outcome.
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Step 4: Remark on good strategy.
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Step 5: Nix the comparison praise.
Detailed Guide
Generalities don’t make for great compliments.
Show your child that you’re really paying attention by offering clear and specific praise.
Instead of saying, “What a beautiful painting, Meghan!” you might say “Meghan, I really like the colors you chose for your painting.
The swirl of blue and pink is beautiful.”
Most compliments refer to the outcome rather than what it took for the child to reach it.
But, that makes praise ineffective unless the outcome is stellar.
Praise your child no matter the outcome by speaking about their effort.
This works better because a child can’t always control the outcome, but they can control their effort.High-five your child and say something like, “You practiced hard in band today, Ben!” , Good praise is not person-oriented, but process-oriented.
In addition to praising your child’s effort, another helpful method is to speak highly about the strategy they used.For example, your daughter is struggling with reading until she changes her study habits to include drawing pictures that help her explain the story and its characters.
You might praise her by saying, “Reilly, your new way of studying seems to be really paying off! I can tell that you’re starting to like reading more now.” , A go-to type of praise is saluting a child for doing better than their peers.
While social-comparison praise may make a child more motivated, it also teaches kids to focus on competing rather than mastering a skill.
Plus, this sort of praise only works if your child continues to outperform others.For instance, you don't want to say "Jessica, you are so much smarter than your classmates" when your child wins the spelling bee.
Instead, say something like, "You won the spelling bee, Jessica! You must have worked really hard, sweetie!"
About the Author
Brittany Reynolds
Creates helpful guides on cooking to inspire and educate readers.
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