How to Connect to a Sibling Who Ignores You
Identify and stop the “silent treatment.” Does your brother or sister fail to respond when you ask a question or make a remark?, Schedule a talk with no distractions., Use “I” statements., Aim for a solution., Speak out against sibling bullying...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Identify and stop the “silent treatment.” Does your brother or sister fail to respond when you ask a question or make a remark?
Intimidating and punishing others with silence is a common abusive tactic.
On the surface, it may look like your sibling is ignoring you, but they are just purposely withholding attention in order to make a point or get you to do what they want.
If this is happening to you, there are two ways you can handle it.
You can call out your sibling for the silent treatment by saying “Hey, when you give me the silent treatment it destroys my positive feelings for you and makes me want to stay away.
I want us to have a supportive relationship, and do not feel supported when you do that.” You can also try addressing the cause of the silence directly: “I can tell from your silence that you are mad at me.
I want to talk about this and work through it.
Please let me know when you are ready to do that.” You can appear relaxed and positive when faced with the silent treatment.
In a gentle, friendly manner, smile or sigh when the person is punishing you with silence.
Do this with the hope that, by not getting the negative response they were hoping for, (e.g. you getting angry, begging, or conceding to their demands), the person will eventually get tired of the act and stop. -
Step 2: Schedule a talk with no distractions.
If your sibling's ignoring does not fall under the umbrella of the silent treatment, you will need to have a candid discussion with them to get to the bottom of it.
Maybe your brother simply got a new girlfriend and doesn’t have as much time for you now.You’ll only know what’s going on if you ask.
Say, “Joey, I really need to talk to you about something.
Do you have a minute?” Go to a place where you can speak undisturbed for a few minutes. , When you talk to your sibling about the ignoring, you want to take ownership for your own feelings and avoid making the person feel like you are blaming them. “I” statements are a good way to do this.
Such statements decrease the other person’s potential of getting defensive.A “you” statement may sound like “You keep ignoring me and it’s making me mad.” This won’t lead to a productive discussion.
Instead, start off with something like “I have been feeling ignored by you lately and it hurts.
We used to have such a good relationship and now we hardly ever speak.
What’s going on?” , The goal of your discussion is to figure out the underlying reason for the ignoring and, hopefully, come up with a plan to improve your relationship.
Rather than dwelling for too long on the technicalities of why you are being ignored, it will be more helpful to focus on what you are going to do about it.
Learning to solve problems together is a great way to initiate a stronger connection between you and your sibling.
Assuming you both want the relationship to improve, try to come up with possible ways you can decrease your feeling ignored and increase your feeling connected.
It may help for each of you to try and put yourself in the other’s shoes.Possible solutions may include giving your older sibling space when they get home from school to relax before initiating conversation.
Another solution may include setting aside a few minutes each day to talk about how your individual days went. , There’s a chance your sibling is in a bad place emotionally or socially, which is causing them to purposely ignore or exclude you.
If this is happening, discussing the problem with them and brainstorming the solution may not be effective.
Although it’s rarely discussed, sibling bullying is a serious problem that can lead to negative consequences for the victim.If your brother or sister is using relational aggression to make you feel bad or left out, you need to tell someone.
Go to your mom, dad, or a school counselor and explain what’s going on between you.
You might say “My sister acts like I’m invisible.
She never asks me to do things with her, and when I try to talk to her, she just ignores me.
She even tells her friends not to speak to me when they come over.
It’s been going on for a long time and it makes me feel really bad.” , As hard as it is to accept, sometimes, when an adult sibling ignores you, there may not be anything you can do to fix the situation.
Prolonged sibling rivalry, differing values and beliefs, or simply a major age difference can cause a sibling to sever ties with you.If you are trying desperately to connect with a sibling who has become estranged from you or the whole family, it may help to discuss your situation with a therapist. -
Step 3: Use “I” statements.
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Step 4: Aim for a solution.
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Step 5: Speak out against sibling bullying.
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Step 6: See a therapist for emotional issues associated with estrangement.
Detailed Guide
Intimidating and punishing others with silence is a common abusive tactic.
On the surface, it may look like your sibling is ignoring you, but they are just purposely withholding attention in order to make a point or get you to do what they want.
If this is happening to you, there are two ways you can handle it.
You can call out your sibling for the silent treatment by saying “Hey, when you give me the silent treatment it destroys my positive feelings for you and makes me want to stay away.
I want us to have a supportive relationship, and do not feel supported when you do that.” You can also try addressing the cause of the silence directly: “I can tell from your silence that you are mad at me.
I want to talk about this and work through it.
Please let me know when you are ready to do that.” You can appear relaxed and positive when faced with the silent treatment.
In a gentle, friendly manner, smile or sigh when the person is punishing you with silence.
Do this with the hope that, by not getting the negative response they were hoping for, (e.g. you getting angry, begging, or conceding to their demands), the person will eventually get tired of the act and stop.
If your sibling's ignoring does not fall under the umbrella of the silent treatment, you will need to have a candid discussion with them to get to the bottom of it.
Maybe your brother simply got a new girlfriend and doesn’t have as much time for you now.You’ll only know what’s going on if you ask.
Say, “Joey, I really need to talk to you about something.
Do you have a minute?” Go to a place where you can speak undisturbed for a few minutes. , When you talk to your sibling about the ignoring, you want to take ownership for your own feelings and avoid making the person feel like you are blaming them. “I” statements are a good way to do this.
Such statements decrease the other person’s potential of getting defensive.A “you” statement may sound like “You keep ignoring me and it’s making me mad.” This won’t lead to a productive discussion.
Instead, start off with something like “I have been feeling ignored by you lately and it hurts.
We used to have such a good relationship and now we hardly ever speak.
What’s going on?” , The goal of your discussion is to figure out the underlying reason for the ignoring and, hopefully, come up with a plan to improve your relationship.
Rather than dwelling for too long on the technicalities of why you are being ignored, it will be more helpful to focus on what you are going to do about it.
Learning to solve problems together is a great way to initiate a stronger connection between you and your sibling.
Assuming you both want the relationship to improve, try to come up with possible ways you can decrease your feeling ignored and increase your feeling connected.
It may help for each of you to try and put yourself in the other’s shoes.Possible solutions may include giving your older sibling space when they get home from school to relax before initiating conversation.
Another solution may include setting aside a few minutes each day to talk about how your individual days went. , There’s a chance your sibling is in a bad place emotionally or socially, which is causing them to purposely ignore or exclude you.
If this is happening, discussing the problem with them and brainstorming the solution may not be effective.
Although it’s rarely discussed, sibling bullying is a serious problem that can lead to negative consequences for the victim.If your brother or sister is using relational aggression to make you feel bad or left out, you need to tell someone.
Go to your mom, dad, or a school counselor and explain what’s going on between you.
You might say “My sister acts like I’m invisible.
She never asks me to do things with her, and when I try to talk to her, she just ignores me.
She even tells her friends not to speak to me when they come over.
It’s been going on for a long time and it makes me feel really bad.” , As hard as it is to accept, sometimes, when an adult sibling ignores you, there may not be anything you can do to fix the situation.
Prolonged sibling rivalry, differing values and beliefs, or simply a major age difference can cause a sibling to sever ties with you.If you are trying desperately to connect with a sibling who has become estranged from you or the whole family, it may help to discuss your situation with a therapist.
About the Author
Diana Cox
Specializes in breaking down complex home improvement topics into simple steps.
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