How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Do Anything
Find more information about what you are asking for., Make sure you have credible sources they can trust., Write a list of your argument's main points., Prepare for questions like, "Is your room clean?", Pick the right time to approach the subject...
Step-by-Step Guide
-
Step 1: Find more information about what you are asking for.
Make sure you have a good understanding of what you'll be asking your parents about so that you will have answers for their questions.
If it helps you, try writing a few bullet points to help you to remember.
Explaining these things that you have found about your topic will help your case.
Also, if you are willing and able, consider paying for a portion of the price of something you desire.
If you want them to let you have a dog, research how much maintenance the dog will require and how much it will cost to have one.
Aside from the actual logistics of it, also research the good points of having a dog, and why it would be great for you and your family.
Ignoring the "cons" of the thing you want will not help your case, because most likely your parents will bring up these points to you, and without having the time to think about the "cons" will not look good as you are trying to convince your parents.
To prevent this, look up some "cons" of what you are asking for, so you can have some time to think about the "cons". -
Step 2: Make sure you have credible sources they can trust.
Your parents will consider what you want more if they have some background information on what it is you're asking for.
The more familiar they are with it, the less "scary" or "risky" it is, and the more likely they are to say yes.
Also, try citing your sources that you use to find information about what you want so your parents can go on the website to do more investigation themselves.
For example, if you want to spend the night at someone else's house, make sure your parents have access to your friend's house number, know your friend's parents' names, and know where the house is.
If you want a body piercing or tattoo, have the number of the establishment or some reliable websites about the practice itself.
It also helps if they know the person you want to sleepover with or if they have seen the tattoo shop before. , It's easy to get caught in a shouting match and lose track of the points you wanted to make in the first place.
Write down the three or four main things you want to say in convincing your parents.
Go back to them during the discussion, emphasize them, and make sure those points have been discussed fully before you move onto less convincing arguments, like, "But I want it!" If you're trying to get a pet, you could easily come up with a handful of points in your favor.
It promotes family bonding time, pet owners generally lead longer lives, playing with the pet is a good method of exercise, and it teaches you responsibility.
What's not to like? , In order to see if you deserve the thing you're asking for, or sometimes to make the argument go away, parents ask their children if they've taken care of their chores and duties beforehand.
Prepare ahead of time for these questions by cleaning your room, bathroom, living room, etc., doing your homework, eating your vegetables – whatever it is your parents are constantly asking you about.
Not only does it make these questions ineffective, but it proves the point that you actually are responsible.
It's a good idea to do these for several days or even a week in advance.
If they ask if your room is clean and you say yes, they could easily respond with, "Well, this is the first time it's been clean in a long time." You may have to put in some long-term work for it to be convincing. , Find a time when your parents seem relaxed and happy to have the discussion.
It is not a good idea to ask for something when either parent seems stressed or tired, because they might get annoyed easy.
Usually, family dinner time is a safe bet.
That being said, if mom or dad seemed stress, that could work in your favor if you're asking for a pet.
You could point out that people who are attached to a dog or other pet have significantly lower stress levels, blood pressure, and a decreased risk of depression.If you haven't completed something they've asked of you, such as chores or homework, this is not the right time to ask either.
It's another easy (and valid) reason for objection, so get those chores done first. , If you whine or get angry, your parents will likely think you are not mature enough to handle whatever it is you are asking them for.
They'll shut down the conversation immediately, insisting that you all talk about it when you're feeling calmer.
That or they'll argue that your tone proves that you're not ready.
Both are situations you want to avoid! Even if you end up not getting your way, behaving maturely throughout will set the tone for future discussions that may go your way.
It may leave them thinking, "Huh, maybe our child really is growing up and becoming mature." You want to leave them wondering if they should've said yes, so when you bring the topic up later, they're warmer to it. , Many times parents say it's because it's somehow an inconvenience for them.
Either it costs them money or time or both.
Because you are likely asking for them to do something for you, emphasize that it could also benefit them.
Both of you get something out of the situation, so why not? If you're asking for a phone, make it clear that they can use your new number to check up on you.
You could even be willing to talk about what happens if you don't answer – maybe you'd get your phone privileges revoked? If you're asking for an extended curfew, emphasize that that means more free time for them.
And you could also only get an extended curfew when you can get a ride home from someone else so they don't have to come pick you up. , Don't force them to give you an answer right away.
Tell them to get back to you in a couple hours or days with any questions or concerns they have.
Let them know that you want to discuss this as mature, responsible adults and you are willing to work through any potential issues.
Say it like that, and you'll be sure to impress them with how well-rounded and balanced your argument is.
It's best to arrange a specific time to talk about it.
That way they'll be less likely to respond with "Oh, we haven't discussed it yet," and you won't have the awkward duty of picking a time to bring it up in the future.
Instead, saying next week at dinner makes it more concrete and likely to happen. , Work out an agreement that makes both you and your parents happy.
Offer to pay for part of the phone bill or do extra chores around the house in exchange.
Make sure they are getting something out of this as well.
After all, it's likely they're going to end up taking care of part of it, regardless of what it is.
If you want a dog, for example, work out a compromise of who is going to take it for walks, feed it, let it out, etc., in addition to who's going to pay for it and the veterinary fees.
The responsibility doesn't end with a pet (or a phone) after it's bought, and that's likely what they're worrying about.
Come up with stipulations for if you don't hold up your end of the deal, too – if you forget to let Fluffy out a few times, it's goodbye to your late Friday nights or a reduction in your allowance.
This shows that you really mean business and are willing to make sacrifices yourself. , One thing that helps is learning how to write an essay for what you want.
These are called persuasive essays.
The structure looks like this:
Topic Sentence.
Transition sentence.
Main Point (or thesis statement).
Topic Sentence one.
Specific evidence: evidence proving why you want this.
Explanation of your evidence: what does your example show your parents? Transition Sentence.
Topic sentence two.
Specific evidence two.
Explanation of evidence.
Transition sentence.
This topic sentence shows an alternate perspective on the subject.
The specific evidence proves your topic sentence wrong.
Explanation of specific evidence.
Transition sentence.
Topic Sentence four can explain another perspective or you can leave out paragraph four.
Specific evidence four.
Explanation of evidence.
Transition sentence.
Opening conclusion statement.
Closing point about your thesis.
Closing sentence that restated and reaffirms thesis.
If you write this correctly, it can really help your cause. , You can always just ask for reasons of why they aren't letting you do the thing you desire.
Sometimes they will give you a valid point and sometimes it won't make sense.
As long as you do it in a mature fashion, most parents will be happy to give you reasons.
Ask them their concerns and try to address them.
This may change their minds if you have a convincing rebuttal.
If you can find out why they said no, you can find a way to remove that factor or say it in a way that they will agree to.
For example, if you cannot have a phone because they do not think you are old enough, then show them how mature you can be.
Pinpointing the reason makes it a lot easier to get to the crux of the issue. , Parents will inevitably take your history of behavior into consideration.
Start getting good grades (if you aren't already), do chores around the house without them asking you, and stay out of trouble.
Make sure they know that you're responsible enough to get or do that specific thing you're asking about.
As mentioned previously, sometimes you may have to put in the time.
A couple of days of being on good behavior might not be convincing, but a few weeks? That could do the trick.
If you remain patient and diligent, they may see that you're ready for this new responsibility. , Don't make it obvious that you're upset.
Be kind to them and act as you normally would.
They may act like they don't care, but they are smiling inside and it will help you in the long run.
It can also start making them feel a little guilty, which may not be a bad thing in this situation.
The kinder you are, the more they'll feel bad they said no, which could lead to a change of heart. , Sometimes, parents respond better to having an argument written out.
Write a convincing and persuading letter that explains to your parents why you deserve what you're trying to get.
This looks professional and your parents will be impressed at the mature way you're handling the situation.
Make sure it's handwritten and presented nicely.
They'll see how much work you put into it and how much it means to you.
It's a good start point for showing how much work you're willing to put in later, too.
If you put this much work into a letter, maybe you will take care of Fluffy, pick up her poo, and take her for walks when she needs them. , If one method of persuasion isn't working, try switching arguments.
Don't use the same material over and over again.
Showing them that you have lots of great reasons about why you should have what you're trying to get.
For example, let's say you're asking for a phone and you started with the logical argument that it's safe – if you ever got in trouble, you could call them.
It didn't work, so now you need to switch it up.
You could talk about how you need a phone to make friends at school, to get a job or volunteer position, or even that there's a special deal going on right now where you can get one really cheaply.
What do you think would work for them? , Sometimes you have to simply let a decision be for the moment.
Simply say, "Okay, thanks for discussing it with me" and walk away.
You can try again at another time.
Keep showing that you are responsible and your parents might change their minds.
After all, you get older and more mature every day.
You should broach the topic at a later date, but don't be too rushed with it.
If your parents say that you'll talk about it after Christmas, for example, wait until a week or so after Christmas.
Respect their wishes and they'll be more likely to respect (and grant) yours. , If you want a dog and they say, no way, that thing is way too big and expensive, keep your cool.
If they won't let you have a German Shepherd, ask for a goldfish, or a hamster, something small and easy to take care of.
Who knows? You may even be happier with your fishy friend anyway. -
Step 3: Write a list of your argument's main points.
-
Step 4: Prepare for questions like
-
Step 5: "Is your room clean?"
-
Step 6: Pick the right time to approach the subject.
-
Step 7: Maintain a calm tone during the talk.
-
Step 8: Let them know how it benefits them.
-
Step 9: Give them time to think about it.
-
Step 10: Compromise with them.
-
Step 11: Write out your reasons.
-
Step 12: Ask them why they're saying no.
-
Step 13: Clean up your act.
-
Step 14: Be nice to them even though they said no.
-
Step 15: Write a letter.
-
Step 16: Switch up your strategy.
-
Step 17: Let it be.
-
Step 18: Go small!
Detailed Guide
Make sure you have a good understanding of what you'll be asking your parents about so that you will have answers for their questions.
If it helps you, try writing a few bullet points to help you to remember.
Explaining these things that you have found about your topic will help your case.
Also, if you are willing and able, consider paying for a portion of the price of something you desire.
If you want them to let you have a dog, research how much maintenance the dog will require and how much it will cost to have one.
Aside from the actual logistics of it, also research the good points of having a dog, and why it would be great for you and your family.
Ignoring the "cons" of the thing you want will not help your case, because most likely your parents will bring up these points to you, and without having the time to think about the "cons" will not look good as you are trying to convince your parents.
To prevent this, look up some "cons" of what you are asking for, so you can have some time to think about the "cons".
Your parents will consider what you want more if they have some background information on what it is you're asking for.
The more familiar they are with it, the less "scary" or "risky" it is, and the more likely they are to say yes.
Also, try citing your sources that you use to find information about what you want so your parents can go on the website to do more investigation themselves.
For example, if you want to spend the night at someone else's house, make sure your parents have access to your friend's house number, know your friend's parents' names, and know where the house is.
If you want a body piercing or tattoo, have the number of the establishment or some reliable websites about the practice itself.
It also helps if they know the person you want to sleepover with or if they have seen the tattoo shop before. , It's easy to get caught in a shouting match and lose track of the points you wanted to make in the first place.
Write down the three or four main things you want to say in convincing your parents.
Go back to them during the discussion, emphasize them, and make sure those points have been discussed fully before you move onto less convincing arguments, like, "But I want it!" If you're trying to get a pet, you could easily come up with a handful of points in your favor.
It promotes family bonding time, pet owners generally lead longer lives, playing with the pet is a good method of exercise, and it teaches you responsibility.
What's not to like? , In order to see if you deserve the thing you're asking for, or sometimes to make the argument go away, parents ask their children if they've taken care of their chores and duties beforehand.
Prepare ahead of time for these questions by cleaning your room, bathroom, living room, etc., doing your homework, eating your vegetables – whatever it is your parents are constantly asking you about.
Not only does it make these questions ineffective, but it proves the point that you actually are responsible.
It's a good idea to do these for several days or even a week in advance.
If they ask if your room is clean and you say yes, they could easily respond with, "Well, this is the first time it's been clean in a long time." You may have to put in some long-term work for it to be convincing. , Find a time when your parents seem relaxed and happy to have the discussion.
It is not a good idea to ask for something when either parent seems stressed or tired, because they might get annoyed easy.
Usually, family dinner time is a safe bet.
That being said, if mom or dad seemed stress, that could work in your favor if you're asking for a pet.
You could point out that people who are attached to a dog or other pet have significantly lower stress levels, blood pressure, and a decreased risk of depression.If you haven't completed something they've asked of you, such as chores or homework, this is not the right time to ask either.
It's another easy (and valid) reason for objection, so get those chores done first. , If you whine or get angry, your parents will likely think you are not mature enough to handle whatever it is you are asking them for.
They'll shut down the conversation immediately, insisting that you all talk about it when you're feeling calmer.
That or they'll argue that your tone proves that you're not ready.
Both are situations you want to avoid! Even if you end up not getting your way, behaving maturely throughout will set the tone for future discussions that may go your way.
It may leave them thinking, "Huh, maybe our child really is growing up and becoming mature." You want to leave them wondering if they should've said yes, so when you bring the topic up later, they're warmer to it. , Many times parents say it's because it's somehow an inconvenience for them.
Either it costs them money or time or both.
Because you are likely asking for them to do something for you, emphasize that it could also benefit them.
Both of you get something out of the situation, so why not? If you're asking for a phone, make it clear that they can use your new number to check up on you.
You could even be willing to talk about what happens if you don't answer – maybe you'd get your phone privileges revoked? If you're asking for an extended curfew, emphasize that that means more free time for them.
And you could also only get an extended curfew when you can get a ride home from someone else so they don't have to come pick you up. , Don't force them to give you an answer right away.
Tell them to get back to you in a couple hours or days with any questions or concerns they have.
Let them know that you want to discuss this as mature, responsible adults and you are willing to work through any potential issues.
Say it like that, and you'll be sure to impress them with how well-rounded and balanced your argument is.
It's best to arrange a specific time to talk about it.
That way they'll be less likely to respond with "Oh, we haven't discussed it yet," and you won't have the awkward duty of picking a time to bring it up in the future.
Instead, saying next week at dinner makes it more concrete and likely to happen. , Work out an agreement that makes both you and your parents happy.
Offer to pay for part of the phone bill or do extra chores around the house in exchange.
Make sure they are getting something out of this as well.
After all, it's likely they're going to end up taking care of part of it, regardless of what it is.
If you want a dog, for example, work out a compromise of who is going to take it for walks, feed it, let it out, etc., in addition to who's going to pay for it and the veterinary fees.
The responsibility doesn't end with a pet (or a phone) after it's bought, and that's likely what they're worrying about.
Come up with stipulations for if you don't hold up your end of the deal, too – if you forget to let Fluffy out a few times, it's goodbye to your late Friday nights or a reduction in your allowance.
This shows that you really mean business and are willing to make sacrifices yourself. , One thing that helps is learning how to write an essay for what you want.
These are called persuasive essays.
The structure looks like this:
Topic Sentence.
Transition sentence.
Main Point (or thesis statement).
Topic Sentence one.
Specific evidence: evidence proving why you want this.
Explanation of your evidence: what does your example show your parents? Transition Sentence.
Topic sentence two.
Specific evidence two.
Explanation of evidence.
Transition sentence.
This topic sentence shows an alternate perspective on the subject.
The specific evidence proves your topic sentence wrong.
Explanation of specific evidence.
Transition sentence.
Topic Sentence four can explain another perspective or you can leave out paragraph four.
Specific evidence four.
Explanation of evidence.
Transition sentence.
Opening conclusion statement.
Closing point about your thesis.
Closing sentence that restated and reaffirms thesis.
If you write this correctly, it can really help your cause. , You can always just ask for reasons of why they aren't letting you do the thing you desire.
Sometimes they will give you a valid point and sometimes it won't make sense.
As long as you do it in a mature fashion, most parents will be happy to give you reasons.
Ask them their concerns and try to address them.
This may change their minds if you have a convincing rebuttal.
If you can find out why they said no, you can find a way to remove that factor or say it in a way that they will agree to.
For example, if you cannot have a phone because they do not think you are old enough, then show them how mature you can be.
Pinpointing the reason makes it a lot easier to get to the crux of the issue. , Parents will inevitably take your history of behavior into consideration.
Start getting good grades (if you aren't already), do chores around the house without them asking you, and stay out of trouble.
Make sure they know that you're responsible enough to get or do that specific thing you're asking about.
As mentioned previously, sometimes you may have to put in the time.
A couple of days of being on good behavior might not be convincing, but a few weeks? That could do the trick.
If you remain patient and diligent, they may see that you're ready for this new responsibility. , Don't make it obvious that you're upset.
Be kind to them and act as you normally would.
They may act like they don't care, but they are smiling inside and it will help you in the long run.
It can also start making them feel a little guilty, which may not be a bad thing in this situation.
The kinder you are, the more they'll feel bad they said no, which could lead to a change of heart. , Sometimes, parents respond better to having an argument written out.
Write a convincing and persuading letter that explains to your parents why you deserve what you're trying to get.
This looks professional and your parents will be impressed at the mature way you're handling the situation.
Make sure it's handwritten and presented nicely.
They'll see how much work you put into it and how much it means to you.
It's a good start point for showing how much work you're willing to put in later, too.
If you put this much work into a letter, maybe you will take care of Fluffy, pick up her poo, and take her for walks when she needs them. , If one method of persuasion isn't working, try switching arguments.
Don't use the same material over and over again.
Showing them that you have lots of great reasons about why you should have what you're trying to get.
For example, let's say you're asking for a phone and you started with the logical argument that it's safe – if you ever got in trouble, you could call them.
It didn't work, so now you need to switch it up.
You could talk about how you need a phone to make friends at school, to get a job or volunteer position, or even that there's a special deal going on right now where you can get one really cheaply.
What do you think would work for them? , Sometimes you have to simply let a decision be for the moment.
Simply say, "Okay, thanks for discussing it with me" and walk away.
You can try again at another time.
Keep showing that you are responsible and your parents might change their minds.
After all, you get older and more mature every day.
You should broach the topic at a later date, but don't be too rushed with it.
If your parents say that you'll talk about it after Christmas, for example, wait until a week or so after Christmas.
Respect their wishes and they'll be more likely to respect (and grant) yours. , If you want a dog and they say, no way, that thing is way too big and expensive, keep your cool.
If they won't let you have a German Shepherd, ask for a goldfish, or a hamster, something small and easy to take care of.
Who knows? You may even be happier with your fishy friend anyway.
About the Author
Michael Ryan
Committed to making home improvement accessible and understandable for everyone.
Rate This Guide
How helpful was this guide? Click to rate: