How to Deal with a Demanding Host at Family Events

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: State your expectations up front.

   Let your host know what you can and cannot do for the upcoming event.
   
   If there is anything you are looking forward to, make sure that they know.
   
   Being as clear as possible early on may encourage the host to let you enjoy yourself during the event.
   
   For example, if you are worried that you will be asked to watch the children, you might say, “I am really looking forward to seeing everyone.
   
   I haven’t seen my uncles in forever, and I’m hoping that I can sit next to them at dinner.” If you know that the host will be expecting something from you that you cannot provide, let them know as early as possible, especially if it is a task that they have asked you to do before.
   
   You might say, “I've had back problems recently.
   
   I know you usually want me to help set up the tables at the picnic, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to help this year.” If you are uncertain or do not want to commit, tell your host, “Let me get back to you on that.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Ask ahead of time for your duties.

   If you are going to an event where you will be expected to contribute something, make sure you know ahead of time what it will be.
   
   Contact the host.
   
   Ask them if there is anything you can do or bring to help reduce stress.For example, you might call the host a week or two beforehand and say, “I’m looking forward to the party.
   
   Is there anything I can bring to help out?” Be very clear about what type of help you are willing to lend.
   
   For example, you can say, “I’m not sure I’ll have time to cook anything.
   
   Do you want me to bring plates or drinks instead?” Tell your host exactly when you plan to arrive so that you can contribute something useful.
   
   You can say, "I won't be able to come until 8:00, so I do not think I will be able to help with the prep this year." If your availability changes, tell the host as soon as possible. , It is sometimes best to keep the peace at family gatherings to prevent larger conflict.
   
   When it comes to a demanding, controlling, or overbearing host, you should pick your battles.
   
   Try to compromise on some issues and let others slide.For example, if your host expects you to help out with cleaning up, you might decide to do it so that you do not have an argument.
   
   But if your host is nagging you about certain lifestyle choices of yours, you might decide to confront them about it.
   
   When deciding if you should talk to the host, ask yourself what you are planning to get out of it.
   
   Do you expect the host to relent? Is there a risk this might cause a larger family conflict? Or is there a way that you can ask the host to respect your personal boundaries? While it may be frustrating to deal with a demanding host, if the only thing at stake is your pride, it may be better just to be quiet.
   
   Take a break by going outside or by volunteering for an errand. , Sometimes, tensions can run high at family events.
   
   Your host might be stressed out because of their responsibilities or because of other things going on in their life.
   
   Humor can relax the situation.
   
   If you feel as though you are on the verge of conflict, try cracking a joke to lighten the mood.Self-deprecating humor is the best way to crack a joke without offending anyone.
   
   This is humor where you poke fun at yourself.For example, if the host is bothering you about being single, you can say, “Oh, I’ve been dating myself for a while, and I have to say, I think I’m the one.” , Throwing a family event, especially during the holidays, can be stressful on the host.
   
   Use small gestures to thank the host.
   
   This might boost their mood and improve their behavior towards you.
   
   Compliment the host on how well they did setting up the party.
   
   For example, you can say, "These decorations are amazing! You did a fantastic job." You may want to bring a small gift for the host.
   
   This could be a candle, a bottle of wine, a flower centerpiece, or even a friendly card.
   
   After the event, write the host a thank you note.
   
   This may encourage them to continue treating you nicely at events. , If your family member’s demands are interfering with your mental health or are causing undue stress, you may want to consider keeping space between you and them during the event.
   
   If it is a large event, such as a holiday party or reunion, you might be able to seat yourself next to different family members.
   
   You might decide to not volunteer for any duties.
   
   While you should not ignore the host, avoid touchy topics and situations.If it is a small event, such as a family dinner, you may not be able to avoid them entirely.
   
   Let your host know at the beginning when you have to leave.
   
   This can help you set a firm boundary for how long you will see the problematic host.
   
   For example, you might say, "We would love to stay, but we are paying a baby sitter tonight, so we have to be back by ten." If you're allowed to bring a guest, it can help put space between you and the host.
   
   The host may be on their best behavior in front of the guest, and you may be able to escape the host's demands since you are entertaining someone else.
3. 3

   Step 3: Go with the flow.

4. 4

   Step 4: Use humor to reduce stress.

5. 5

   Step 5: Appreciate the host.

6. 6

   Step 6: Maintain your distance.

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