How to Deal With a Disagreement Over Your Teenage Daughter's Clothing Choices
Determine what specifically bothers you about the way she dresses and the fact that she changes her clothes after she leaves the house in defiance of your rules., Find a time to talk to your daughter when both of you will be relaxed and not bothered...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Determine what specifically bothers you about the way she dresses and the fact that she changes her clothes after she leaves the house in defiance of your rules.
Talk it out with a non-judgmental friend; write about it in your journal; or just think about it.
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you think that her clothes are too revealing? Does she leave the impression of promiscuity? Is she changing her style to a more rebellious one just to annoy you? Is her style purely tasteless and "wrong"? Is it that the combinations she makes don't suit her? Is it that she dresses inappropriately for certain occasions? Examples: school, formal events.
Does she have a tendency to wear rather poor quality clothes? -
Step 2: Find a time to talk to your daughter when both of you will be relaxed and not bothered by other things.
Think about dinner time, driving to school, or going out for ice cream.
You may even want to have several of these "sessions" before bringing up the clothing issue. , Picking a topic that you both dislike and can make fun of is a good start. , You can start by saying "Sweetie, I really dislike how we've become adversaries over the way you dress.
I think it is making our relationship more difficult.
Can we talk about it now?" The conversation should cover three areas
- how you feel about it, your standards for what is appropriate and the ramifications of her dressing as she does.
When talking about your feelings always start with I. "I get concerned, or I'm embarrassed..." Be honest! , Include teachers, grandparents, friends and possible friends. , If it starts to get heated stop and take a deep breath and say: "I think there are some things about this that you would like to say to me.
In the past I may or may not have listened.
Right now I'm ready to listen, so please take your time and don't be angry with me.
That will make it easier for me to understand your point." When you have listened to everything she has to say, ask her to listen to you and cover steps 4 and 5 again if you need to. , Talk about how you can find a solution that would work for both of you.
Be prepared to compromise.
Insist that she not change after she leaves the house as it is childish and fosters a lack of trust between the two of you.
Identify where you are not willing to compromise.
Be clear and specific.
After all, you are the parent.
The clothing that has been identified as completely unacceptable should not be in her possession.
Give it to Goodwill or the like. , Then make sure you do! -
Step 3: Start a casual conversation about anything to set the mood as chummy.
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Step 4: Move into the conversation about the clothes.
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Step 5: When talking about ramifications
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Step 6: talk about the reactions that she will get and what people will think.
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Step 7: Listen
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Step 8: listen
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Step 9: listen.
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Step 10: Agree to disagree.
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Step 11: Agree to come back to the subject in a week or two to see how the solution is working.
Detailed Guide
Talk it out with a non-judgmental friend; write about it in your journal; or just think about it.
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you think that her clothes are too revealing? Does she leave the impression of promiscuity? Is she changing her style to a more rebellious one just to annoy you? Is her style purely tasteless and "wrong"? Is it that the combinations she makes don't suit her? Is it that she dresses inappropriately for certain occasions? Examples: school, formal events.
Does she have a tendency to wear rather poor quality clothes?
Think about dinner time, driving to school, or going out for ice cream.
You may even want to have several of these "sessions" before bringing up the clothing issue. , Picking a topic that you both dislike and can make fun of is a good start. , You can start by saying "Sweetie, I really dislike how we've become adversaries over the way you dress.
I think it is making our relationship more difficult.
Can we talk about it now?" The conversation should cover three areas
- how you feel about it, your standards for what is appropriate and the ramifications of her dressing as she does.
When talking about your feelings always start with I. "I get concerned, or I'm embarrassed..." Be honest! , Include teachers, grandparents, friends and possible friends. , If it starts to get heated stop and take a deep breath and say: "I think there are some things about this that you would like to say to me.
In the past I may or may not have listened.
Right now I'm ready to listen, so please take your time and don't be angry with me.
That will make it easier for me to understand your point." When you have listened to everything she has to say, ask her to listen to you and cover steps 4 and 5 again if you need to. , Talk about how you can find a solution that would work for both of you.
Be prepared to compromise.
Insist that she not change after she leaves the house as it is childish and fosters a lack of trust between the two of you.
Identify where you are not willing to compromise.
Be clear and specific.
After all, you are the parent.
The clothing that has been identified as completely unacceptable should not be in her possession.
Give it to Goodwill or the like. , Then make sure you do!
About the Author
Carol Bell
Carol Bell has dedicated 10 years to mastering education and learning. As a content creator, Carol focuses on providing actionable tips and step-by-step guides.
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