How to Deal With a Domineering Mother

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Talk during a non-stressful time.

   Sit your mom down for a talk after she has had time to wind down from her day.
   
   If you know she has a lot going on at work or at home, delay the conversation to a less busy time.
   
   Cook dinner or wash the dishes so she has less to do and you’ll have more time to talk.
   
   Pull her aside and say “Hey Ma, can I talk to you about something? It’s been on my mind for a while.”
2. 2

   Step 2: Express yourself honestly.

   Be direct and truthful with your mom about how her behavior is affecting you.
   
   Tell her about how you want and need more independence in your life to be happier.
   
   Appeal to her from both an emotional and a logical standpoint.
   
   You can say “Mom, it bothers me that you won’t let me choose my own clothes for school.
   
   I am getting older everyday and it’s embarrassing.
   
   I’m trying to become more responsible and mature, but I feel like you won’t even let me make the smallest decisions.” , Your mom may not react well to this discussion.
   
   She might yell or get very upset with you.
   
   However, be calm and keep your voice at a neutral tone.
   
   Keep your hands in your lap and practice deep breathing so that you don’t get worked up.It is okay to cry, as this is an emotional discussion.
   
   But try to avoid allowing your emotions to consume you.
   
   You want to seem mature and put together. , When your mom starts to make her own points, don’t dismiss them.
   
   Instead let her know that you hear her, even if you don’t agree.
   
   Remind her that you love and respect her.Say something like “I know you’re scared that I could get hurt if I play basketball.
   
   I understand that.
   
   But Mom, I don’t want to live my life based on fears.
   
   I really love basketball and want to play.” , After you have talked more about the things that bother you, tell your mom what you’d like to do moving forward.
   
   Be positive and forward thinking during this part of the conversation instead of harping on the negatives.Say something like “I would like more of a say on my curfew.
   
   It has been 9PM for the last two years, and since I’m 18 now, I think that moving it to 11PM makes sense.
   
   I have never broken curfew or gotten into trouble, so I’ve proven that I’m responsible.” , Using phrases like “you always” followed by something negative are sure to put your mother on defense.
   
   Instead of doing this, use concrete examples of things that have frustrated you.
   
   Set a tone of improving your relationship rather than blaming her for all problems.Say “Mom, on Tuesday when you called me five times back to back, that was really stressful.
   
   I was at work and had to finally pick up and my manager got upset.
   
   If you call me once, I promise to always call you back as soon as I am able.”
3. 3

   Step 3: Keep calm.

4. 4

   Step 4: Affirm their feelings.

5. 5

   Step 5: Be clear about your goals for your relationship.

6. 6

   Step 6: Be optimistic and avoid the defensive.

Detailed Guide

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