How to Deal with a Toddler Saying 'No'
Give your child choices when you ask a question., Count down if your child resists making a decision., Tell your child what you want, rather than what you don’t want., Aim for alternative responses., Provide a basis for your requests., Try to relax.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give your child choices when you ask a question.
If you don’t give your child a yes or no answer, it will be very hard for her to say ‘no’.
Offering your child two choices will help her to feel like she is in control, so she won’t feel as inclined to try to resist.For example:
You can say, “Do you want to brush your teeth now or do you want to brush your teeth after two more minutes of play?” Either way, she will brush her teeth.
You can make it funny like “Do you want to take a bath now so you smell good or do you want to take a bath later and smell like Oscar the Grouch?”. -
Step 2: Count down if your child resists making a decision.
If you give your child a choice between two things, but she says no to making the decision, employ the countdown technique.
Tell her that you will count to five and then she will need to make a choice or you will make the choice for her.
This might not always work, but it is worth it to give it a try to make your life easier. , When you use the word ‘no’ all the time, your child is more likely to persist in refusing to do things.
When she hears ‘No you can’t eat candy” or “No you can’t run in the house”, it creates an impression that saying no gives the person saying it a voice of authority.
Instead, try to be positive and tell your child what you do want her to do.
Instead of saying “Don’t play in the sandbox, you’ll ruin your shirt!” say, “I would really like you to stay inside until I am done so that you don’t get dirt on your nice shirt”.
Keep your tone in mind.
If it is not an emergency, stay calm and use a firm tone of voice. , Try to expand your child’s responses so that she realizes there are other responses besides ‘no’.
When she is in a good mood, introduce your child to words like ‘perhaps’, ‘maybe’, and ‘possibly’.
Teach your child what these words mean and how to use them.
Giving your child other options will at the very least give you a reprieve from the relentless sound of ‘no’. , Reasoning with your child is possible at this stage.
If you give reasons for your requests that are direct, to the point, and short, your child will be more inclined to listen to you.
For example:
If you say “Please don’t eat your candy before you go to sleep.
You can get a tummy ache later in the night if you do” instead of saying “Don’t eat candy right now! You know it’s time for bed!”.
Your toddler is more likely to respond positively to the first statement., Apart from the fact that this phase will eventually wear off, you do have a few tricks up your sleeve to even the playing field.
Solving the conflicts that can arise when your child says no all the time can be tricky and tiring.
However, it is a normal part of your child growing up, so try to meet this refusal stage head on but with a relaxed manner.
Being too exacting in response to your child’s refusal to do something may make your child feel helpless or more resistant, and may lead to extreme defiant behavior.
Instead, try to relax and pick your battles. -
Step 3: Tell your child what you want
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Step 4: rather than what you don’t want.
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Step 5: Aim for alternative responses.
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Step 6: Provide a basis for your requests.
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Step 7: Try to relax.
Detailed Guide
If you don’t give your child a yes or no answer, it will be very hard for her to say ‘no’.
Offering your child two choices will help her to feel like she is in control, so she won’t feel as inclined to try to resist.For example:
You can say, “Do you want to brush your teeth now or do you want to brush your teeth after two more minutes of play?” Either way, she will brush her teeth.
You can make it funny like “Do you want to take a bath now so you smell good or do you want to take a bath later and smell like Oscar the Grouch?”.
If you give your child a choice between two things, but she says no to making the decision, employ the countdown technique.
Tell her that you will count to five and then she will need to make a choice or you will make the choice for her.
This might not always work, but it is worth it to give it a try to make your life easier. , When you use the word ‘no’ all the time, your child is more likely to persist in refusing to do things.
When she hears ‘No you can’t eat candy” or “No you can’t run in the house”, it creates an impression that saying no gives the person saying it a voice of authority.
Instead, try to be positive and tell your child what you do want her to do.
Instead of saying “Don’t play in the sandbox, you’ll ruin your shirt!” say, “I would really like you to stay inside until I am done so that you don’t get dirt on your nice shirt”.
Keep your tone in mind.
If it is not an emergency, stay calm and use a firm tone of voice. , Try to expand your child’s responses so that she realizes there are other responses besides ‘no’.
When she is in a good mood, introduce your child to words like ‘perhaps’, ‘maybe’, and ‘possibly’.
Teach your child what these words mean and how to use them.
Giving your child other options will at the very least give you a reprieve from the relentless sound of ‘no’. , Reasoning with your child is possible at this stage.
If you give reasons for your requests that are direct, to the point, and short, your child will be more inclined to listen to you.
For example:
If you say “Please don’t eat your candy before you go to sleep.
You can get a tummy ache later in the night if you do” instead of saying “Don’t eat candy right now! You know it’s time for bed!”.
Your toddler is more likely to respond positively to the first statement., Apart from the fact that this phase will eventually wear off, you do have a few tricks up your sleeve to even the playing field.
Solving the conflicts that can arise when your child says no all the time can be tricky and tiring.
However, it is a normal part of your child growing up, so try to meet this refusal stage head on but with a relaxed manner.
Being too exacting in response to your child’s refusal to do something may make your child feel helpless or more resistant, and may lead to extreme defiant behavior.
Instead, try to relax and pick your battles.
About the Author
Jack Ford
Specializes in breaking down complex creative arts topics into simple steps.
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