How to Deal with Former Bullies at a High School Reunion
Plan ahead.Contact the reunion committee -- the group that organized the reunion -- and have them email you a full list of everyone who will be attending., Think about what you have to gain by confronting the bully.If you lived each day of your high...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Plan ahead.Contact the reunion committee -- the group that organized the reunion -- and have them email you a full list of everyone who will be attending.
If the bully’s name is on it and you really don’t want to see them, there is no shame in not attending.
However, you should carefully weigh whether avoiding a former bully is more important than the chance to meet other alumni from your graduating class.
When you contact the organizing committee, thank them for their hard work in putting the reunion together. -
Step 2: Think about what you have to gain by confronting the bully.If you lived each day of your high school career in fear of going to school because of a bully
However, speaking with your bully might also be anti-climatic, or lead to new feelings of frustration.
Before confronting your former bully, be sure that it’s what you really want.
Seeing your personal bully again can help you contextualize both your life and the bully’s.
For instance, if you see your bully has accomplished very little of value since high school, while you have accomplished a great deal, you will feel proud of yourself and take pleasure in how pitiful the bully has become.
If your bully has changed or is apologetic, you might be able to put the past behind you., Talking to or even seeing your former bully might inspire feelings of anger, sadness, embarrassment, or emotional pain.
Prepare against these feelings before heading to your high school reunion by getting in the right frame of mind.
Use one positive word to describe your own attitude and behavior, and repeat it over and over again like a mantra.For instance, you might repeat “compassion” or “peaceful” over and over and picture yourself in a beautiful, green meadow by a lake.
This way, you will remain calm and won’t become agitated or angry when you see the bully again, even if you only see him or her from a distance.
You could also take a big breath in, then let it out slowly through your mouth over the course of five or six seconds.
Do this several times to calm your mind and reduce your heart rate. , Seeing your bully again may make you feel like you are back in high school again.
Try to remind yourself that both you and your bully have gone through many changes.
Even if it has only been five years since your high school graduation, you and your bully may have both had a series of jobs, relationships, and other important experiences that shaped and changed you.
Your bully might no longer be the same person.
The things your bully has experienced might have transformed them into a totally different person.
Evaluate your current stance on moral and life issues, your values, and your interpersonal relationships.
How have you changed since high school? Would your current self even be bullied? Would your current self allow it? , Bullying has many near and long-term impacts.Take time to think about how being bullied has or hasn’t impacted your life.
For instance, you might: engage in bullying yourself be less healthy than other people your age have clinical depression take up smoking feel angry become socially withdrawn -
Step 3: you might feel an increased sense of agency and power by finally confronting this demon from your past.
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Step 4: Stay grounded.
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Step 5: Remember you’re not in high school anymore.
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Step 6: Consider how you’ve overcome (or not overcome) the bullying.
Detailed Guide
If the bully’s name is on it and you really don’t want to see them, there is no shame in not attending.
However, you should carefully weigh whether avoiding a former bully is more important than the chance to meet other alumni from your graduating class.
When you contact the organizing committee, thank them for their hard work in putting the reunion together.
However, speaking with your bully might also be anti-climatic, or lead to new feelings of frustration.
Before confronting your former bully, be sure that it’s what you really want.
Seeing your personal bully again can help you contextualize both your life and the bully’s.
For instance, if you see your bully has accomplished very little of value since high school, while you have accomplished a great deal, you will feel proud of yourself and take pleasure in how pitiful the bully has become.
If your bully has changed or is apologetic, you might be able to put the past behind you., Talking to or even seeing your former bully might inspire feelings of anger, sadness, embarrassment, or emotional pain.
Prepare against these feelings before heading to your high school reunion by getting in the right frame of mind.
Use one positive word to describe your own attitude and behavior, and repeat it over and over again like a mantra.For instance, you might repeat “compassion” or “peaceful” over and over and picture yourself in a beautiful, green meadow by a lake.
This way, you will remain calm and won’t become agitated or angry when you see the bully again, even if you only see him or her from a distance.
You could also take a big breath in, then let it out slowly through your mouth over the course of five or six seconds.
Do this several times to calm your mind and reduce your heart rate. , Seeing your bully again may make you feel like you are back in high school again.
Try to remind yourself that both you and your bully have gone through many changes.
Even if it has only been five years since your high school graduation, you and your bully may have both had a series of jobs, relationships, and other important experiences that shaped and changed you.
Your bully might no longer be the same person.
The things your bully has experienced might have transformed them into a totally different person.
Evaluate your current stance on moral and life issues, your values, and your interpersonal relationships.
How have you changed since high school? Would your current self even be bullied? Would your current self allow it? , Bullying has many near and long-term impacts.Take time to think about how being bullied has or hasn’t impacted your life.
For instance, you might: engage in bullying yourself be less healthy than other people your age have clinical depression take up smoking feel angry become socially withdrawn
About the Author
John Stevens
Enthusiastic about teaching crafts techniques through clear, step-by-step guides.
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