How to Deal with Parents As a Young Adult
Pick a good setting., Stay calm., Be straightforward and honest., Listen and ask questions., Ask for advice., Write a letter.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Pick a good setting.
Choose a time when your parents can sit down and talk with you without being distracted.
Try to talk with your parents alone at first.
If you live away from home, call and ask what time would work the best for them.
Leave your significant other out of the initial conversation or your parents may feel ambushed and act defensively.
You might also gauge your parents' mood and make sure it is okay prior to talking.
You could say, “Did today go okay? I have something important I’d like to talk with you about tonight.” It’s best to avoid a public place for a conversation of this type. -
Step 2: Stay calm.
As you tell your parents your concerns, maintain a level voice and try to keep your emotions in check, even when talking about actions that make you angry.
Keep your mind focused on word choice and expressing yourself in the most accurate way possible.
If you feel overwhelmed, take a break and stand or do a quick stretch.If you find yourself getting angry as your parents speak, focus on your breathing.
Picture yourself breathing all of the anger out and taking positive energy in. , You are only as good as your word, so don’t lie or elaborate.
Simply recount the events from your list and include your emotional reactions.
If it is easier, you may ask your parents to remain silent until you finish with an initial ‘list’ of concerns.
It’s not healthy to hold thoughts and feelings inside.
They can fester and make you a bitter, angry person.
Try to have constructive conversations about problematic feelings as they arise so that you don't create large-scale fights or blowouts.To avoid a defensive reaction, you might open with a positive statement, such as, "I love you" or "You know I appreciate what you do for me." Then, transition by emphasizing your feelings, "Lately, I feel..." When describing your feelings try to connect back to your parents by stating, "You know that one time..." or "Remember when I said..."
When your parents get a chance to talk, respect them and listen carefully.
This is your opportunity to try to understand where they are coming from.
There is a possibility that the same event was viewed in two different ways.
Listen to them now so that you can avoid miscommunication and misinterpretation in the future.
Give them indications that you are listening.
Nod your head or say “okay” as they are talking.
If you disagree, reserve your response to “Hmmm” at the moment and wait until it’s your turn to talk.
Wait until they are finished and ask some questions.
It may be helpful to write down any questions on a notepad as they are talking.
Avoid asking “yes/no” questions and instead choose open-ended ones.It may also be helpful to thank them for listening to your concerns and providing their feedback, even if there are areas where you disagree. , Keep parts of the conversation positive by telling your parents about your goals for the future.
Discuss your financial, romantic, or work-related plans and ask for their advice.
This lets them know that you value their opinion, and will request it, but you still need boundaries.
This does not mean that you need to disclose every detail of your financial situation, such as salary or debts.
Nearly half of young adults don’t talk about finances with their parents.You could ask them for credit card advice.
You might say, “Is it ever worth it to get a credit card with an annual fee? Why?” , If you don’t feel comfortable talking with your parents in person, write them a detailed letter expressing your feelings, or make a list of issues you would like to address.
Be honest, calm, and direct in your language.
You can even ask them questions that you hope will be answered.
Tell them if you would like a response in letter form, or in person.
Putting your feelings down on paper may be good for your mental health as well.
It might help you work through your negative emotions. -
Step 3: Be straightforward and honest.
-
Step 4: Listen and ask questions.
-
Step 5: Ask for advice.
-
Step 6: Write a letter.
Detailed Guide
Choose a time when your parents can sit down and talk with you without being distracted.
Try to talk with your parents alone at first.
If you live away from home, call and ask what time would work the best for them.
Leave your significant other out of the initial conversation or your parents may feel ambushed and act defensively.
You might also gauge your parents' mood and make sure it is okay prior to talking.
You could say, “Did today go okay? I have something important I’d like to talk with you about tonight.” It’s best to avoid a public place for a conversation of this type.
As you tell your parents your concerns, maintain a level voice and try to keep your emotions in check, even when talking about actions that make you angry.
Keep your mind focused on word choice and expressing yourself in the most accurate way possible.
If you feel overwhelmed, take a break and stand or do a quick stretch.If you find yourself getting angry as your parents speak, focus on your breathing.
Picture yourself breathing all of the anger out and taking positive energy in. , You are only as good as your word, so don’t lie or elaborate.
Simply recount the events from your list and include your emotional reactions.
If it is easier, you may ask your parents to remain silent until you finish with an initial ‘list’ of concerns.
It’s not healthy to hold thoughts and feelings inside.
They can fester and make you a bitter, angry person.
Try to have constructive conversations about problematic feelings as they arise so that you don't create large-scale fights or blowouts.To avoid a defensive reaction, you might open with a positive statement, such as, "I love you" or "You know I appreciate what you do for me." Then, transition by emphasizing your feelings, "Lately, I feel..." When describing your feelings try to connect back to your parents by stating, "You know that one time..." or "Remember when I said..."
When your parents get a chance to talk, respect them and listen carefully.
This is your opportunity to try to understand where they are coming from.
There is a possibility that the same event was viewed in two different ways.
Listen to them now so that you can avoid miscommunication and misinterpretation in the future.
Give them indications that you are listening.
Nod your head or say “okay” as they are talking.
If you disagree, reserve your response to “Hmmm” at the moment and wait until it’s your turn to talk.
Wait until they are finished and ask some questions.
It may be helpful to write down any questions on a notepad as they are talking.
Avoid asking “yes/no” questions and instead choose open-ended ones.It may also be helpful to thank them for listening to your concerns and providing their feedback, even if there are areas where you disagree. , Keep parts of the conversation positive by telling your parents about your goals for the future.
Discuss your financial, romantic, or work-related plans and ask for their advice.
This lets them know that you value their opinion, and will request it, but you still need boundaries.
This does not mean that you need to disclose every detail of your financial situation, such as salary or debts.
Nearly half of young adults don’t talk about finances with their parents.You could ask them for credit card advice.
You might say, “Is it ever worth it to get a credit card with an annual fee? Why?” , If you don’t feel comfortable talking with your parents in person, write them a detailed letter expressing your feelings, or make a list of issues you would like to address.
Be honest, calm, and direct in your language.
You can even ask them questions that you hope will be answered.
Tell them if you would like a response in letter form, or in person.
Putting your feelings down on paper may be good for your mental health as well.
It might help you work through your negative emotions.
About the Author
Kathryn Fisher
Dedicated to helping readers learn new skills in home improvement and beyond.
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