How to Deal With Transphobic Parents
Understand., You must remember that your parents don't understand much of what it means to be transgender., See how they feel about trans people., Plan what you are going to say (it's best to write down what you want to say to your parents)., Face...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Understand.
The person who can know if you are transgender is you.
The person who can really know about your parents is you.
It's okay if you don't know how your parents will respond to your gender identity; there are many people who find it difficult to predict how their parents will respond when they come out. -
Step 2: You must remember that your parents don't understand much of what it means to be transgender.
They might feel transgender people are "not like normal people" because it's strange to them.
Don't just assume that your parent will disown you.
Remember they need time to adjust.
You have had time to deal with some of the situation in your head but It's a very different and new part of your world to them. , There are many ways how you can see how they feel about trans people exactly.
For example, if one of your parents are watching the news about a trans person, then ask questions regarding how they feel about it.
You could tell them you know someone who is transgender.
This will help you on how you are going to come out to them.
If their responses are very negative, you may be taking a very serious risk.
Parents who have hatred or prejudiced ideas about trans people are very likely to respond dramatically if you come out to them.
If they are just simply uneducated about transgender people, like believing you have to be "gay to be transgender"
then try to educate them when you come out. , You will need to explain exactly why you feel you are trans.
It can be hard to come out on the phone or face-to-face, but they are options: pick the way that you feel is best.
You must educate your parents about transgender issues.
Remind yourself that your parents don't understand much about what it means to be transgender.
Your parents may have gotten their opinions from watching how the media portrays transgender people.
Your parents might come from a family where transgender people are strongly looked down on, or believe transgender people are "creepy" or "tweaked in the head".
Before you come out, review your words closely and choose your wording very carefully.
You need to imagine what a transphobic person might be thinking when you are coming out as transgender.
You can bring a supporting friend to help you on what you are going to say to your parents. (Review Step 5 on communicating with your parents.) , This can be very frightening experience, even when you feel it's the right time to come out to your parents.
It's important to relax and be confident when you come out to them.
Remind yourself why you wanted to come out to your parents.
Coming out, regardless of what you are coming out as, is a very uplifting step to take.
You are opening up about yourself.
You are revealing what/who you are inside to your own parents.
You are letting your parents learn more about you.
When you come out to your parents, you can tell them why you want to come out to them. , It would be good idea to talk to your parents in private.
Your parents are likely to be disbelieving or in denial that you are transgender.
They could blame your friends, the media, internet, certain events or even books when you come out.
They could tell you there are "rules" for transgender people to follow.
They could say you are "sick, twisted" for "deciding" on being transgender.
They could call transgender people homophobic slurs and argue that "gender identity is based on/same as sexual orientation." There are many arguments your parents might bring which you have to prepare for, so you should probably practice to argue well before you come out to your parents.
You have to work hard to explain very articulately why the misconceptions of transgender people are not true.
Learn to persuade and communicate well. , This can take months or years for your parents to accept you.
You cannot force your parents to quickly accept you for being transgender.
Your parents will go through stages of grief, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
It can take time for your parents to manage to understand that they cannot change your gender identity.
You might have to rebuild your relationship with parents by taking things slowly.
They are likely to need isolation to calm down for a while. , You might have to accept that your parents just don't understand, no matter how hard you tried.
Some parents can be so stubborn what they believe about transgender people that they refuse to listen to anyone who disagrees with them.
It's heartbreaking when parents refuse to accept or deal with the fact that their child is transgender, but it is important to remain strong and keep a positive image of yourself. -
Step 3: See how they feel about trans people.
-
Step 4: Plan what you are going to say (it's best to write down what you want to say to your parents).
-
Step 5: Face your fear.
-
Step 6: Communicate clearly.
-
Step 7: Have patience.
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Step 8: Learn to accept it.
Detailed Guide
The person who can know if you are transgender is you.
The person who can really know about your parents is you.
It's okay if you don't know how your parents will respond to your gender identity; there are many people who find it difficult to predict how their parents will respond when they come out.
They might feel transgender people are "not like normal people" because it's strange to them.
Don't just assume that your parent will disown you.
Remember they need time to adjust.
You have had time to deal with some of the situation in your head but It's a very different and new part of your world to them. , There are many ways how you can see how they feel about trans people exactly.
For example, if one of your parents are watching the news about a trans person, then ask questions regarding how they feel about it.
You could tell them you know someone who is transgender.
This will help you on how you are going to come out to them.
If their responses are very negative, you may be taking a very serious risk.
Parents who have hatred or prejudiced ideas about trans people are very likely to respond dramatically if you come out to them.
If they are just simply uneducated about transgender people, like believing you have to be "gay to be transgender"
then try to educate them when you come out. , You will need to explain exactly why you feel you are trans.
It can be hard to come out on the phone or face-to-face, but they are options: pick the way that you feel is best.
You must educate your parents about transgender issues.
Remind yourself that your parents don't understand much about what it means to be transgender.
Your parents may have gotten their opinions from watching how the media portrays transgender people.
Your parents might come from a family where transgender people are strongly looked down on, or believe transgender people are "creepy" or "tweaked in the head".
Before you come out, review your words closely and choose your wording very carefully.
You need to imagine what a transphobic person might be thinking when you are coming out as transgender.
You can bring a supporting friend to help you on what you are going to say to your parents. (Review Step 5 on communicating with your parents.) , This can be very frightening experience, even when you feel it's the right time to come out to your parents.
It's important to relax and be confident when you come out to them.
Remind yourself why you wanted to come out to your parents.
Coming out, regardless of what you are coming out as, is a very uplifting step to take.
You are opening up about yourself.
You are revealing what/who you are inside to your own parents.
You are letting your parents learn more about you.
When you come out to your parents, you can tell them why you want to come out to them. , It would be good idea to talk to your parents in private.
Your parents are likely to be disbelieving or in denial that you are transgender.
They could blame your friends, the media, internet, certain events or even books when you come out.
They could tell you there are "rules" for transgender people to follow.
They could say you are "sick, twisted" for "deciding" on being transgender.
They could call transgender people homophobic slurs and argue that "gender identity is based on/same as sexual orientation." There are many arguments your parents might bring which you have to prepare for, so you should probably practice to argue well before you come out to your parents.
You have to work hard to explain very articulately why the misconceptions of transgender people are not true.
Learn to persuade and communicate well. , This can take months or years for your parents to accept you.
You cannot force your parents to quickly accept you for being transgender.
Your parents will go through stages of grief, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
It can take time for your parents to manage to understand that they cannot change your gender identity.
You might have to rebuild your relationship with parents by taking things slowly.
They are likely to need isolation to calm down for a while. , You might have to accept that your parents just don't understand, no matter how hard you tried.
Some parents can be so stubborn what they believe about transgender people that they refuse to listen to anyone who disagrees with them.
It's heartbreaking when parents refuse to accept or deal with the fact that their child is transgender, but it is important to remain strong and keep a positive image of yourself.
About the Author
Ashley Gonzales
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow organization tutorials.
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