How to Deal With Your Mother
Make the first move., Redirect the fear., Make choices., Forgive.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Make the first move.
You may feel justified in expecting your mother to reach out to you, but don’t be afraid to initiate contact.
Your mother may want to reach out to you but not know how, or she may share similar feelings of fearing rejection.
If you keep waiting for her to make the first move, don’t be surprised if your relationship remains stuck.Before you decide to reach out, decide what you want to discuss first, and how you want to discuss it.
Come in with a mindset of problem-solving, not accusation. -
Step 2: Redirect the fear.
Instead of internalizing anger and fear, realize that you don’t of have react.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to de-escalate this situation?” It’s not your responsibility to manage her emotions, nor is it your job to make her anger or frustration your problem.Acknowledge her emotions without taking them on by simply saying, “I can tell that you are upset.” , If your mother tries to corner you into making decisions or make you feel like you don’t have a choice, call the bluff.Remember that you always have choices, regardless of how powerless someone makes you feel.
When you reach your point of no return, be firm on not giving in.
Verbalize to your mother that you do have choices, and they are up to you to make.
Thank her for her perspective, but feel free to make your own choice. , Don’t hold onto resentment.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing her behavior, pretending a situation didn’t happen, or letting her ’off the hook’.Forgiveness allows you to free yourself from holding on to any resentment or negative feelings toward your mother.
And the sooner you are able to forgive, the faster you can begin repairing the damage. -
Step 3: Make choices.
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Step 4: Forgive.
Detailed Guide
You may feel justified in expecting your mother to reach out to you, but don’t be afraid to initiate contact.
Your mother may want to reach out to you but not know how, or she may share similar feelings of fearing rejection.
If you keep waiting for her to make the first move, don’t be surprised if your relationship remains stuck.Before you decide to reach out, decide what you want to discuss first, and how you want to discuss it.
Come in with a mindset of problem-solving, not accusation.
Instead of internalizing anger and fear, realize that you don’t of have react.
Ask yourself, “What can I do to de-escalate this situation?” It’s not your responsibility to manage her emotions, nor is it your job to make her anger or frustration your problem.Acknowledge her emotions without taking them on by simply saying, “I can tell that you are upset.” , If your mother tries to corner you into making decisions or make you feel like you don’t have a choice, call the bluff.Remember that you always have choices, regardless of how powerless someone makes you feel.
When you reach your point of no return, be firm on not giving in.
Verbalize to your mother that you do have choices, and they are up to you to make.
Thank her for her perspective, but feel free to make your own choice. , Don’t hold onto resentment.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing her behavior, pretending a situation didn’t happen, or letting her ’off the hook’.Forgiveness allows you to free yourself from holding on to any resentment or negative feelings toward your mother.
And the sooner you are able to forgive, the faster you can begin repairing the damage.
About the Author
Stephen Fox
Writer and educator with a focus on practical home improvement knowledge.
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