How to Discipline a Child Effectively Without Spanking
Choose not to spank., Tell your family and friends., Learn about childhood development (see links below)., Try varying techniques., Find support websites to help you out., Keep at it., Review the results Review your child's latest behaviors...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Choose not to spank.
This may seem obvious, but there is a world of difference between choosing to spank under certain circumstances and declaring to yourself and others that you will never spank your children. -
Step 2: Tell your family and friends.
The best way to promote non-spanking discipline is to let others see your child's good behavior.
Provide your family with alternative methods of discipline if you feel somebody else may spank them. , If you know what your child can feasibly understand at any given age, and how they process information, you will be better prepared to know when discipline is necessary and when it's best to just ignore certain behaviors. , Some may work better for you and your child than others.
Natural Consequences.
The basic concept behind this method is to let nature run its course when appropriate.
Some examples:
If your child leaves his toy outside it may get lost or ruined.
If your child leaves his umbrella at school, he will get wet the next time it rains.
If your child forgets her lunch, she goes hungry until she gets home.
Logical Consequences.
Provide a logical consequence when there is no natural consequence (as in the case of sibling A breaking sibling B's toy when sibling B is far younger) or when the natural consequence can be too dangerous (such as the case of a child trying to run out in the middle of the road).
Tell your child what the consequences are for continued bad behavior.
Missing out on things, such as a bedtime story for very young children, or a planned activity for an older child, can often be worse than a smack.
Distraction.
With toddlers and young pre-schoolers, distraction can be an effective tool in redirecting attention from something that they want to do (that is inappropriate) to something that is appropriate.
For example, if a child wants to jump on the lounge, suggest going outside and jumping on the trampoline (to allow them to jump appropriately)or going for a walk to the park (fulfilling the desire to be physically active), or even something completely unrelated like making playdough (this can be less effective if the child wants to physically unwind).
You can use alternatives for anything inappropriate/undesirable that the child wants to do or have and the closer your alternative is to what they are wanting, the more likely you are to succeed in changing their focus.
The key is to make the distraction sound as enticing and exciting as possible (and don't draw attention to the undesired activity/object
- you are trying to make them forget about that!).
Positive Discipline.
A technique that sees misbehavior as an opportunity for teaching new behaviors. (After your child has learned her toy is ruined, you could show her how to organize her things.) Also includes setting positive examples in the way you, the parent, act, and eliminating negative language.
So instead of (or in addition to) saying, "don't do that"
provide some direction by saying, "Why don't you do this instead." The Reward System.
Intended as a supplement for other methods of discipline, the reward system relies on you going out of your way to praise positive behavior (for example, thank your child for helping with something, comment on how nice and quiet your child has been for the last half hour, etc.).
It's very easy to overlook when your child is being good, but it is generally all the times he or she is not being bad.
The Point System.
Give points for good behavior and take away points for bad behavior.
In some households, accumulated "points" are traded in for rewards.
In others, privileges are based on behavior, and dropping below a certain point level may cause a loss of privileges.
Be careful that the child doesn't start to do things only for the points rather than because it's a nice thing to do.
Combine the techniques or create new ones that work for you. , Project NoSpank (www.nospank.net) and the Center for Effective Discipline (www.stophitting.com) have some very helpful information for people who would like alternatives to spanking.
Be sure to read How to Discipline a Child for other ideas. , If you are used to spanking, no-spank techniques can take time to get used to. , -
Step 3: Learn about childhood development (see links below).
-
Step 4: Try varying techniques.
-
Step 5: Find support websites to help you out.
-
Step 6: Keep at it.
-
Step 7: Review the results Review your child's latest behaviors
-
Step 8: consider what is working and what is not working
-
Step 9: and adjust your techniques.
Detailed Guide
This may seem obvious, but there is a world of difference between choosing to spank under certain circumstances and declaring to yourself and others that you will never spank your children.
The best way to promote non-spanking discipline is to let others see your child's good behavior.
Provide your family with alternative methods of discipline if you feel somebody else may spank them. , If you know what your child can feasibly understand at any given age, and how they process information, you will be better prepared to know when discipline is necessary and when it's best to just ignore certain behaviors. , Some may work better for you and your child than others.
Natural Consequences.
The basic concept behind this method is to let nature run its course when appropriate.
Some examples:
If your child leaves his toy outside it may get lost or ruined.
If your child leaves his umbrella at school, he will get wet the next time it rains.
If your child forgets her lunch, she goes hungry until she gets home.
Logical Consequences.
Provide a logical consequence when there is no natural consequence (as in the case of sibling A breaking sibling B's toy when sibling B is far younger) or when the natural consequence can be too dangerous (such as the case of a child trying to run out in the middle of the road).
Tell your child what the consequences are for continued bad behavior.
Missing out on things, such as a bedtime story for very young children, or a planned activity for an older child, can often be worse than a smack.
Distraction.
With toddlers and young pre-schoolers, distraction can be an effective tool in redirecting attention from something that they want to do (that is inappropriate) to something that is appropriate.
For example, if a child wants to jump on the lounge, suggest going outside and jumping on the trampoline (to allow them to jump appropriately)or going for a walk to the park (fulfilling the desire to be physically active), or even something completely unrelated like making playdough (this can be less effective if the child wants to physically unwind).
You can use alternatives for anything inappropriate/undesirable that the child wants to do or have and the closer your alternative is to what they are wanting, the more likely you are to succeed in changing their focus.
The key is to make the distraction sound as enticing and exciting as possible (and don't draw attention to the undesired activity/object
- you are trying to make them forget about that!).
Positive Discipline.
A technique that sees misbehavior as an opportunity for teaching new behaviors. (After your child has learned her toy is ruined, you could show her how to organize her things.) Also includes setting positive examples in the way you, the parent, act, and eliminating negative language.
So instead of (or in addition to) saying, "don't do that"
provide some direction by saying, "Why don't you do this instead." The Reward System.
Intended as a supplement for other methods of discipline, the reward system relies on you going out of your way to praise positive behavior (for example, thank your child for helping with something, comment on how nice and quiet your child has been for the last half hour, etc.).
It's very easy to overlook when your child is being good, but it is generally all the times he or she is not being bad.
The Point System.
Give points for good behavior and take away points for bad behavior.
In some households, accumulated "points" are traded in for rewards.
In others, privileges are based on behavior, and dropping below a certain point level may cause a loss of privileges.
Be careful that the child doesn't start to do things only for the points rather than because it's a nice thing to do.
Combine the techniques or create new ones that work for you. , Project NoSpank (www.nospank.net) and the Center for Effective Discipline (www.stophitting.com) have some very helpful information for people who would like alternatives to spanking.
Be sure to read How to Discipline a Child for other ideas. , If you are used to spanking, no-spank techniques can take time to get used to. ,
About the Author
Frances Edwards
Specializes in breaking down complex home improvement topics into simple steps.
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