How to Discipline Your Kids As Divorced Parents

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Keep the rules relatively stable.

   A divorce can upend children’s lives.
   
   If you introduce a bunch of new, extremely restrictive (or extremely lax) rules following a divorce, you’ll only add to their stress, confusion, and unhappiness.
   
   Once your divorce is finalized, carry over as many of the rules as possible from the time before you and your spouse divorced.If you do decide to change a rule, then make sure that you evaluate your reasons for the rule change.
   
   For example, if you decide to change your child's bedtime, then consider whether you are changing the bedtime because your child is getting older, or if you are changing the bedtime to be the “cool” parent.
2. 2

   Step 2: Be flexible when developing rules with your ex.

   You and your ex might not agree on all the rules.
   
   Even many parents who are not divorced often disagree on the rules for their kids.
   
   But think about each rule carefully and recognize the difference between an important rule (like “No playing near the street by yourself”) and a trivial rule (like “No television after 8:00”).
   
   Let your ex know that you expect consistency with these more serious rules.
   
   Learn to compromise on rules that don’t directly affect your child’s health and well-being., If you allow your kids to do something that your ex doesn’t allow (or vice versa), they will come to resent the parent who restricts their freedom.
   
   Being consistent between households is also important to avoid confusion for your kids.Talk to your ex about specific rules for your kids that you believe you should both share between households.
   
   Ask your ex if they have any suggestions for rules, too.
   
   Listen to their ideas and implement the rules in your own household if you agree. , Not only should expectations and privileges be the same for your kids no matter where they are, but they should also get rewarded the same way.
   
   So if your ex brings your kids back in the evening and says he or she promised them they could stay up a bit late tonight because they helped clean up the house, you should honor that.
   
   Likewise, if your ex informs you that your child has been naughty and therefore is not permitted television for the rest of the day, let your child know that their behavior has consequences in your house, too., It’s easy to give in to a child’s complaints.
   
   But if you do, your kids will only push you for more and more leeway on the rules.
   
   Soon enough, they’ll be in control, and that’s a situation you don’t want to be in.
   
   Be firm, clear, and consistent when applying the rules and administering discipline.Whether you want to make them happy or just want them to stop nagging, you’ll probably have moments of weakness and give in to their child.
   
   But you should try to limit these occasions as much as possible, and let your kids know that you’re making a special exception.
   
   This way, they will understand that they should not expect you to agree to, for instance, staying up late or watching an extra hour of TV every time they ask for it.
   
   Make sure that the things you give in to are acceptable.
   
   For example, if you have a “no soda” rule, then allowing your child to have a cola on the weekend might be acceptable.
   
   However, allowing your child to skip doing their homework would not be an acceptable thing to give in to your child about. , If you and your ex are not on good terms, or are tense around each other, your kids will notice.
   
   And if you criticize your ex directly to your kids, they will definitely notice.
   
   They might repeat these criticisms to your ex, causing the relationship between you to deteriorate.
   
   When you and your ex aren’t getting along, it can be difficult to coordinate child care, including disciplinary issues.If you find your ex really repulsive, spend as little time around them as possible.
   
   Call them if you need to talk, and wait until your kids are out of earshot.
   
   Always be polite to your ex, even if they aren’t polite to you.
3. 3

   Step 3: Apply consistent discipline between households.

4. 4

   Step 4: Follow through with discipline between households.

5. 5

   Step 5: Be consistent within your household.

6. 6

   Step 6: Maintain a positive relationship with your ex.

Detailed Guide

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