How to Explain Miscarriage to Children

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Plan what you want to say.

   This will be a difficult, but important conversation.
   
   You may want to take some time to carefully consider what you want to say to your child.
   
   You might be emotional when breaking the news, so it can be useful to have an idea of what you want to say.Decide if you want to bring faith into the conversation.
   
   If you are a religious person, you may choose to explain that the baby went to heaven.
   
   Remember that children can't always understand complex concepts.
   
   It is best to keep your explanation simple.
   
   You might try saying, "The baby wasn't healthy, so he wasn't able to keep living." Decide whether or not you want to use the words "death" or "dead".
2. 2

   Step 2: Choose the right time.

   Children are very sensitive to moods and emotions.
   
   Even a small child can tell when you are sad or upset.
   
   Try to find a time to tell your child about the miscarriage as soon as you are feeling up to it.Pick a time when your child will have the best attention span.
   
   For example, you may not want to broach the subject when he is hungry or getting ready to head to school.
   
   Make sure that you will have plenty of time to talk.
   
   Your child might have lots of questions, so it's a good idea to have this discussion when you have time to answer them.
   
   Explain to your child that you want to have an important discussion.
   
   You can try saying, "Tom, I need to talk to you about something really important.
   
   Do you have time to sit down and talk to me?"
   
   When you are deciding how to tell a child about your miscarriage, it is important to take your child's age into account.
   
   You will want to base your words and explanation on their comprehension level.
   
   For example, your preschooler might not have a grasp on what it means to die.Be honest and direct with a young child.
   
   Keep your words simple.
   
   You don't need to offer any medical explanations.
   
   Try to avoid saying that you "lost" the baby.
   
   Your child might think you simply misplaced the baby, and could find it later.
   
   Your child could also worry that he might get lost, too.
   
   It's usually best not to say, "The baby feel asleep and didn't wake up." This could cause your young child to develop a fear of going to sleep.
   
   You could try saying, "Remember how mommy was pregnant? Something happened to the baby and it could not live.
   
   So that baby is not going to come to live with us."
   
   You can be a little more specific when you are talking to an older child.
   
   By the age of 8 or 9, most kids will have a pretty clear understanding of death.
   
   Teenagers can understand death the same way that adults do.It is still best to be direct and honest.
   
   You can try saying, "Susan, I had a miscarriage.
   
   The baby died." Older children might have even more questions for you than younger children.
   
   Be ready to address what, specifically, happened.
   
   If the doctor doesn't know what caused the miscarriage, you can share that information.
   
   Allow your children to comfort you.
   
   Your child may want to offer you comfort and support.
   
   You can say, "Yes, thank you, a hug would be wonderful right now."
   
   After a miscarriage, you may be feeling a wide range of emotions.
   
   Remember that is completely normal.
   
   If you think it would help, consider having someone there to support you when you talk to your child.
   
   It might give you some comfort during a difficult conversation.A younger child might respond well to having someone else in the room.
   
   You might become very emotional, which can sometimes frighten small children.
   
   Ask a close, trusted friend to be with you.
   
   You could say, "Ann, I have to tell the kids about my miscarriage.
   
   Would you mind being there, just to support me and them?" A grandparent or other family member might be another good choice.
   
   You might explain, "Mom, I have to have a tough talk with Amy.
   
   Could you be there to help me answer her questions?"
3. 3

   Step 3: Talk to your younger child.

4. 4

   Step 4: Break the news to an older child.

5. 5

   Step 5: Have a support system.

Detailed Guide

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