How to Forgive an Abusive Parent
Decide on the method of contact., Address the abuse., Let them talk., Extend your forgiveness.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Decide on the method of contact.
Prepare yourself to have a conversation with your parent about the abuse.
Don’t attempt to have this conversation in person if you feel unsafe around your parent.
If your parent has been physically abusive in the past, consider calling them or sending an email instead.
If you think your parent will be defensive or evasive about the topic, you might also choose to contact them indirectly through another method. -
Step 2: Address the abuse.
Clear the air with your parent by bringing up the abuse with them.
Tell them how you feel about it and how it affected you.You could open the conversation by saying something like, “Dad, I need to talk to you about something.
It’s always really hurt me when you put me down and call me names.
I want to have a better relationship with you in the future, but I need you to stop treating me this way.” , Once you have stated your feelings about the abuse, give your parent the chance to say something.
Actively listen to what they have to say.
Allow them an opportunity to apologize or to start making amends.Of course, nothing can make up for an abusive past, but give your parent the benefit of the doubt if they try to make amends with you.
Just because your previous relationship was soured, doesn't mean the future has to be the same. , Forgiveness isn't simply for the sake of your parent--it's also necessary so that you can move on from the past.
If you find your parent is making a genuine effort in the present, strive to forgive them for their past faults.You might say, "I will never completely understand why you did what you did.
But, I want to move on from there.
I don't want the past to hold me down forever.
I forgive you, and I would like us to work on having a positive relationship in the future." -
Step 3: Let them talk.
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Step 4: Extend your forgiveness.
Detailed Guide
Prepare yourself to have a conversation with your parent about the abuse.
Don’t attempt to have this conversation in person if you feel unsafe around your parent.
If your parent has been physically abusive in the past, consider calling them or sending an email instead.
If you think your parent will be defensive or evasive about the topic, you might also choose to contact them indirectly through another method.
Clear the air with your parent by bringing up the abuse with them.
Tell them how you feel about it and how it affected you.You could open the conversation by saying something like, “Dad, I need to talk to you about something.
It’s always really hurt me when you put me down and call me names.
I want to have a better relationship with you in the future, but I need you to stop treating me this way.” , Once you have stated your feelings about the abuse, give your parent the chance to say something.
Actively listen to what they have to say.
Allow them an opportunity to apologize or to start making amends.Of course, nothing can make up for an abusive past, but give your parent the benefit of the doubt if they try to make amends with you.
Just because your previous relationship was soured, doesn't mean the future has to be the same. , Forgiveness isn't simply for the sake of your parent--it's also necessary so that you can move on from the past.
If you find your parent is making a genuine effort in the present, strive to forgive them for their past faults.You might say, "I will never completely understand why you did what you did.
But, I want to move on from there.
I don't want the past to hold me down forever.
I forgive you, and I would like us to work on having a positive relationship in the future."
About the Author
Debra Clark
Creates helpful guides on lifestyle to inspire and educate readers.
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