How to Foster Parent with Respect

Step-by-Step Guide

1. 1

   Step 1: Let friends and family know

   This way, when it's time for introductions you can introduce them by name, not family ranking.
   
   Do not say something like "These are my real kids, Gina, Donna, and Gary." The foster kids may not be your biological children, but they are very real.
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   Step 2: in advance

   Don't give the "real" kids rewards, such as payment for good report cards and chores, and treat the foster children as if their grades don't count or their physical services is expected.
   
   You have the power of letting them know that you care enough to have expectations! Remember, these are children who are going through a traumatic change, not leeches who owe you physical labor to earn their keep. , Don't talk negatively about their parents to them, or in front of them.
   
   This creates shame and embarrassment. , Don't act like you are doing them a favor by allowing them to be in your home. , Don't hold them to higher standards than your "real" children.
   
   Kids lie, steal, and disobey.
   
   Don't make them feel damaged because they act out. , Their presence during trips to the bank, grocery store, and paying bills is monumental to their ability to live independently on their own.
   
   Show them how to make a grocery list, clip coupons, and manage a bank account. , It hurts.
   
   Include them, or don't be a foster parent. , Don't talk about what the county is paying you because chances are, you aren't getting a county check for your "real" kids.
   
   Celebrate the child as they deserve to be celebrated! , Do not become a foster parent because of the tax free stipend. , Do not expect a hurt child to walk in and always act grateful.
   
   They are scared, and most likely don't trust that adults will do the right thing.
   
   They are most likely confused and not understanding what is going to happen to them in the next couple of hours, let alone couple of weeks. , We make mistakes with our children, so why wouldn't you do or say the wrong thing in this new living situation? However, DO give yourself permission to apologize and let your foster child know that you are a human who makes mistakes, but cares enough for that child to fix them. , Just because they are quiet, timid, or loud and defensive, doesn't mean they don't understand what is going on.
   
   Help them remember how fair you were, and compassionate, and respectful!
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   Step 3: that you are welcoming a new child into your family and that you expect them to treat them equally.

4. 4

   Step 4: Treat them equally and provide the same incentives.

5. 5

   Step 5: Let them know that their parents loved them to the best of their ability.

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   Step 6: Act as if you made a choice to support them by providing a safe and loving home.

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   Step 7: Let them know that they are normal

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   Step 8: and that you will have normal expectations and consequences for them.

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   Step 9: Teach them life skills.

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    Step 10: Don't ask them to step out of family pictures.

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    Step 11: Don't buy your "real" kids expensive gifts for birthdays and holidays and give generic and insulting gifts to your foster children.

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    Step 12: Become a foster parent because you realize that a foster child is in desperate need of food

13. 13

    Step 13: clothing

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    Step 14: shelter

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    Step 15: as well as love

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    Step 16: consistency

17. 17

    Step 17: expectations

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    Step 18: and to be treated fairly!

19. 19

    Step 19: Give your foster child time to transition

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    Step 20: and trust

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    Step 21: without taking their pain

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    Step 22: tragedy

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    Step 23: and mistrust personally.

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    Step 24: Don't expect perfection from yourself.

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    Step 25: Don't underestimate the intelligence and raw emotion hiding in your foster child.

Detailed Guide

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