How to Give Your Teen Constructive Criticism

Step-by-Step Guide

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   Step 1: Don’t be afraid to offer feedback.

   Many parents and guardians are hesitant to offer constructive criticism to their teens.
   
   This is counterproductive as feedback helps teens grow into stronger, smarter adults.
   
   Your teen will be more receptive to feedback if it is a normal part of their lives., Teenagers are at an age when they are beginning to question everything and they want to know why certain things are required of them.
   
   Therefore, offering your teen an explanation may help them to understand why you are asking them to do something differently and to see why the request is important.
   
   Try saying something like, "I know it's a drag to have to do chores, but I need you to do the dishes every night.
   
   I can't do all of the house work alone and your help goes a long way."
   
   Rather than framing feedback in terms of “you,” try using “I” instead.
   
   Using an “I” statement will make your teen feel less defensive as the statement is about you instead of them.
   
   This can help teens become more open to constructive criticism.Instead of saying, “You should really work on being more optimistic,” try saying, “I really enjoy the optimistic side of your personality.” Don’t say, “You make me so angry when you leave your socks on the stairs!” Instead try, “I get upset when you leave your socks on stairs.
   
   Can you work on putting them in the laundry room instead?” , Instead of criticizing their character, instead offer criticism of the behavior or a decision the teen made.
   
   Criticizing a teen’s character will foster self-doubt, or even self-loathing.
   
   This can be particularly harmful to a teen’s mental health.Don’t say, “You are a complete slob.
   
   Clean your room!” Instead try saying, “I know you are busy with school and soccer practice, but I need you to make keeping your room clean a priority.” Avoid saying things like, “You’re the most irresponsible member of this family!” Instead try saying, “I am very upset that you neglected to pick your sister up after school today.
   
   I need you to work on being a responsible member of this family.” , Instead of pointing out negative behavior in the present, ask your teen to change her actions the next time around.
   
   This method of constructive criticism will go a lot further than simply criticizing your teen’s present behavior.Don’t say, “You need to stop leaving the front door open!” Instead try saying, “In the future I need you to close the door behind you when you take the dog out.” Avoid saying, “I can’t believe you spent the night drinking with friends.
   
   You need to sober up now!” Instead try saying, “I am extremely disappointed you chose to drink.
   
   I advise you to make better decisions in the future.
   
   We will discuss the repercussions of your actions tomorrow morning.” , Teens are under immense pressure from their peers, the media, and even their own parents to look a certain way.
   
   Criticizing your teen’s body and appearance can cause damage mentally and physically, even leading to serious medical conditions such as anorexia.For example, try building your daughter’s self-esteem by taking her out for a new haircut, makeup, or clothes that flatter her body type.
   
   You could say, “Amy, it’s been a while since I’ve taken you to get your hair done.
   
   Do you want to make an appointment for next week?” Instead of making comments about your son’s acne, take him shopping for some new skin care products the next time you head out for your own.
   
   Try saying, “Mike, I’m heading to the mall tomorrow night to grab some new moisturizer.
   
   I heard they had a new line of men’s skincare products.
   
   Do you want to come with me to check it out?" Try cooking healthy dinners together as a family rather than criticizing your teen’s weight.
   
   You could say, “I’m not feeling very healthy lately because we’ve been eating out too much.
   
   Do you want to help me plan some healthy dinners we can all enjoy as a family?” , Comparison is never a good strategy for offering constructive criticism.
   
   When you compare your teen to someone else, you are fostering feelings of inadequacy, which can have long reaching negative effects.
   
   Instead, focus on your teen, their behavior, and the things they might be able to improve.Instead of saying, “Alan, I wish you could be respectful like your brother,” try saying, “Alan, I really want you to work on having more respect for your grandparents.” , Don’t criticize your teen in front of their friends.
   
   Your teenager is more likely to respect your criticism if it is offered from a place of kindness and concern, and not in the company of others, which can lead to embarrassment and shame.
   
   You should also refrain from constructive criticism when your teen is emotionally overwhelmed.
   
   Take some time to talk to your teen when no one else is around.
   
   Try saying, “Andrea, I am concerned about your grades but didn’t want to mention it in front of your friends.
   
   Can we sit down and talk about it one-on-one?” If your teen is having an emotionally difficult day, is dealing with personal drama, or is overwhelmed with academic obligations, it is probably not the best time to offer feedback.
   
   Instead opt for a time when they are having a good day.
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   Step 2: Offer an explanation.

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   Step 3: Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

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   Step 4: Don’t attack your teen’s character.

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   Step 5: Request a change in future behavior.

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   Step 6: Never criticize your teen about their body or appearance.

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   Step 7: Don’t compare your teen to their peers or siblings.

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   Step 8: Choose the right time to offer constructive criticism.

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