How to Ground Your Child
Decide with your partner on the why, when, how, and what of the grounding before you tell your child they are grounded., Decide if a grounding is an appropriate punishment, The punishment should always reflect the misdemeanour., Set out what you...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Decide with your partner on the why
Do so at a time when you are calm and thinking clearly. -
Step 2: and what of the grounding before you tell your child they are grounded.
Therefore, grounding from social activities is appropriate if your child has broken their curfew, behaved badly when out with friends etc. , Are you removing privileges, adding extra chores, giving an earlier curfew or only allowing your child out of the house or yard for supervised outing or not at all? Decide what you consider appropriate and practical and define the boundaries clearly for your child. , Give your child the opportunity to do as you wish by explaining what you expect and only giving terms that they can manage. , If you can't be sure that set tasks are carried out or a removed privilege is not availed of behind your back change the punishment for something that you can implement.
You could keep a mobile phone in your handbag or in a press at work, for example, or expect the dinner prepared for when you get home.
The transparency achieved will keep relations between you and your child open and calm and prevent the punishment from being undermined. , Make the action and the positive consequence very clear from the start.
Ultimately, helping people less fortunate or washing a floor will teach your child good behaviours; sulking in their room will only breed resentment. , Giving the punishment whilst you are sulking or out of control with anger is counter-productive.
If you are calm and level-headed whilst implementing the grounding your child will see that their behaviour was not infuriating, it was incorrect.
They will understand that you're not totally unreasonable and taking your anger out on them but that you have reasonable expectations and limits and ultimately you want them to learn to correct the behaviour. , An unclear timeframe makes it seem like you are relenting or giving up when you lift the grounding. , Three weekends or one week is the very maximum for a tween or teenager. , Do not prevent your child from attending any school activities, including the extra-curricular, unless this is the direct cause of the problem.
Removing them from a serious sports teams (losing a place on a squad could be a real possibility and is unlikely to be your ultimate aim), extra-curricular classes or religious activities should be avoided if possible. , These tasks should be clearly defined as efforts to reduce the length of the grounding beforehand and you should explain how you want the task done, what standard you expect and exactly what the exchange will be.
Give them a little leeway if you feel they have given it their best shot. , Adjust the punishments to suit what you know you can enforce. , This should be the TV time you ban, not 'all TV'
something you can never hope to enforce if the child is unsupervised. , If you choose to implement this, make a list of the jobs and talk through them with your child.
Prepare your child to succeed, not to fail. , It will only breed bad feeling and undermine the punishment.
A privilege which has been banned but which they can access will often pose too great a temptation if they know they won't be caught.
It's asking for arguments and upset. , In this way you will understand what caused the undesirable behaviour and how to prevent its re-occurrence.
Guide them towards seeing the fault in their reasoning, if any, and discuss it together.
Explain how the behaviour made you feel and why the behaviour is not acceptable. , If voices begin to rise, check yourself before reminding your child to use a conversational tone, reminding them that you are listening and you hear what they are saying. , Suggest a middle ground that accommodates both of you, if appropriate. -
Step 3: Decide if a grounding is an appropriate punishment
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Step 4: The punishment should always reflect the misdemeanour.
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Step 5: Set out what you consider a grounding to entail.
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Step 6: Remember why you are grounding your child - to discipline him/her and to teach them a better behaviour.
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Step 7: Remove any opportunities for deceit and dishonesty.
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Step 8: Allow your child to earn time off by good behaviour or by completing set tasks.
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Step 9: Keep calm and positive.
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Step 10: Set out a clear time frame.
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Step 11: A day should be the absolute maximum length of time for a grounding for a child between the ages of six to ten.
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Step 12: Do not discourage positive behaviours or hobbies.
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Step 13: Consider time off or reducing the length of the grounding for good behaviour Allow older children and teenagers the chance to alleviate the severity of the punishment by completing set tasks
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Step 14: such as housework or volunteer work.
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Step 15: Make sure that you and your partner can supervise the grounding for the duration.
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Step 16: Perhaps you are home while their favorite TV series airs.
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Step 17: You could expect certain chores to be done between their arrival home from school and your arrival home from work
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Step 18: the workload calculated make sure they will have to be home at a certain time in order to get everything done on time.
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Step 19: Don't give a child the opportunity to deceive you.
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Step 20: Ask your child for and listen to an explanation of why she/he did that which merited a grounding.
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Step 21: Choose a time when you are both calm and have some time to spare.
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Step 22: Ask their opinion on how they can avoid a recurrence of the event.
Detailed Guide
Do so at a time when you are calm and thinking clearly.
Therefore, grounding from social activities is appropriate if your child has broken their curfew, behaved badly when out with friends etc. , Are you removing privileges, adding extra chores, giving an earlier curfew or only allowing your child out of the house or yard for supervised outing or not at all? Decide what you consider appropriate and practical and define the boundaries clearly for your child. , Give your child the opportunity to do as you wish by explaining what you expect and only giving terms that they can manage. , If you can't be sure that set tasks are carried out or a removed privilege is not availed of behind your back change the punishment for something that you can implement.
You could keep a mobile phone in your handbag or in a press at work, for example, or expect the dinner prepared for when you get home.
The transparency achieved will keep relations between you and your child open and calm and prevent the punishment from being undermined. , Make the action and the positive consequence very clear from the start.
Ultimately, helping people less fortunate or washing a floor will teach your child good behaviours; sulking in their room will only breed resentment. , Giving the punishment whilst you are sulking or out of control with anger is counter-productive.
If you are calm and level-headed whilst implementing the grounding your child will see that their behaviour was not infuriating, it was incorrect.
They will understand that you're not totally unreasonable and taking your anger out on them but that you have reasonable expectations and limits and ultimately you want them to learn to correct the behaviour. , An unclear timeframe makes it seem like you are relenting or giving up when you lift the grounding. , Three weekends or one week is the very maximum for a tween or teenager. , Do not prevent your child from attending any school activities, including the extra-curricular, unless this is the direct cause of the problem.
Removing them from a serious sports teams (losing a place on a squad could be a real possibility and is unlikely to be your ultimate aim), extra-curricular classes or religious activities should be avoided if possible. , These tasks should be clearly defined as efforts to reduce the length of the grounding beforehand and you should explain how you want the task done, what standard you expect and exactly what the exchange will be.
Give them a little leeway if you feel they have given it their best shot. , Adjust the punishments to suit what you know you can enforce. , This should be the TV time you ban, not 'all TV'
something you can never hope to enforce if the child is unsupervised. , If you choose to implement this, make a list of the jobs and talk through them with your child.
Prepare your child to succeed, not to fail. , It will only breed bad feeling and undermine the punishment.
A privilege which has been banned but which they can access will often pose too great a temptation if they know they won't be caught.
It's asking for arguments and upset. , In this way you will understand what caused the undesirable behaviour and how to prevent its re-occurrence.
Guide them towards seeing the fault in their reasoning, if any, and discuss it together.
Explain how the behaviour made you feel and why the behaviour is not acceptable. , If voices begin to rise, check yourself before reminding your child to use a conversational tone, reminding them that you are listening and you hear what they are saying. , Suggest a middle ground that accommodates both of you, if appropriate.
About the Author
Joshua Russell
Committed to making crafts accessible and understandable for everyone.
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