How to Help a Pregnant Teen Friend
Explore her choices., Listen to her as she decides what to do., Support her as she tells her parents., Withhold your judgment.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Explore her choices.
Talk with her about the options she has and her feelings about each of them.
Talk about each option without judgement or pressure as to what she should choose.
This is her body, her pregnancy, and she is going to be the one who has to deal with the consequences, not you.
She could decide to have an abortion.
If this is what your friend wants to do, encourage her to get to a doctor or family planning clinic as soon as possible, because there are laws limiting abortions past a certain number of weeks of pregnancy (these vary by location).
Also consider that there are parental notification requirements for minors to have an abortion in most states (if you are located in the United States).
Find your state here: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/parental-consent-notification-laws She could decide to give the baby up for adoption.
Your friend may not be ready to be a parent but not comfortable with the idea of abortion.
Her doctor or family planning clinic can help put her in touch with adoption agencies.
An agency will assign her a counselor who will help her understand the legal and emotional ramifications of her choice.She can choose to have the baby and raise it herself.
Parenting can be both emotionally rewarding and exhausting.
It is expensive to raise a child, and teen parents are more likely to be poor and have lower levels of education than their older counterparts.
She also needs to factor in the involvement of the baby’s father. -
Step 2: Listen to her as she decides what to do.
Your friend will have an important decision to make regarding what she wants to do about her pregnancy.
All three options have pros and cons and all three will likely impact her life in major ways.
This is her decision to make alone.Do not pressure her.
Do not say things like, “I really want you to keep the baby because having a baby to play with is going to be so much fun!” or “I really hope you have an abortion, because having a baby is going to ruin your life.” Do not give her advice unless she asks for it.
If she asks, you could say, “I think you will make the decision that’s best for you.
If I were in your shoes, I might decide to…” and explain your reasoning based on what you know about your friend’s situation. , More likely than not, she will need to tell her parents at some point, regardless of what option she chooses.
Offer to be there with her when she tells them, and help her figure out what she wants to say.Respect your friend’s wishes about how she would like to tell them.
Maybe she would like you there, or maybe not.
Consider offering to be nearby in case she needs you.
You could say, “While you tell your parents, I will wait outside of your house or in your bedroom.” Suggest that your friend practices telling her parents with you.
You could pretend to be her parent, and she could rehearse what she is going to say with you. , Your friend may choose a different option than you would, or than you think she should.
Accept her choice and support her.
Even though you may be close and think you know what’s best for her, understand that even close friends may not have the full picture.Keep in mind that your friend is probably still questioning her decision, so do not nag her about her choice.
Gentle questioning might be appropriate, like “If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, I’m behind you all the way,” but do not say something like, “I can’t believe you’re actually going to go through with this!” -
Step 3: Support her as she tells her parents.
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Step 4: Withhold your judgment.
Detailed Guide
Talk with her about the options she has and her feelings about each of them.
Talk about each option without judgement or pressure as to what she should choose.
This is her body, her pregnancy, and she is going to be the one who has to deal with the consequences, not you.
She could decide to have an abortion.
If this is what your friend wants to do, encourage her to get to a doctor or family planning clinic as soon as possible, because there are laws limiting abortions past a certain number of weeks of pregnancy (these vary by location).
Also consider that there are parental notification requirements for minors to have an abortion in most states (if you are located in the United States).
Find your state here: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/parental-consent-notification-laws She could decide to give the baby up for adoption.
Your friend may not be ready to be a parent but not comfortable with the idea of abortion.
Her doctor or family planning clinic can help put her in touch with adoption agencies.
An agency will assign her a counselor who will help her understand the legal and emotional ramifications of her choice.She can choose to have the baby and raise it herself.
Parenting can be both emotionally rewarding and exhausting.
It is expensive to raise a child, and teen parents are more likely to be poor and have lower levels of education than their older counterparts.
She also needs to factor in the involvement of the baby’s father.
Your friend will have an important decision to make regarding what she wants to do about her pregnancy.
All three options have pros and cons and all three will likely impact her life in major ways.
This is her decision to make alone.Do not pressure her.
Do not say things like, “I really want you to keep the baby because having a baby to play with is going to be so much fun!” or “I really hope you have an abortion, because having a baby is going to ruin your life.” Do not give her advice unless she asks for it.
If she asks, you could say, “I think you will make the decision that’s best for you.
If I were in your shoes, I might decide to…” and explain your reasoning based on what you know about your friend’s situation. , More likely than not, she will need to tell her parents at some point, regardless of what option she chooses.
Offer to be there with her when she tells them, and help her figure out what she wants to say.Respect your friend’s wishes about how she would like to tell them.
Maybe she would like you there, or maybe not.
Consider offering to be nearby in case she needs you.
You could say, “While you tell your parents, I will wait outside of your house or in your bedroom.” Suggest that your friend practices telling her parents with you.
You could pretend to be her parent, and she could rehearse what she is going to say with you. , Your friend may choose a different option than you would, or than you think she should.
Accept her choice and support her.
Even though you may be close and think you know what’s best for her, understand that even close friends may not have the full picture.Keep in mind that your friend is probably still questioning her decision, so do not nag her about her choice.
Gentle questioning might be appropriate, like “If you’re sure that’s what you want to do, I’m behind you all the way,” but do not say something like, “I can’t believe you’re actually going to go through with this!”
About the Author
Logan Cox
With a background in education and learning, Logan Cox brings 10 years of hands-on experience to every article. Logan believes in making complex topics accessible to everyone.
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