How to Help Your Daughter Deal With Being Raped
Tell your daughter you love her., Tell your daughter that she is not responsible., Get a professional in sexual victimization available to answer honest questions about this issue., Be ready to talk about the assault, but don't force her to., When...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Tell your daughter you love her.
Make sure she understands that you will love and support her through any tough time in her life, including this one.
Be there for her in every way that you can.
Offer her support and affection, and remind her that your love is unconditional.
It's important that she know that her family will be there for her 100% throughout her recovery. -
Step 2: Tell your daughter that she is not responsible.
Help her understand that rape is a crime of violence, and there is nothing she can do to "bring it upon herself." All responsibility for the crime belongs to her rapist; it was not her fault and she should not feel guilty about it. , Having your daughter listen to honest answers to good questions will help her gain control and reduce confusion. , Let your daughter come to you when she's ready.
If she expresses a desire to talk about the assault, be prepared to do so.
Your daughter can benefit from this if it is her decision to talk.
It will help her understand that you support her, and it can help her come to terms with what happened.
But don't make her open up before she's ready to talk. , It is normal for a parent to react strongly when a child has been victimized.
But your daughter does not want to upset or disappoint you and if she sees you are upset she may regret talking about the attack.
Tell her that you are sad that this happened, but reinforce that she did the right thing to tell you.
This presents an opportunity to demonstrate a positive way of dealing with emotions.
Do not react violently.
It is normal to want to lash out and seek revenge, particularly if the perpetrator's identity is known.
Your daughter was the victim of a crime of violence, she will not want to see more violence in your reaction. , There are many reasons why a child may tell someone other than her parent.
It is a good sign that your daughter is telling someone.
Most victims do not.
Support that communication and be ready to listen when she is ready to talk to you. , As her parent, it's your job to love and support her unconditionally.
Treating her harshly or suggesting that she is in some way at fault will make her feel victimized by the person who is most supposed to support her.
Don't even let thoughts of judgment or blame cross your mind. , It may be difficult for her to avoid feeling guilty.
However, it is important to support her and help her work towards accepting that it was not her fault. , Try not to be overly protective.
Let her rights involving school, dating, friends, and household chores remain the same.
Her recovery will be more difficult if she is overprotected and oversensitive to normal situations, whereas returning to her old routine can help her recover. , Your daughter and you as a parent have no reason to feel shame.
Her true friends will be understanding and supportive.
You should encourage her to lean on her friends for support.
The more she is surrounded by people who love her unconditionally, the better. , Talk with your daughter about words and actions that will help her respond appropriately if her peers act in hurtful ways.
Discuss ways to stay safe in unfamiliar or potentially dangerous environments.
Educate her about approaching police or other authority figures if she ever feels unsafe, and make sure she can feel comfortable in future environments. , Avoid details of what happened to allow your child to maintain some autonomy: the episode is hers to share or not share as she chooses. , A good rule of thumb is to be supportive of healthy behaviors (such as trying to return to normal daily activities, or taking time to rest when emotionally drained), and to gently intervene when you notice unhealthy behaviors (self-harm, prolonged isolation, or engaging in multiple casual relationships over a short period of time). -
Step 3: Get a professional in sexual victimization available to answer honest questions about this issue.
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Step 4: Be ready to talk about the assault
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Step 5: but don't force her to.
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Step 6: When she is ready to talk
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Step 7: maintain emotional self-control.
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Step 8: If she tells someone else
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Step 9: support that decision.
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Step 10: Do not judge or punish your daughter.
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Step 11: Reassure her that she is not responsible for the incident.
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Step 12: Encourage your daughter to resume her normal way of life.
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Step 13: Don't isolate your daughter from her friends.
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Step 14: Discuss ways to prevent similar experiences in the future.
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Step 15: Inform your daughter's teachers and counselors that she experienced a traumatic event
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Step 16: should her academics be slipping.
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Step 17: Work towards restoring her independence
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Step 18: self-respect
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Step 19: and overall emotional health.
Detailed Guide
Make sure she understands that you will love and support her through any tough time in her life, including this one.
Be there for her in every way that you can.
Offer her support and affection, and remind her that your love is unconditional.
It's important that she know that her family will be there for her 100% throughout her recovery.
Help her understand that rape is a crime of violence, and there is nothing she can do to "bring it upon herself." All responsibility for the crime belongs to her rapist; it was not her fault and she should not feel guilty about it. , Having your daughter listen to honest answers to good questions will help her gain control and reduce confusion. , Let your daughter come to you when she's ready.
If she expresses a desire to talk about the assault, be prepared to do so.
Your daughter can benefit from this if it is her decision to talk.
It will help her understand that you support her, and it can help her come to terms with what happened.
But don't make her open up before she's ready to talk. , It is normal for a parent to react strongly when a child has been victimized.
But your daughter does not want to upset or disappoint you and if she sees you are upset she may regret talking about the attack.
Tell her that you are sad that this happened, but reinforce that she did the right thing to tell you.
This presents an opportunity to demonstrate a positive way of dealing with emotions.
Do not react violently.
It is normal to want to lash out and seek revenge, particularly if the perpetrator's identity is known.
Your daughter was the victim of a crime of violence, she will not want to see more violence in your reaction. , There are many reasons why a child may tell someone other than her parent.
It is a good sign that your daughter is telling someone.
Most victims do not.
Support that communication and be ready to listen when she is ready to talk to you. , As her parent, it's your job to love and support her unconditionally.
Treating her harshly or suggesting that she is in some way at fault will make her feel victimized by the person who is most supposed to support her.
Don't even let thoughts of judgment or blame cross your mind. , It may be difficult for her to avoid feeling guilty.
However, it is important to support her and help her work towards accepting that it was not her fault. , Try not to be overly protective.
Let her rights involving school, dating, friends, and household chores remain the same.
Her recovery will be more difficult if she is overprotected and oversensitive to normal situations, whereas returning to her old routine can help her recover. , Your daughter and you as a parent have no reason to feel shame.
Her true friends will be understanding and supportive.
You should encourage her to lean on her friends for support.
The more she is surrounded by people who love her unconditionally, the better. , Talk with your daughter about words and actions that will help her respond appropriately if her peers act in hurtful ways.
Discuss ways to stay safe in unfamiliar or potentially dangerous environments.
Educate her about approaching police or other authority figures if she ever feels unsafe, and make sure she can feel comfortable in future environments. , Avoid details of what happened to allow your child to maintain some autonomy: the episode is hers to share or not share as she chooses. , A good rule of thumb is to be supportive of healthy behaviors (such as trying to return to normal daily activities, or taking time to rest when emotionally drained), and to gently intervene when you notice unhealthy behaviors (self-harm, prolonged isolation, or engaging in multiple casual relationships over a short period of time).
About the Author
Dorothy Bailey
Brings years of experience writing about lifestyle and related subjects.
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