How to Improve Your Child's Behavior
Communicate your expectations for your child’s behavior clearly., Set realistic expectations., Follow your own rules., Keep your expectations consistent for every situation., Do not negotiate your expectations with your children.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Communicate your expectations for your child’s behavior clearly.
Children need to know what you expect from them.
Sit your child down in a quiet place and explain to him/her what kinds of behaviors you want to see, using clear detail.Focus on correcting one behavior at a time.
Giving your child a long list of items for improvement can be overwhelming.
Tell him/her things like, “When you are at school, you need to listen to your teacher,” or you might say, “I do not want you to hit other children, even if they are mean to you.” -
Step 2: Set realistic expectations.
Set high expectations for your children, but not so high they are unreachable.
You want your children to have to work and think about what you expect, but they should also be able to achieve what you are asking from them.
Otherwise, they may feel like failures and suffer from reduced self-esteem.You should also make sure that your expectations are age-appropriate.Set an expectation like “I expect you to show up to class on time and be respectful to your teachers,” rather than “I expect you to be a straight-A student.” Expecting your 4-year-old to never lose his/her temper is unrealistic.
However, expecting him/her to control his/her temper and not hit other children is realistic. , Children see what you do and will tend to copy your actions and behaviors.
If they see you neglecting to follow an expectation you made, they will assume they can disregard it as well.Keep in mind that kids often learn by example.
Therefore, if you yell instead of discussing things with them, then they will probably adopt this behavior.
Or, if you do not show respect for authority figures, then your children might also demonstrate similar disrespect for their teachers, coaches, parents of their friends, or even you. , Stay strong and do not change expectation for every different situation.
Hold your children to the same standard whether they are going to school, church, or the grocery store.
Refer back to your written list of expectations before every new event to ensure both you and your child know what is expected.
For example, if you have set a “no tantrums” policy, do not give in if your child throws a tantrum in the grocery store.
Follow through with whatever consequences you have set.
If you modify your expectation to get your child to stop the bad behavior, he/she will learn that he/she can push your limits by misbehaving.
Consistency builds trust between you and your child.
It will help frame you as reliable, and strengthen the bond between the two of you.
Consistency will also help reduce the “guessing” your child might feel about how to behave in certain situations, making them more secure and likely to behave better. , You are the parent, so you must set and stick to the rules you make.
If your child argues with you, remind him/her that what is expected of him/her has been laid out, and he/she is responsible for upholding what you have discussed.For example, if you have set the expectation that your child must finish his/her homework before he/she is able to play his/her video game, you should not let him try to negotiate his/her way out of doing his/her homework.
If you give into negotiating with your children, you immediately stop being consistent.
If your children realize they can negotiate with you about what is expected of them, they will not take you or the behavioral expectations seriously.
However, it’s also important to pay attention to the situation.
For example, if your son is arguing about not brushing his/her teeth, ask him/her why he/she doesn’t want to.
You might find out that he has a loose tooth that hurts when he/she brushes it.
Many children argue when they don’t know how else to express their feelings, especially feelings of pain or frustration.Also, keep in mind that negotiation can be a positive thing when your children get older.
It can improve communication between you and your teen and make it easier to understand each other.
Allowing your teen to negotiate with you can also promote critical thinking and diplomacy, and it does not mean that you have to give in, just that you have to be willing to listen. -
Step 3: Follow your own rules.
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Step 4: Keep your expectations consistent for every situation.
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Step 5: Do not negotiate your expectations with your children.
Detailed Guide
Children need to know what you expect from them.
Sit your child down in a quiet place and explain to him/her what kinds of behaviors you want to see, using clear detail.Focus on correcting one behavior at a time.
Giving your child a long list of items for improvement can be overwhelming.
Tell him/her things like, “When you are at school, you need to listen to your teacher,” or you might say, “I do not want you to hit other children, even if they are mean to you.”
Set high expectations for your children, but not so high they are unreachable.
You want your children to have to work and think about what you expect, but they should also be able to achieve what you are asking from them.
Otherwise, they may feel like failures and suffer from reduced self-esteem.You should also make sure that your expectations are age-appropriate.Set an expectation like “I expect you to show up to class on time and be respectful to your teachers,” rather than “I expect you to be a straight-A student.” Expecting your 4-year-old to never lose his/her temper is unrealistic.
However, expecting him/her to control his/her temper and not hit other children is realistic. , Children see what you do and will tend to copy your actions and behaviors.
If they see you neglecting to follow an expectation you made, they will assume they can disregard it as well.Keep in mind that kids often learn by example.
Therefore, if you yell instead of discussing things with them, then they will probably adopt this behavior.
Or, if you do not show respect for authority figures, then your children might also demonstrate similar disrespect for their teachers, coaches, parents of their friends, or even you. , Stay strong and do not change expectation for every different situation.
Hold your children to the same standard whether they are going to school, church, or the grocery store.
Refer back to your written list of expectations before every new event to ensure both you and your child know what is expected.
For example, if you have set a “no tantrums” policy, do not give in if your child throws a tantrum in the grocery store.
Follow through with whatever consequences you have set.
If you modify your expectation to get your child to stop the bad behavior, he/she will learn that he/she can push your limits by misbehaving.
Consistency builds trust between you and your child.
It will help frame you as reliable, and strengthen the bond between the two of you.
Consistency will also help reduce the “guessing” your child might feel about how to behave in certain situations, making them more secure and likely to behave better. , You are the parent, so you must set and stick to the rules you make.
If your child argues with you, remind him/her that what is expected of him/her has been laid out, and he/she is responsible for upholding what you have discussed.For example, if you have set the expectation that your child must finish his/her homework before he/she is able to play his/her video game, you should not let him try to negotiate his/her way out of doing his/her homework.
If you give into negotiating with your children, you immediately stop being consistent.
If your children realize they can negotiate with you about what is expected of them, they will not take you or the behavioral expectations seriously.
However, it’s also important to pay attention to the situation.
For example, if your son is arguing about not brushing his/her teeth, ask him/her why he/she doesn’t want to.
You might find out that he has a loose tooth that hurts when he/she brushes it.
Many children argue when they don’t know how else to express their feelings, especially feelings of pain or frustration.Also, keep in mind that negotiation can be a positive thing when your children get older.
It can improve communication between you and your teen and make it easier to understand each other.
Allowing your teen to negotiate with you can also promote critical thinking and diplomacy, and it does not mean that you have to give in, just that you have to be willing to listen.
About the Author
Theresa Sullivan
A passionate writer with expertise in DIY projects topics. Loves sharing practical knowledge.
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