How to Potty Train a Resistant Child
Give your child space., Look at parental behavior., Use suggestion rather than command., Use routine to your advantage., Cater to their potty desires., Wait and try later., Go shopping for supplies., Set up a rewards system., Train a doll first...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Give your child space.
Your child may feel that they don’t have enough control in the situation, which is why they are resisting you.
Instead of you setting the pace, try letting your child do this.
Watch their potty habits from a distance and see if you can’t figure out why your child is resisting potty training.Observe if they will train on their own without your involvement.
If so, ask yourself why they are doing better without you and adjust your behaviors/attitudes accordingly.
They may stop visiting the potty altogether if you leave them to their own devices, but this probably means that they are not ready.
Backing off of potty training altogether might be a good idea if this happens. -
Step 2: Look at parental behavior.
Look at how you are handling potty training.
Are you irritated with how long it is taking? Any negative behavior on your part can stall the potty training process.
If you don’t like potty training, your child probably won’t either.
Instead, maintain a positive, happy attitude towards bathroom time.
Make a celebration or game out of it.
Control your response when accidents happen.
Instead of lecturing your child with irritation or chiding, act like it is not a problem. , Sometimes children resist potty training because they tend toward an independent mindset, and the commanding tone of parents makes them feel confined.
If this is your toddler, switch to suggestive words instead of commanding or directive ones.Ask your toddler questions about potty time rather than just bossing them.
Say, “Don’t you want to get on the fun potty and watch your pee-pee go bye-bye?” instead of, “Go to the bathroom now.” , Most children love routine, and the younger they are, the more they love it.
They may be resisting because they don’t know when to expect their next potty visit.
Instead of telling your child to go the bathroom, make up a bathroom schedule.
Suggest a potty break throughout the day regulated by sleeping and eating habits.Tell your child that you are going to visit the potty right after they wake up, right before they eat, right before nap, right after nap, etc.
Eventually they might remind you when it’s time for their potty break.
There are many timing products on the market, like a potty watch, a potty timer with a chime, etc., to assist with reminding children when to go to the bathroom. , Also look to yourself for how well you are accepting the things they like in the bathroom.
Your child may prefer that the water be on in the sink or tub while they are pottying, or perhaps they like the window open or to have a wad of toilet paper in their hand while they go.
If you are resisting their desires out of inconvenience to you, this may be making them resistant in return.
Pay attention to what they are asking for when in the bathroom.
If it is a reasonable request—ie, it won’t hurt them or your appliances and plumbing—give it to them.
Be sure to tell other caretakers about this preference. , In the end, if none of these tactics work, your child may be resisting simply because they aren’t ready.
Even though you are ready, you have to be aware of your child’s needs.
You may need to get the diapers back out for a few more months. , Go shopping with your child to introduce the concept of potty training to your child.
Allowing them to pick out supplies will help them feel involved and have a specific memory to mark the beginning of the process.
Let them pick out the training potty, the potty seat insert that fits on top of the adult potty, and the pattern of their new underwear. , Also called positive reinforcement, a rewards system can be a big motivator toward getting your child’s waste in the toilet.
If you haven’t tried this already, you can choose to reward your child after they use the potty with a number of things:
A song A dance A healthy but special snack A sticker A favorite activity like a TV show, coloring, an outing, etc. , Allowing children to do to their toys what you are having them do helps them feel in control.
Choose a favorite doll or stuffed animal and help your child to “potty train” that toy.
If you do this before you start potty training, this will familiarize your child with the process so that it is not foreign when you start. , Reading books about potty time can help children understand what is happening.
Some books are published with sound effects like clapping to help the child feel that potty time is a celebration.
If you select a book like this, repeat the celebration sound when your child goes to the potty themselves.Cartoons or other instructional videos for toddlers can help them associate the potty with positive thoughts.
Favorite shows like Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street have segments that focus on toilet training. , Allow your child to come to the bathroom with you or an older sibling on a regular basis.
This will show them how it is done, and help them understand that they are not alone.
It can also be a motivator because they may want to be like the adult or older sibling. , If you are going to stop diapers and start either bare bottom or training pants/underwear on a specific day, show your child a pile of last diapers.
Talk about it every time you change their diaper, and point out how the stack is shrinking.
This creates a countdown of anticipation, helping your child get excited about potty training., Try: "The Potty Movie." Some potty apps are also "Time to Potty," Babybus's "Toilet Training," and "Potty Time" by Two Little Hands., There are methods that suggest you can achieve potty training in a day.
There are strict rules about how to accomplish this, and they include training a doll first, using a rewards system, running practice drills, and acting out the proper way to do potty time right after an accident.Dr.
Phil, TV’s psychologist talk show host, recommends the fast-track method.
The method takes an average of four hours and involves a few steps.First, you show your child how to potty train with a doll.
You put a diaper on the doll, then use the doll to demonstrate what you will do wit the child, including checking to see if the diaper is dry (which gets a reward), getting the doll to drink water, then taking the doll to the bathroom, removing the diaper, and letting the doll urinate (which gets another reward).
Then the doll has an "accident," and the doll is over-corrected by carrying out the whole routine again.
You repeat this process over and over until the child understands, which takes about an hour.
Then you perform this process with the actual child, giving them things like salty snacks to induce thirst.
When their diaper is dry when they get to the toilet, they get a treat.
When they pee in the potty, they get a treat.
When they have an accident, you over correct by having them act out how they should have gone to the bathroom.
The whole system is based on rewards and overcorrection, , After your child is 30 months old, you can try a technique that involves letting your child run around the house without any clothes from the waist down (including no dresses for girls, so that sitting on the potty can be instant).
This technique means blocking off 3 days for intensive potty training and being prepared for accidents.Although this technique doesn’t have scientific backing, book authors report high success rates.Pick 3 days when both parents are available, like a weekend.
For the first day, the child may not understand what is going on, and are simply excited that they get to be naked.
When they start to eliminate, pick them up quickly and place them on the toilet to show them how it works.
The next day, you may take them outside with loose-fitting pants on (but no diaper or underwear) for an hour.
The third day, you may repeat this pants situation on a driving outing for an hour.
By the third day, the child usually understands the concept and wants to use the potty.
One downside is that the child may only be “naked” potty trained and not understand that underwear also means they should go to the potty first.
Some authors recommend keeping the bare bottom system going for three months so that the child has time to forget what a diaper feels like, and then they won’t associate underwear with going in their pants. , This technique orientates potty training around when the child is ready, not necessarily the parent.
Wait until your child shows all the signs of being ready to potty train.
If your child reacts even a little negatively, you stop the process and try again in a few days or weeks.
There is no schedule you should follow or timeline you should expect this to happen in.The signs of being ready to train include being able to follow easy directions, remaining dry for more than 2 hours during the day, being dry after a nap, having regular bowel movements, can pull down their pants, dislikes dirty diapers, and has an interest in the potty.You also want to make sure they are physically and mentally in a good place, such as not having digestive issues (like diarrhea or constipation), experiencing no new life changes, and in a cooperative (as opposed to rebellious) phase.There are a few steps to follow here.
One, pick out a potty with your child so they feel they are part of the process.
Two, show your child how to sit on the potty, fully dressed.
Three, show your child how their bowel movements can be dumped into the potty and flushed away, and how to wash their hands.
The final steps include letting your child run around without a diaper, placing the potty in an easy-access place, and making sure the child thinks that the potty is their idea, not yours., Instead of waiting until your child shows signs of being ready for potty training, show your child how to get ready a few months before you plan to focus on potty training.
This includes allowing the child to pick out their own potty seat and leaving it in a room where the child spends a lot of time.
Then gradually start taking them to the potty at particular times of day and employ other potty tactics like the reward system, letting them sit on the potty for several minutes, etc.Don’t do too many practice potty times, or your child is likely to miss the point and start to resist voiding.
Stop after one or two months.
It can take up to 6 months for this type of potty training to fully work. -
Step 3: Use suggestion rather than command.
-
Step 4: Use routine to your advantage.
-
Step 5: Cater to their potty desires.
-
Step 6: Wait and try later.
-
Step 7: Go shopping for supplies.
-
Step 8: Set up a rewards system.
-
Step 9: Train a doll first.
-
Step 10: Read books about using the potty.
-
Step 11: Let them watch others on the potty.
-
Step 12: Show them the final diapers.
-
Step 13: Let your child watch a potty movie or play on potty apps.
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Step 14: Use one-day or fast-track techniques.
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Step 15: Use a naked technique.
-
Step 16: Plan potty training around the child’s needs.
-
Step 17: Lead the potty training yourself.
Detailed Guide
Your child may feel that they don’t have enough control in the situation, which is why they are resisting you.
Instead of you setting the pace, try letting your child do this.
Watch their potty habits from a distance and see if you can’t figure out why your child is resisting potty training.Observe if they will train on their own without your involvement.
If so, ask yourself why they are doing better without you and adjust your behaviors/attitudes accordingly.
They may stop visiting the potty altogether if you leave them to their own devices, but this probably means that they are not ready.
Backing off of potty training altogether might be a good idea if this happens.
Look at how you are handling potty training.
Are you irritated with how long it is taking? Any negative behavior on your part can stall the potty training process.
If you don’t like potty training, your child probably won’t either.
Instead, maintain a positive, happy attitude towards bathroom time.
Make a celebration or game out of it.
Control your response when accidents happen.
Instead of lecturing your child with irritation or chiding, act like it is not a problem. , Sometimes children resist potty training because they tend toward an independent mindset, and the commanding tone of parents makes them feel confined.
If this is your toddler, switch to suggestive words instead of commanding or directive ones.Ask your toddler questions about potty time rather than just bossing them.
Say, “Don’t you want to get on the fun potty and watch your pee-pee go bye-bye?” instead of, “Go to the bathroom now.” , Most children love routine, and the younger they are, the more they love it.
They may be resisting because they don’t know when to expect their next potty visit.
Instead of telling your child to go the bathroom, make up a bathroom schedule.
Suggest a potty break throughout the day regulated by sleeping and eating habits.Tell your child that you are going to visit the potty right after they wake up, right before they eat, right before nap, right after nap, etc.
Eventually they might remind you when it’s time for their potty break.
There are many timing products on the market, like a potty watch, a potty timer with a chime, etc., to assist with reminding children when to go to the bathroom. , Also look to yourself for how well you are accepting the things they like in the bathroom.
Your child may prefer that the water be on in the sink or tub while they are pottying, or perhaps they like the window open or to have a wad of toilet paper in their hand while they go.
If you are resisting their desires out of inconvenience to you, this may be making them resistant in return.
Pay attention to what they are asking for when in the bathroom.
If it is a reasonable request—ie, it won’t hurt them or your appliances and plumbing—give it to them.
Be sure to tell other caretakers about this preference. , In the end, if none of these tactics work, your child may be resisting simply because they aren’t ready.
Even though you are ready, you have to be aware of your child’s needs.
You may need to get the diapers back out for a few more months. , Go shopping with your child to introduce the concept of potty training to your child.
Allowing them to pick out supplies will help them feel involved and have a specific memory to mark the beginning of the process.
Let them pick out the training potty, the potty seat insert that fits on top of the adult potty, and the pattern of their new underwear. , Also called positive reinforcement, a rewards system can be a big motivator toward getting your child’s waste in the toilet.
If you haven’t tried this already, you can choose to reward your child after they use the potty with a number of things:
A song A dance A healthy but special snack A sticker A favorite activity like a TV show, coloring, an outing, etc. , Allowing children to do to their toys what you are having them do helps them feel in control.
Choose a favorite doll or stuffed animal and help your child to “potty train” that toy.
If you do this before you start potty training, this will familiarize your child with the process so that it is not foreign when you start. , Reading books about potty time can help children understand what is happening.
Some books are published with sound effects like clapping to help the child feel that potty time is a celebration.
If you select a book like this, repeat the celebration sound when your child goes to the potty themselves.Cartoons or other instructional videos for toddlers can help them associate the potty with positive thoughts.
Favorite shows like Daniel Tiger and Sesame Street have segments that focus on toilet training. , Allow your child to come to the bathroom with you or an older sibling on a regular basis.
This will show them how it is done, and help them understand that they are not alone.
It can also be a motivator because they may want to be like the adult or older sibling. , If you are going to stop diapers and start either bare bottom or training pants/underwear on a specific day, show your child a pile of last diapers.
Talk about it every time you change their diaper, and point out how the stack is shrinking.
This creates a countdown of anticipation, helping your child get excited about potty training., Try: "The Potty Movie." Some potty apps are also "Time to Potty," Babybus's "Toilet Training," and "Potty Time" by Two Little Hands., There are methods that suggest you can achieve potty training in a day.
There are strict rules about how to accomplish this, and they include training a doll first, using a rewards system, running practice drills, and acting out the proper way to do potty time right after an accident.Dr.
Phil, TV’s psychologist talk show host, recommends the fast-track method.
The method takes an average of four hours and involves a few steps.First, you show your child how to potty train with a doll.
You put a diaper on the doll, then use the doll to demonstrate what you will do wit the child, including checking to see if the diaper is dry (which gets a reward), getting the doll to drink water, then taking the doll to the bathroom, removing the diaper, and letting the doll urinate (which gets another reward).
Then the doll has an "accident," and the doll is over-corrected by carrying out the whole routine again.
You repeat this process over and over until the child understands, which takes about an hour.
Then you perform this process with the actual child, giving them things like salty snacks to induce thirst.
When their diaper is dry when they get to the toilet, they get a treat.
When they pee in the potty, they get a treat.
When they have an accident, you over correct by having them act out how they should have gone to the bathroom.
The whole system is based on rewards and overcorrection, , After your child is 30 months old, you can try a technique that involves letting your child run around the house without any clothes from the waist down (including no dresses for girls, so that sitting on the potty can be instant).
This technique means blocking off 3 days for intensive potty training and being prepared for accidents.Although this technique doesn’t have scientific backing, book authors report high success rates.Pick 3 days when both parents are available, like a weekend.
For the first day, the child may not understand what is going on, and are simply excited that they get to be naked.
When they start to eliminate, pick them up quickly and place them on the toilet to show them how it works.
The next day, you may take them outside with loose-fitting pants on (but no diaper or underwear) for an hour.
The third day, you may repeat this pants situation on a driving outing for an hour.
By the third day, the child usually understands the concept and wants to use the potty.
One downside is that the child may only be “naked” potty trained and not understand that underwear also means they should go to the potty first.
Some authors recommend keeping the bare bottom system going for three months so that the child has time to forget what a diaper feels like, and then they won’t associate underwear with going in their pants. , This technique orientates potty training around when the child is ready, not necessarily the parent.
Wait until your child shows all the signs of being ready to potty train.
If your child reacts even a little negatively, you stop the process and try again in a few days or weeks.
There is no schedule you should follow or timeline you should expect this to happen in.The signs of being ready to train include being able to follow easy directions, remaining dry for more than 2 hours during the day, being dry after a nap, having regular bowel movements, can pull down their pants, dislikes dirty diapers, and has an interest in the potty.You also want to make sure they are physically and mentally in a good place, such as not having digestive issues (like diarrhea or constipation), experiencing no new life changes, and in a cooperative (as opposed to rebellious) phase.There are a few steps to follow here.
One, pick out a potty with your child so they feel they are part of the process.
Two, show your child how to sit on the potty, fully dressed.
Three, show your child how their bowel movements can be dumped into the potty and flushed away, and how to wash their hands.
The final steps include letting your child run around without a diaper, placing the potty in an easy-access place, and making sure the child thinks that the potty is their idea, not yours., Instead of waiting until your child shows signs of being ready for potty training, show your child how to get ready a few months before you plan to focus on potty training.
This includes allowing the child to pick out their own potty seat and leaving it in a room where the child spends a lot of time.
Then gradually start taking them to the potty at particular times of day and employ other potty tactics like the reward system, letting them sit on the potty for several minutes, etc.Don’t do too many practice potty times, or your child is likely to miss the point and start to resist voiding.
Stop after one or two months.
It can take up to 6 months for this type of potty training to fully work.
About the Author
Richard Gibson
Writer and educator with a focus on practical home improvement knowledge.
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