How to Quickly Defuse a Toddler Tantrum with the Tantrum Rug
Recognize that children are always learning to control their environment., Learn to recognize an oncoming tantrum., Choose a tantrum rug., When a child begins tantrum behaviours, tell the child (WITHOUT raising or changing your voice or expression)...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Recognize that children are always learning to control their environment.
This also includes learning to control the adults in their environment. -
Step 2: Learn to recognize an oncoming tantrum.
When a toddler begins to throw a tantrum, it will be indicated by yelling, thrashing, kicking, holding their breath, flailing arms, etc.
The tantrum may include any or all of these behaviours. , This can be a mat or towel or something, that has a well defined area.
It should be readily accessible to the child during the anti-tantrum training period.
Preferably it should be an object you do not want to keep long term or that will be kept in a cupboard or out of sight most of the time. , You could say, "When you act this way, people do not know you are nice."or "when you throw a tantrum, it makes everything that is nice about you hide".
Children are much more sophisticated in their understanding than most give them credit for.
They should be told the truth about how their behaviour affects other's opinions of them, even if they are very young.
They may appear not to hear or understand what you are saying, but say it anyway. , This is the key.
The tantrum is the child controlling their environment in an inappropriate way.
The adults in the child's life need to teach the child that tantrums are an unacceptable way to control their environment. , Place the 'rug' in an area less central to the room, (usually toddlers tantrum are thrown centre stage).
Lay the rug in a safe place away from heaters, stairs, doors, sharp objects or heavy things that can be toppled like bookshelves. ,, Sit beside them and without raising your voice explain calmly that this is the only place they can throw the tantrum.
If they try to roll off the rug, calmly roll them back on and tell them repeatedly that until the tantrum is over that this is the only place they can kick and scream like that.
If the child is striking at you, stand and step away, only moving in to put the child back on the rug. ,, Even if you are certain that the child has no idea what you are saying or can even hear your words, still speak them in a controlled manner. ,,, Most children only need a few 'tantrum rug tantrums' to accept that they are not in control of the adult or their environment. -
Step 3: Choose a tantrum rug.
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Step 4: When a child begins tantrum behaviours
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Step 5: tell the child (WITHOUT raising or changing your voice or expression) that the way they are behaving is unacceptable Do NOT tell the child THEY are naughty or bad.
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Step 6: Tell the child (again WITHOUT raising your voice or changing your expression) "You are not allowed to throw tantrums here."
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Step 7: When telling the child that they cannot throw the tantrum 'here'
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Step 8: pull out the "tantrum rug".
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Step 9: Tell the child WHILE picking them up (this obviously only works with small children)
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Step 10: that they may only throw tantrums on the tantrum rug.
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Step 11: Take them to the rug and gently put them on the rug.
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Step 12: Because the adult has made a choice about the tantrum and is now controlling the environment
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Step 13: the tantrum usually loses appeal.
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Step 14: Do this whole process with as much calm as possible.
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Step 15: When the child has stopped the tantrum (often this happens the instance they touch the rug) ask if they are done or if they want to stay on the rug a bit longer?
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Step 16: AS SOON AS the tantrum is over
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Step 17: pick the child up and give them a hug
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Step 18: tell them you are proud of them for learning to act nicely and ask if they want to put the rug away…then put the rug away.
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Step 19: If they again begin showing signs of throwing a tantrum
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Step 20: put the rug back out and repeat the process.
Detailed Guide
This also includes learning to control the adults in their environment.
When a toddler begins to throw a tantrum, it will be indicated by yelling, thrashing, kicking, holding their breath, flailing arms, etc.
The tantrum may include any or all of these behaviours. , This can be a mat or towel or something, that has a well defined area.
It should be readily accessible to the child during the anti-tantrum training period.
Preferably it should be an object you do not want to keep long term or that will be kept in a cupboard or out of sight most of the time. , You could say, "When you act this way, people do not know you are nice."or "when you throw a tantrum, it makes everything that is nice about you hide".
Children are much more sophisticated in their understanding than most give them credit for.
They should be told the truth about how their behaviour affects other's opinions of them, even if they are very young.
They may appear not to hear or understand what you are saying, but say it anyway. , This is the key.
The tantrum is the child controlling their environment in an inappropriate way.
The adults in the child's life need to teach the child that tantrums are an unacceptable way to control their environment. , Place the 'rug' in an area less central to the room, (usually toddlers tantrum are thrown centre stage).
Lay the rug in a safe place away from heaters, stairs, doors, sharp objects or heavy things that can be toppled like bookshelves. ,, Sit beside them and without raising your voice explain calmly that this is the only place they can throw the tantrum.
If they try to roll off the rug, calmly roll them back on and tell them repeatedly that until the tantrum is over that this is the only place they can kick and scream like that.
If the child is striking at you, stand and step away, only moving in to put the child back on the rug. ,, Even if you are certain that the child has no idea what you are saying or can even hear your words, still speak them in a controlled manner. ,,, Most children only need a few 'tantrum rug tantrums' to accept that they are not in control of the adult or their environment.
About the Author
Natalie Flores
Professional writer focused on creating easy-to-follow cooking tutorials.
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