How to Respond to a Frustrated Child
Stay calm., Let the child cry., Comfort the child., Give them some space., Acknowledge appropriate behavior., Redirect the child.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Stay calm.
Your attitude will affect the child's.
Do not allow yourself to get frustrated by the child’s outburst.
Children will pick up on your tension and frustration, and it may make the situation worse and more difficult to handle.If you are finding yourself frustrated or worked up by the situation, walk away for a few minutes if you are able to.
Take a five-minute timeout in the bathroom if you need to.
If you are not able to, try deep breathing in order to stay calm.
You could say, “I need to use the bathroom.
Keep working on this puzzle until I get back, and if you’re still frustrated, let’s find something else to do!” If your co-parenting is available, ask them to take over when you're feeling frustrated.
We all have limits, and sometimes it's better to switch off the parenting duties. -
Step 2: Let the child cry.
If the child is upset, let them be.
If they want one, you can give them a hug, or sit next to them while they are sad.
Don’t tell them to stop crying.If you tell a child to stop crying, they may feel that their sad feelings aren’t valid.
It also doesn’t make a child feel any better.
Instead, acknowledge their sadness and say something like, “I know you’re sad that you couldn’t play with Fatima today.” The child may also be angry and acting out.
As long as the behavior isn’t distracting (as in a classroom environment) or harming anyone, including the child, let them get out their frustrations physically.
They might want to rip a piece of paper, stomp their feet, or punch a pillow.
You can say, “It’s okay to be frustrated that you can’t draw the picture the way you want.
I bet you feel pretty mad and sad right now.
What do you need to do to get these feelings out?” , When kids are acting out or upset, most of the time they are looking for someone to connect with them in their sadness, frustration, or anger.
One of the best things you can do for an upset person, young or old, is to simply be with them as they work through their emotions.
Sometimes that can feel scary, particularly for kids, and it is helpful to have the calming, soothing presence of a trusted adult with them.Use your nonverbal behavior to help the child learn how to cope.
Sit still, take deep breaths, and move calmly and slowly.
Over time, your child will hopefully duplicate your behaviors.
Give the child a hug, or let them sit on your lap and hold them if it’s appropriate.
You don’t need to say anything, you can just be present with them and let their emotions run their course.
Hold them while they cry, or sit next to them while they punch some play dough, for example.
Once they seem to have calmed down, then you can talk about their feelings more in-depth. , If their frustration has turned into a full-blown temper tantrum, the best thing you may be able to do for the child is to let the tantrum run its course.
Ensure their behavior will not harm themselves or others, but otherwise, step back and let the child work through it.
Before you walk away, however, tell your child that you are giving them space, why you're doing it, and where you'll be.
This will help them understand that you aren't abandoning them.Say, "I can see that you're upset, so I'm going to give you some time and space alone because that usually helps me feel better.
If you want to talk or get a hug, I'll be in the kitchen making lunch." You may wish to sit nearby and read a book while the temper rages.
This way, you are still present with the child, but you are not paying attention to them and feeding the tantrum.
If they are a distraction, or at risk of causing injury, you may need to remove the child.
If you are at home, send the child up to their room.
If you are in a classroom setting, you may wish to remove the child to a corner of the room, if possible.
You could say, “You need to stay here until you have calmed down enough so that we can talk some more.
Right now I think you are too wound up to have a conversation.” If you are afraid that the child could harm you, remove yourself from the situation.
Do not try to make them go somewhere else., After they have calmed down, talk to them about the good ways in which they managed their frustration.
During your discussion, help your child understand other coping strategies that they can use.
When possible, find ways for your child to use their interests and passions as a way to cope with life's frustrations.
This may help them better deal with frustrating situations in the future, and have better strategies to calm themselves down.You could say, “Wow, you seemed really angry that you spilled your milk and had to clean it up.
But I liked that you took a few deep breaths, then asked me to help you get some more paper towels.” , If the child has not gotten too frustrated or upset, you could try to redirect their attention to another activity.
Look for another toy or book that might occupy their attention, or ask if they want to take a break from their current activity.Once they've calmed down, bring them back to the original activity.
This will help them learn to cope with and overcome obstacles.
You could say, “Let’s take a break from trying to build this for a few minutes.
Would you like to go read a book with me on the couch?” For an older child, you could point out their frustration and suggest they step back for a few minutes.
For example, “You’ve been working on that math problem for twenty minutes! No wonder you’re getting frustrated.
Why don’t you go shoot some baskets for a few minutes to get a little break?” -
Step 3: Comfort the child.
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Step 4: Give them some space.
-
Step 5: Acknowledge appropriate behavior.
-
Step 6: Redirect the child.
Detailed Guide
Your attitude will affect the child's.
Do not allow yourself to get frustrated by the child’s outburst.
Children will pick up on your tension and frustration, and it may make the situation worse and more difficult to handle.If you are finding yourself frustrated or worked up by the situation, walk away for a few minutes if you are able to.
Take a five-minute timeout in the bathroom if you need to.
If you are not able to, try deep breathing in order to stay calm.
You could say, “I need to use the bathroom.
Keep working on this puzzle until I get back, and if you’re still frustrated, let’s find something else to do!” If your co-parenting is available, ask them to take over when you're feeling frustrated.
We all have limits, and sometimes it's better to switch off the parenting duties.
If the child is upset, let them be.
If they want one, you can give them a hug, or sit next to them while they are sad.
Don’t tell them to stop crying.If you tell a child to stop crying, they may feel that their sad feelings aren’t valid.
It also doesn’t make a child feel any better.
Instead, acknowledge their sadness and say something like, “I know you’re sad that you couldn’t play with Fatima today.” The child may also be angry and acting out.
As long as the behavior isn’t distracting (as in a classroom environment) or harming anyone, including the child, let them get out their frustrations physically.
They might want to rip a piece of paper, stomp their feet, or punch a pillow.
You can say, “It’s okay to be frustrated that you can’t draw the picture the way you want.
I bet you feel pretty mad and sad right now.
What do you need to do to get these feelings out?” , When kids are acting out or upset, most of the time they are looking for someone to connect with them in their sadness, frustration, or anger.
One of the best things you can do for an upset person, young or old, is to simply be with them as they work through their emotions.
Sometimes that can feel scary, particularly for kids, and it is helpful to have the calming, soothing presence of a trusted adult with them.Use your nonverbal behavior to help the child learn how to cope.
Sit still, take deep breaths, and move calmly and slowly.
Over time, your child will hopefully duplicate your behaviors.
Give the child a hug, or let them sit on your lap and hold them if it’s appropriate.
You don’t need to say anything, you can just be present with them and let their emotions run their course.
Hold them while they cry, or sit next to them while they punch some play dough, for example.
Once they seem to have calmed down, then you can talk about their feelings more in-depth. , If their frustration has turned into a full-blown temper tantrum, the best thing you may be able to do for the child is to let the tantrum run its course.
Ensure their behavior will not harm themselves or others, but otherwise, step back and let the child work through it.
Before you walk away, however, tell your child that you are giving them space, why you're doing it, and where you'll be.
This will help them understand that you aren't abandoning them.Say, "I can see that you're upset, so I'm going to give you some time and space alone because that usually helps me feel better.
If you want to talk or get a hug, I'll be in the kitchen making lunch." You may wish to sit nearby and read a book while the temper rages.
This way, you are still present with the child, but you are not paying attention to them and feeding the tantrum.
If they are a distraction, or at risk of causing injury, you may need to remove the child.
If you are at home, send the child up to their room.
If you are in a classroom setting, you may wish to remove the child to a corner of the room, if possible.
You could say, “You need to stay here until you have calmed down enough so that we can talk some more.
Right now I think you are too wound up to have a conversation.” If you are afraid that the child could harm you, remove yourself from the situation.
Do not try to make them go somewhere else., After they have calmed down, talk to them about the good ways in which they managed their frustration.
During your discussion, help your child understand other coping strategies that they can use.
When possible, find ways for your child to use their interests and passions as a way to cope with life's frustrations.
This may help them better deal with frustrating situations in the future, and have better strategies to calm themselves down.You could say, “Wow, you seemed really angry that you spilled your milk and had to clean it up.
But I liked that you took a few deep breaths, then asked me to help you get some more paper towels.” , If the child has not gotten too frustrated or upset, you could try to redirect their attention to another activity.
Look for another toy or book that might occupy their attention, or ask if they want to take a break from their current activity.Once they've calmed down, bring them back to the original activity.
This will help them learn to cope with and overcome obstacles.
You could say, “Let’s take a break from trying to build this for a few minutes.
Would you like to go read a book with me on the couch?” For an older child, you could point out their frustration and suggest they step back for a few minutes.
For example, “You’ve been working on that math problem for twenty minutes! No wonder you’re getting frustrated.
Why don’t you go shoot some baskets for a few minutes to get a little break?”
About the Author
Sharon Roberts
Sharon Roberts is an experienced writer with over 1 years of expertise in lifestyle and practical guides. Passionate about sharing practical knowledge, Sharon creates easy-to-follow guides that help readers achieve their goals.
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