How to Respond to Unsolicited Parenting Advice
Refrain from becoming defensive., Determine the intent of the advice., Be honest about your stance on controversial issues., Consider the advice – it might be useful., Say, “Thanks!” Most of the time, the person giving you advice is just trying to...
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Refrain from becoming defensive.
Though it’s natural to feel defensive when people tell you how they think you should raise your children, this reaction can start an argument or lead to hard feelings.
Keep in mind that you’re under no obligation to take anyone’s advice or change your parenting style to suit other people’s ideas.
Nodding, smiling, and redirecting the conversation is a better strategy for keeping the situation light with everyone’s feelings intact.
Avoiding a defensive reaction will also allow you to be receptive when people do have useful advice for you.
While it's important to avoid becoming defensive when getting advice from a loved one, it's acceptable to correct advice that comes from a complete stranger on the street.
Have the courage to let the person know they're out of line.
Let's say your little boy is holding a doll and a total stranger makes the comment that you are "confusing him." You might gently respond with "I'm sure you mean well, but I won't base my parenting around comments I get on the street." Give the person a warm smile and go about your day. -
Step 2: Determine the intent of the advice.
While some people offer parenting advice for self-serving reasons, others do it with genuinely good intentions.
Understanding the reasons behind the act of giving advice can help you decide how to respond.
If you know the person well, then you will probably have an easier time figuring out their intent.
For example, some people may give unsolicited advice simply because they like to be in control or feel that they are in the right.
Others may be sincerely interested in helping, but lack the social skills or emotional intelligence to pick up on verbal cues and body language that indicate that the advice is unwanted.
If you feel that the advice was given with good intentions, receive it graciously.
You don’t necessarily have to follow the advice – just acknowledge it, and let them know that you appreciate their concern.
If you feel that the advice was given for self-serving reasons, you can still acknowledge the advice gracefully.
Politely tell the person you are not interested in that type of feedback.
Then redirect the conversation to another topic. , When divisive topics arise, such as spanking or the breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding debate, be up-front about where you stand.
These are touchy and emotional topics for many people, and conversations about these issues can easily get out of hand or put people on the defensive.
Be firm about your ideas on these issues, lay out your reasoning if you want to, and make it clear that the subject is not up for debate with you.
Simply respond with “This is the way we’ve decided to .
We’d appreciate it if you would respect our choice.”, Unsolicited parenting advice can be annoying, but most of the time it comes from a place of good intentions, not disapproval.
The people giving you advice probably just want to pass on a tip that worked for them or something they found useful, and it’s probably not their intention to make you feel criticized.
Before you decide how to respond, take a deep breath and consider what they have to say.
While you don’t want to go around following any and every bit of advice you receive, it’s likely that some advice may actually be quite helpful.
Screen the advice you get carefully, however, and weigh against the recommendations of your doctor., Making them feel like their input is appreciated is often enough to placate them and end the conversation.
If their ideas go against your own beliefs, there’s no need to actually follow them, but thanking the person is often the quickest way to put an end to the unwanted advice without hurting any feelings., Child-rearing advice is constantly changing as medical researchers and psychologists make new discoveries about early childhood development.
Baby advice offered by someone who parented 20 or 30 years ago is more than likely outdated.
If the person advising you is someone you’re close to, such as your own parent, educate them on the ways parenting advice has changed.Say something like "Oh, Nana, that sleep advice isn't relevant anymore.
Now-a-days they don't recommend letting babies sleep on their tummies.
It's actually dangerous.
I'll show you the info about it." If the older person won’t take your word for it, bring in the experts.
Tell them you’re following a doctor’s advice, or show them recent studies that support your parenting choices. -
Step 3: Be honest about your stance on controversial issues.
-
Step 4: Consider the advice – it might be useful.
-
Step 5: “Thanks!” Most of the time
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Step 6: the person giving you advice is just trying to help
-
Step 7: albeit sometimes in a misguided way.
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Step 8: Correct decades-old suggestions.
Detailed Guide
Though it’s natural to feel defensive when people tell you how they think you should raise your children, this reaction can start an argument or lead to hard feelings.
Keep in mind that you’re under no obligation to take anyone’s advice or change your parenting style to suit other people’s ideas.
Nodding, smiling, and redirecting the conversation is a better strategy for keeping the situation light with everyone’s feelings intact.
Avoiding a defensive reaction will also allow you to be receptive when people do have useful advice for you.
While it's important to avoid becoming defensive when getting advice from a loved one, it's acceptable to correct advice that comes from a complete stranger on the street.
Have the courage to let the person know they're out of line.
Let's say your little boy is holding a doll and a total stranger makes the comment that you are "confusing him." You might gently respond with "I'm sure you mean well, but I won't base my parenting around comments I get on the street." Give the person a warm smile and go about your day.
While some people offer parenting advice for self-serving reasons, others do it with genuinely good intentions.
Understanding the reasons behind the act of giving advice can help you decide how to respond.
If you know the person well, then you will probably have an easier time figuring out their intent.
For example, some people may give unsolicited advice simply because they like to be in control or feel that they are in the right.
Others may be sincerely interested in helping, but lack the social skills or emotional intelligence to pick up on verbal cues and body language that indicate that the advice is unwanted.
If you feel that the advice was given with good intentions, receive it graciously.
You don’t necessarily have to follow the advice – just acknowledge it, and let them know that you appreciate their concern.
If you feel that the advice was given for self-serving reasons, you can still acknowledge the advice gracefully.
Politely tell the person you are not interested in that type of feedback.
Then redirect the conversation to another topic. , When divisive topics arise, such as spanking or the breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding debate, be up-front about where you stand.
These are touchy and emotional topics for many people, and conversations about these issues can easily get out of hand or put people on the defensive.
Be firm about your ideas on these issues, lay out your reasoning if you want to, and make it clear that the subject is not up for debate with you.
Simply respond with “This is the way we’ve decided to .
We’d appreciate it if you would respect our choice.”, Unsolicited parenting advice can be annoying, but most of the time it comes from a place of good intentions, not disapproval.
The people giving you advice probably just want to pass on a tip that worked for them or something they found useful, and it’s probably not their intention to make you feel criticized.
Before you decide how to respond, take a deep breath and consider what they have to say.
While you don’t want to go around following any and every bit of advice you receive, it’s likely that some advice may actually be quite helpful.
Screen the advice you get carefully, however, and weigh against the recommendations of your doctor., Making them feel like their input is appreciated is often enough to placate them and end the conversation.
If their ideas go against your own beliefs, there’s no need to actually follow them, but thanking the person is often the quickest way to put an end to the unwanted advice without hurting any feelings., Child-rearing advice is constantly changing as medical researchers and psychologists make new discoveries about early childhood development.
Baby advice offered by someone who parented 20 or 30 years ago is more than likely outdated.
If the person advising you is someone you’re close to, such as your own parent, educate them on the ways parenting advice has changed.Say something like "Oh, Nana, that sleep advice isn't relevant anymore.
Now-a-days they don't recommend letting babies sleep on their tummies.
It's actually dangerous.
I'll show you the info about it." If the older person won’t take your word for it, bring in the experts.
Tell them you’re following a doctor’s advice, or show them recent studies that support your parenting choices.
About the Author
Patricia Murray
Creates helpful guides on cooking to inspire and educate readers.
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