How to Teach Teenagers Manners
Set a bottom line., Explain why good manners are important to you., Dig deeper into your teen’s behavior.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Set a bottom line.
Communicate what sort of behavior you expect from your teen.
Be detailed and specify what the basic standards of politeness are for various situations in your home, from answering the telephone or door to sitting down to dinner.The idea is not to establish a Miss Manners level of civility in your house, but to set the bare minimum.
Make it clear that you will not accept anything less.
How do you expect your teen to answer the telephone, for instance? Is it “Hello, Thompson residence, Grace speaking” or are you willing to accept anything above an annoyed “Hullo?” How about at the dinner table? Is just attending the bottom line? Or do you also have rules, i.e. no interrupting, no criticizing the food, no snarky remarks, and no talking with a full mouth? Don’t forget to note other exchanges.
Do you expect your teen to say “thank you” in certain situations, like after you drive them to a friend’s house? Or will you be content with less, so long as it’s snark-free? -
Step 2: Explain why good manners are important to you.
Explain to your teen why you feel that it’s beneficial to use good manners around others.
Don’t expect that she will “buy in” because of your speech.
The aim, like setting a bottom line, is again to set basic standards.Communicate your feelings clearly and concisely.
I.e., “Good manners are about showing respect, empathy, and kindness to others.
It’s the right way to treat people, and by showing good manners others will treat you well in return.”You teen might want to debate you on the merits of good manners.
Don’t let her.
You are stating your opinion, not asking for hers.
Instead, make it clear that you will not be flexible on the matter.
Say, for example, “You don’t have to agree with my views.
That’s OK.
But these are my rules and I expect you to follow them as long as you live in this household.”, If using simple good manners is a trial for your teen, and if you are able, sit down and ask her why.
She may give an incoherent reply, “’Cause being polite is stupid.” However, there may well be reasons.
Try to be empathetic and understanding.
Remember that your teen is going through a lot of big changes and that you went through them once, too.
Why is your teen such a lout? Well, teens are notoriously moody.
This may be hormonal or due to changes in other areas of the brain.
Some scientists even think that teens have a lower ability to recognize emotions in others.Teens are also very self-absorbed.
This is a natural part of development and has been called “adolescent egocentrism.” It’s possible that your teen is so wrapped up in inner life that she’s unaware of being thoughtless or rude.It could be that your teen is simply going through a tough time at school, as well, or is worried about things like fitting in or her appearance. -
Step 3: Dig deeper into your teen’s behavior.
Detailed Guide
Communicate what sort of behavior you expect from your teen.
Be detailed and specify what the basic standards of politeness are for various situations in your home, from answering the telephone or door to sitting down to dinner.The idea is not to establish a Miss Manners level of civility in your house, but to set the bare minimum.
Make it clear that you will not accept anything less.
How do you expect your teen to answer the telephone, for instance? Is it “Hello, Thompson residence, Grace speaking” or are you willing to accept anything above an annoyed “Hullo?” How about at the dinner table? Is just attending the bottom line? Or do you also have rules, i.e. no interrupting, no criticizing the food, no snarky remarks, and no talking with a full mouth? Don’t forget to note other exchanges.
Do you expect your teen to say “thank you” in certain situations, like after you drive them to a friend’s house? Or will you be content with less, so long as it’s snark-free?
Explain to your teen why you feel that it’s beneficial to use good manners around others.
Don’t expect that she will “buy in” because of your speech.
The aim, like setting a bottom line, is again to set basic standards.Communicate your feelings clearly and concisely.
I.e., “Good manners are about showing respect, empathy, and kindness to others.
It’s the right way to treat people, and by showing good manners others will treat you well in return.”You teen might want to debate you on the merits of good manners.
Don’t let her.
You are stating your opinion, not asking for hers.
Instead, make it clear that you will not be flexible on the matter.
Say, for example, “You don’t have to agree with my views.
That’s OK.
But these are my rules and I expect you to follow them as long as you live in this household.”, If using simple good manners is a trial for your teen, and if you are able, sit down and ask her why.
She may give an incoherent reply, “’Cause being polite is stupid.” However, there may well be reasons.
Try to be empathetic and understanding.
Remember that your teen is going through a lot of big changes and that you went through them once, too.
Why is your teen such a lout? Well, teens are notoriously moody.
This may be hormonal or due to changes in other areas of the brain.
Some scientists even think that teens have a lower ability to recognize emotions in others.Teens are also very self-absorbed.
This is a natural part of development and has been called “adolescent egocentrism.” It’s possible that your teen is so wrapped up in inner life that she’s unaware of being thoughtless or rude.It could be that your teen is simply going through a tough time at school, as well, or is worried about things like fitting in or her appearance.
About the Author
Donna Price
Experienced content creator specializing in organization guides and tutorials.
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