How to Politely Decline an Invitation
Respond in the manner requested ASAP., Follow up with a handwritten note., Be honest when giving any explanation(s)., Send a congratulatory note and a gift, if appropriate.
Step-by-Step Guide
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Step 1: Respond in the manner requested ASAP.
If invited to a wedding or another event for which an RSVP card is included, return the RSVP promptly.
If you immediately know that you cannot or will not attend the event, let the host know right away not to expect you.
If the invitation came without a RSVP card, look on the invitation for the preferred method of contacting the host.
Send "regrets" for written invitations within a week.Don't give the impression that you may come if you know you won't.
Stringing the host along as they prepare for their event will frustrate them.
If you are not sure whether or not you can attend, call the host to explain your dilemma and ask when they need a solid answer.
If you plan to attend but must be late, ask the host if that is ok.
If the event includes a seated meal, it may not be possible to show up at anytime.
However, your host may suggest you come at the conclusion of dinner before dancing begins.
If no RSVP is requested, still call or write the host with your regrets and thank them for including you.
It is considered rude to ignore an invitation completely. “Regrets only” is often an option included on formal RSVP cards.
If you do not send the card back, you are agreeing to attend. -
Step 2: Follow up with a handwritten note.
Thank the host for the invitation, say you will not be able to make it, and wish them luck with their event.
You might also tell them you would love to see them another time, if appropriate.
Just don’t change your response! It’s important to stick to your original decision.The type of note should match the type of invitation sent.
For a wedding or bridal shower, send a formal card or use nice looking stationary.
Never send a typed response to a personal invitation.
Unless even your address on the envelope was typewritten, your host put time and effort into your invitation and you should do the same.
Find examples of polite declines online if you are not sure what to say, but be sure to change the wording to fit your particular circumstances or manner of speaking.Don’t get caught plagiarizing an example you found instead of taking time to write a sincere note. , If you have another obligation, let him/her know.
If you don’t have another obligation, and can’t comfortably explain why you don’t want to go, just politely decline without offering a reason.
Don’t make up a reason for not attending.
It will likely backfire when s/he finds out you lied, even if it was to protect his or her feelings.
Don’t feel the need to over-explain.
For formal invitations, a simple “I’m sorry to have to miss it,” will suffice.
If pressed for a reason, you can simply says, “It’s personal.”Avoid relaying any guilt for needing to skip the event.
This only wastes your time and energy and may be negatively accepted by your host., For an occasion where a gift might be expected, like a baby or bridal shower, a birthday party, or a special celebration like a wedding or graduation party, send a small and thoughtful gift with a written congratulations after you send your regrets.
Don’t wait until you can get a gift to send your regrets, though! Let the host know ASAP that you cannot attend, and send a gift and a written card later.
Don’t feel obligated to buy a gift for someone you don’t know well or aren’t related to.
It is up to your own judgment as to whether your invitation warrants a gift. -
Step 3: Be honest when giving any explanation(s).
-
Step 4: Send a congratulatory note and a gift
-
Step 5: if appropriate.
Detailed Guide
If invited to a wedding or another event for which an RSVP card is included, return the RSVP promptly.
If you immediately know that you cannot or will not attend the event, let the host know right away not to expect you.
If the invitation came without a RSVP card, look on the invitation for the preferred method of contacting the host.
Send "regrets" for written invitations within a week.Don't give the impression that you may come if you know you won't.
Stringing the host along as they prepare for their event will frustrate them.
If you are not sure whether or not you can attend, call the host to explain your dilemma and ask when they need a solid answer.
If you plan to attend but must be late, ask the host if that is ok.
If the event includes a seated meal, it may not be possible to show up at anytime.
However, your host may suggest you come at the conclusion of dinner before dancing begins.
If no RSVP is requested, still call or write the host with your regrets and thank them for including you.
It is considered rude to ignore an invitation completely. “Regrets only” is often an option included on formal RSVP cards.
If you do not send the card back, you are agreeing to attend.
Thank the host for the invitation, say you will not be able to make it, and wish them luck with their event.
You might also tell them you would love to see them another time, if appropriate.
Just don’t change your response! It’s important to stick to your original decision.The type of note should match the type of invitation sent.
For a wedding or bridal shower, send a formal card or use nice looking stationary.
Never send a typed response to a personal invitation.
Unless even your address on the envelope was typewritten, your host put time and effort into your invitation and you should do the same.
Find examples of polite declines online if you are not sure what to say, but be sure to change the wording to fit your particular circumstances or manner of speaking.Don’t get caught plagiarizing an example you found instead of taking time to write a sincere note. , If you have another obligation, let him/her know.
If you don’t have another obligation, and can’t comfortably explain why you don’t want to go, just politely decline without offering a reason.
Don’t make up a reason for not attending.
It will likely backfire when s/he finds out you lied, even if it was to protect his or her feelings.
Don’t feel the need to over-explain.
For formal invitations, a simple “I’m sorry to have to miss it,” will suffice.
If pressed for a reason, you can simply says, “It’s personal.”Avoid relaying any guilt for needing to skip the event.
This only wastes your time and energy and may be negatively accepted by your host., For an occasion where a gift might be expected, like a baby or bridal shower, a birthday party, or a special celebration like a wedding or graduation party, send a small and thoughtful gift with a written congratulations after you send your regrets.
Don’t wait until you can get a gift to send your regrets, though! Let the host know ASAP that you cannot attend, and send a gift and a written card later.
Don’t feel obligated to buy a gift for someone you don’t know well or aren’t related to.
It is up to your own judgment as to whether your invitation warrants a gift.
About the Author
Stephen Roberts
Specializes in breaking down complex hobbies topics into simple steps.
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